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Scalia Never Going to Another N.B.A. Game ~~ Andy Borowitz


Society & Culture  (tags: americans, culture, HUMOR, gay rights, laughter, society )

Kit
- 574 days ago - newyorker.com
Justice Antonin Scalia disrupted the normally tranquil atmosphere of the Supreme Court today, bursting from his office to shout, "I'm never going to another damn N.B.A. game as long as I live!" ***HUMOR***



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Kit B. (276)
Monday April 29, 2013, 7:19 pm
Photograph by Manuel Balce Ceneta/AP.


WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Justice Antonin Scalia disrupted the normally tranquil atmosphere of the Supreme Court today, bursting from his office to shout, “I’m never going to another damn N.B.A. game as long as I live!”

While it was unclear what, exactly, had provoked Justice Scalia’s outburst, one of his clerks said that “he saw something on ESPN that really upset him.”

After emerging from their offices to see the source of the commotion, the other Justices found a visibly agitated Justice Scalia, his face beet-red and his entire body shaking with rage.

“I’ve gone to basketball games my entire life,” he bellowed. “I always thought that was a ‘safe place.’ Well, I guess I was wrong. I guess I’ve been wrong about a lot of things, haven’t I? Haven’t I?”

As Justice Clarence Thomas wordlessly moved to comfort him, Justice Scalia rebuffed his fellow-juror.

“Get away from me, Clarence!” he screamed. “I can’t trust anyone anymore.”
****

By: Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker Magazine |
 

Past Member (0)
Monday April 29, 2013, 7:25 pm
Kit I can't help but laugh Cheers
 

JL A. (272)
Monday April 29, 2013, 7:27 pm
I presume he saw a news story on Jason Collins? Thanks for my welcome dose of AB Kit!
 

Angelika R. (144)
Tuesday April 30, 2013, 12:36 pm
hahaha good one, nice catch of pic, too! I knew THIS was going to be picked up for jokes, guess Jon Steward will have his own to come after this news. but frankly, as I do not follow NBA or ANY US sports (except perhaps when our own star was on) I have never heard of the man, I find him really nice though! (see, already even forgot his name ;-)-ah, JL just said it, ok, I had something like Tom Collins in memory ^^ :-)
 

marie c. (168)
Tuesday April 30, 2013, 12:45 pm
This has made me laugh even though I have never even heard of him
 

Kit B. (276)
Tuesday April 30, 2013, 12:46 pm

Tom Collins is well known cocktail, dunno if was the name of a sports star. I think Jason Collins has handled this with grace and dignity.
 

Kit B. (276)
Tuesday April 30, 2013, 12:47 pm

Some people keep up with sports and some do not, currently most are aware that a man from one of the big 4 sports has come out, good for him.

LOL - Angie.
 

Angelika R. (144)
Tuesday April 30, 2013, 12:54 pm
Kit, I DO KNOW Tom Collins, even used to drink it when I was younger and I just briefly caught his name when I saw the news on TV late last night. My comment was meant for a smile. Absolutely good for him and he also confirmed he is happy now.
 

lee e. (114)
Tuesday April 30, 2013, 1:44 pm
You mean Thomas is forever condemned to be outside of Scalia's robes forever! Will Mrs. Scalia ever know what to do?!
 

paul m. (93)
Wednesday May 1, 2013, 6:28 am

Noted..
 

Elle B. (82)
Wednesday May 1, 2013, 11:23 am
Great news! . . .he's been warming the bench way too long . . .wasn't fit to be there in the first place. . .
 

Birgit W. (150)
Wednesday May 1, 2013, 1:11 pm
Noted
 

Fred Krohn (34)
Wednesday May 1, 2013, 5:57 pm
Let's sing him the D ckhead Song. SCOTUS has deteriorated ever since 1992 and Komra Klinton's lousy appointments.
 

Lloyd H. (46)
Wednesday May 1, 2013, 10:40 pm
Fred Krohn what the hell are you talking about imbecil. Antonin Scalia was appointed by Jelly Bean Brain Reagan in 1986.
 

Kit B. (276)
Thursday May 2, 2013, 8:13 am


That is a fact, Scalia was appointed by Reagan in 1986. Still looking for a commie under every Bush, Fred?

I got that Angelika, I was teasing you.
 

Angelika R. (144)
Thursday May 2, 2013, 10:39 am
Ok, ok Kit :P - care to tell me what are the other three"big sports" ? I assume shooting gotto be one of them.. particularly fatal shooting babies , no?
 

Pat B. (353)
Thursday May 2, 2013, 10:56 am
Thank you, Kit for this. My dose of Andy, YAY.!! Angelika, let me guess...the sports off the top of my head are: Baseball, football, basketball,...and uh....hockey/or/golf? I'd have to google for sure...Thanks again, Kit.
 

Angelika R. (144)
Thursday May 2, 2013, 11:34 am
whatever they are, Pat. Kit, going by the daily HORRIFIC news I insist that shooting has turned into a sport..and it somehow looks like a favorite one, tragicly also a very deadly one!
 

Robert Tomlinson (65)
Thursday May 2, 2013, 12:48 pm
I would be more impressed if he resigned his post as a Supreme Court Justice. It may happen. After all, he has admitted that he has been wrong a lot.
 

mon dem (0)
Thursday May 2, 2013, 1:06 pm
Promises, promisees!
 

Allan Yorkowitz (447)
Thursday May 2, 2013, 4:24 pm
I guess Anthony cannot handle too much male interaction...
 

Bryna Pizzo (139)
Thursday May 2, 2013, 7:15 pm
Thank you!!! Anything that enrages that repulsive little troll delights me! (n, p, t)
 

Kit B. (276)
Friday May 3, 2013, 6:37 am

NFL, MLB, NBA and NHL are (by TV viewing) audiences considered to be the big four. Shooting is a sport, and is offered for TV on some of the ESPN channels. Skeet shooting for example does require quick and accurate hand,eye coordination, but it's not really a team sport. Golf too is an individual sport.

NFL = National Football League
MBA= Major League Baseball
NBA= National Basketball Association
NHL= National Hockey League
 

Fred Krohn (34)
Friday May 3, 2013, 4:44 pm
Hey Scalia, homophobia is a sin and homophobic violence is a crime.
 

David Johnson (15)
Saturday May 4, 2013, 7:37 am
Oh thank you Kit! You provided my first chuckle this morning. Poor Scalia, I wonder what upset his Troglodyte sensibilities? Oh PLEASE let it be Jason Collins!
 

Kit B. (276)
Saturday May 4, 2013, 10:05 am

You are welcome, David Johnson. I think that it is strongly implied that Jason Collins is the cause of Scalia's current state of upset. Just keep in mind, this is just satire and not meant to be real news.
 
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