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Troubled Man Seen Outside Super Bowl -- Andy Borowitz


Society & Culture  (tags: americans, culture, humor, satire, society )

Kit
- 232 days ago - newyorker.com
The man, his eyes darting about menacingly, alarmed passersby who were gathering at the Super Bowl venue.



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Kit B. (276)
Sunday February 2, 2014, 1:00 pm
Photograph by Mel Evans/AP. *****HUMOR****SATIRE****



EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ (The Borowitz Report)—A “visibly troubled” man was spotted today outside MetLife Stadium just hours before the kickoff of Super Bowl XLVIII.

The man, his eyes darting about menacingly, alarmed passersby who were gathering at the Super Bowl venue.

Harland Dorrinson, who was participating in a pregame tailgating party, said he overheard the belligerent man making several “threatening remarks.”

“He said something like, ‘If I go down, I’m taking a lot of people with me,’” Mr. Dorrinson said. “He also said that someone was out to get him, but he was going to get him first.”

“He was ranting about how terrible this person was, saying, ‘Everything our high-school social studies teacher said was true,’” Mr. Dorrinson added. “It was the ravings of a madman.”

Calling the man “really scary and dangerous,” Mr. Dorrinson said he hoped that authorities would take the troubled individual into custody before the big game begins.

“He’s clearly angry and out of control,” he said. “A guy like that shouldn’t be in a position where he can do other people harm.”
***HUMOR****SATIRE***


By: Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker Magazine |
 

Dave C. (214)
Sunday February 2, 2014, 1:34 pm
I hope someone offered to help, but that might be considered socialistic.....
 

Carrie B. (306)
Sunday February 2, 2014, 2:13 pm
Thank you Kit. I read this earlier and hoped you would post it. Priceless!
 

JL A. (275)
Sunday February 2, 2014, 2:45 pm
Thanks for the so timely dose of AB Kit!
 

Natasha Salgado (522)
Sunday February 2, 2014, 3:08 pm
Funny! Thanks 4 the laugh Kit!
 

Candy L. (478)
Sunday February 2, 2014, 4:51 pm
Hope he's "going down for the last time". Lets hope there's not another Bridge-Gate after the Super Bowl!
 

Lois Jordan (56)
Sunday February 2, 2014, 5:45 pm
Still laughing here. Thanks, Kit.
 

Betsy Bee (1061)
Sunday February 2, 2014, 7:58 pm
Amusing as always, thank you, Miss Kitty.
 

Angela J. (62)
Sunday February 2, 2014, 9:00 pm
Thank you.
 

Pat B. (354)
Monday February 3, 2014, 7:29 am
Gotta love the humor in this. Thanks Kit, for my dose of AB this morning. ;-)
 

Sherri G. (113)
Monday February 3, 2014, 5:37 pm
Very Funny Andy. Thanks Kit Noted.
 
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