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Agency Busy Spying on Three Hundred Million People Failed to Notice One Dude Working for It~~Andy Borowitz


Society & Culture  (tags: americans, culture, HUMOR, Satire, Society )

Kit
- 451 days ago - newyorker.com
A U.S. intelligence agency was so busy spying on three hundred million Americans that it failed to notice one dude who was working for it, a spokesman for the agency acknowledged today. ***HUMOR**



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Kit B. (276)
Tuesday June 25, 2013, 5:08 am
Photograph by Kin Cheung/AP.


WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A U.S. intelligence agency was so busy spying on three hundred million Americans that it failed to notice one dude who was working for it, a spokesman for the agency acknowledged today.

“I guess we were so busy monitoring the everyday communications of every man, woman, and child in the nation that we didn’t notice that a contractor working for us was downloading tons of classified documents,” the agency spokesman said. “It’s definitely embarrassing, for sure.”


Despite having an annual budget in the neighborhood of ten billion dollars, the agency had no idea that a dude who was working for it five days a week was getting ready to send those classified documents to a journalist who would then tell everybody in the world.

“Maybe if we hadn’t been so busy keeping our eye on those other three hundred million people, we would have noticed that this one guy who was working right under our noses was up to something totally fishy,” the spokesman said. “But you know what they say about hindsight.”

As for where that guy who leaked the documents was planning to go next, the spokesman admitted, “We don’t have a clue.”

“I know what you’re thinking—an intelligence agency probably should know that Hong Kong has an international airport and that its departures board lists flights to Moscow and whatnot,” the spokesman said. “I don’t know what to say. Maybe we need a bigger budget or something.”
**** HUMOR***SATIRE****


By: Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker Magazine |
 

Ingo Schreiner (8)
Tuesday June 25, 2013, 5:41 am
great story
 

Arielle S. (317)
Tuesday June 25, 2013, 6:03 am
That last paragraph made me laugh out loud - also makes me wonder what is really going on.... Thanks, Kit!
 

Kit B. (276)
Tuesday June 25, 2013, 6:08 am

Yayyyy!!!! Arielle is back from computer isolation. Welcome back.
 

Pat B. (354)
Tuesday June 25, 2013, 6:30 am
Drinking my coffee and laughing. Thanks, Kit for my dose of Andy this morning.
 

JL A. (275)
Tuesday June 25, 2013, 6:48 am
Thanks for my dose of AB Kit!
 

Angelika R. (143)
Tuesday June 25, 2013, 7:00 am
Andy is well reflecting my own thoughts. Apart from wishing of course that they WON'T get him, it is ridiculous. If they have all those abilities one would assume they used them to be informed precisely about any move of a person, any messages to and from them, especially when targeted.
 

Jim Phillips (3209)
Tuesday June 25, 2013, 7:35 am
U.S. Seemingly Unaware of Irony in Accusing Snowden of Spying... lol...

Ty, Kit.
.
 

David C. (29)
Tuesday June 25, 2013, 8:58 am
They need to go back in time to the old USSR for more training Kit.
 

Jaime A. (32)
Tuesday June 25, 2013, 3:03 pm
Noted, thanks.!!
 

Marcia Singer (1)
Tuesday June 25, 2013, 4:32 pm
Great piece. Too funny!
 

Theodore Shayne (56)
Tuesday June 25, 2013, 4:34 pm
I'm wondering what the quid pro quo for safe passage through Russia was. If Russia glimpsed classified documentation then that is treason. It's not that Russia isn't guilty of everything the US is [re. Chechnya; Moscow bombings] it is a potential PR coup for Putin; one which Barky can ill afford.
 

Jim Phillips (3209)
Tuesday June 25, 2013, 5:54 pm
Let's not forget Snowden's recent comment:

Sowden: "Being called a traitor by Dick Cheney is the highest honor".
http://occupyamerica.crooksandliars.com/diane-sweet/snowden-its-honor-being-called-traitor

Least we forget, Dick Cheney is more of a traitor than Snowden will ever be.
http://dickcheneyisatraitor.com/

Ty, Kit.
.
 

Bryna Pizzo (139)
Tuesday June 25, 2013, 6:47 pm
Thank you for the AB report! :)
 

Constance F. (433)
Tuesday June 25, 2013, 9:14 pm
lol ! Is this for real ? just beautiful !
 

Frances Darcy (219)
Wednesday June 26, 2013, 12:15 am
well said to the above commenters. Great article
 

Irene S. (62)
Wednesday June 26, 2013, 1:49 am
Thank you for posting!
 

Jennifer C. (172)
Wednesday June 26, 2013, 5:45 am
Thanks.
 

Paul Girardin (140)
Wednesday June 26, 2013, 8:16 am
Thanks for sharing!
 

Lois Jordan (55)
Wednesday June 26, 2013, 4:08 pm
I just loved this, and so did my spouse as I read it to him. Although he does express concern that "those in charge in the surveillance world" will ask for a bigger budget now based on the article. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Anyway, I continue to applaud Snowden and hope for more to come forward until the Total Information Awareness machine sputters to a grinding halt. What part of "FOREIGN Intelligence Surveillance Court" does Congress and POTUS not understand? Doesn't give them DOMESTIC power to spy.
 

Birgit W. (144)
Wednesday June 26, 2013, 4:13 pm
Thanks.
 

Debra Tate (17)
Wednesday June 26, 2013, 4:19 pm
Noted!! NO ! They don't need a bigger budget, they need NO BUDGET!! They obviously can not do their job even with all the money they have now!! They deserve no money and NO JOBS!! Get rid of the suckers! They are sucking the taxpayers dry and are incompetent!
 

Hartson Doak (33)
Thursday June 27, 2013, 12:37 am
Snowdon is an American HERO. He knew what was going to happen before he did this. But, he has a conscience that would not let him just leave it alone. HE WAS WILLING TO SACRIFICE HIS FUTURE TO LET EVERYONE KNOW WHAT OUR GOVERNMENT IS DOING!! That is bravery.
 

Lona Goudswaard (70)
Thursday June 27, 2013, 5:18 am
Wow, talking about irony... LOL
Thanks for posting, really cheers me up.
 

Twyla Sparks (208)
Thursday June 27, 2013, 3:58 pm
thanks for posting. signed and noted
 
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