Sunday November 3, 2013, 3:17 pm
Thank you for sharing, talking about it can feel impossible - he would be 12 now, my sisters would be 7 months. Its an all too common tragedy that needs to be rid of it's taboo.
Sunday November 3, 2013, 4:12 pm
You are welcome Elizabeth and thank you for sharing to help people better recognize how many have had this experience, including perhaps people they know well who have not felt permission to speak.
Monday November 4, 2013, 1:14 am
This is a great tragedy which many people suffer and the silence adds to their pain.The problem with most people is that they don't like to talk about it because they are in a state of denial.Much more needs to be done to help those who go through such a profound experience.My heart goes out to everyone who has or will be effected by this.God bless.
Monday November 4, 2013, 7:02 am
You are welcome Terry and Keith. It is sad; perhaps what we need is to find ways to transform that sadness into empathy so society really does support the families with such pain and end the silence.
Monday November 4, 2013, 8:59 am
I had no idea that every 21 minutes a child is lost. The silence is deafening.
I have lost two babies, and although not at birth, their non-existence is heart breaking. The wonder of what they would have been like, what I would have been like as their parent, will never be known. As a result, I've never had children of my own, and now, I never will.
There is no blame. A life lost cannot be replaced by another. Sorrow is undefinable when a child/pregnancy is lost.
Monday November 4, 2013, 10:11 am
My condolences go to you Shawna and Elizabeth.
Although I realized a common occurrence I did not realize 21 minutes someone in USA alone was dealing with this heartbreak. As this is so common, why on earth do women still get placed back into the maternity ward immediately afterwards. To me that is heartless. Should be a bed in a room set aside for women who just had this happen, so they and the family can deal with what just took place without babies crying nearby. At least allow it to be an option of choice.
I mean would they show films of people doing ballet, gymnastics, and modeling pantie hose right after having a leg amputated. No, it would be thought of as too cruel. It doesn't mean that at some point in their life they might not be able to accomplish dancing with a single leg, but you wouldn't push it into their face right after the leg was lost.
Monday November 4, 2013, 11:28 am
Thank you for posting this video. People whose babies die or are stillborn need to be able to talk about their experiences in order to grieve properly. If we have healthy children our job is to provide a safe space to listen to them.
Having walked in those shoes, I can not watch the full video. Whether late term miscarriage or still born or lost in childhood, we all believe our children must out live us. When that does not happen there is deep and unrelenting pain. So many questions, so much pain and no easy answers.
Monday November 4, 2013, 7:22 pm
I cried thru the video - a child every 21 minutes is sadly devastating. My condolences to the three of you Kit, Shawna and Elizabeth, and all others still suffering in silence. A piece of my heart dies every time I hear a child has passed away. very sad
Tuesday November 5, 2013, 12:30 am
It is tragic and very Very sad. I lost a child at the tender age of 2. I was devastated and it took many years before I could talk about it, and many years to talk about with without getting hysterical. Shawna is so right their non-existence is heart breaking and leaves a hole in your heart and psyche. the pain can overwhelm you so much you forget people
I have a friend that had a child die at seven month and was left to carry this dead baby and go in labor when she did. It, she says was the hardest and most devastating thing of her life. Then she had to fight them to see the child as they were not going to let her see him to say goodbye.
That seems very important for healing which must, in point make a miscarriage all the more difficult
Wednesday November 6, 2013, 12:31 pm
You know as sad, and true as that video is, it applies to more than stillborns. I remember, I guess it was a couple of years after my youngest son's death at 21, being asked how many children I had. And being paralyzed for, literally, a minute, I didn't know what to say, my mind raced back and forth between saying two, but one still living, one, but one has passed, a thousand thoughts ran through my mind while I stood frozen. I finally said I had two, one has passed. Now, with both gone, I am more prepared, though I went through a period where I wondered if I was still a parent, really, or what exactly. What I came to was, is, I was blessed to have had two wonderful sons whom I love dearly, though they have each gone home before me. This is a question, a process, I think every parent who has a child precede them goes through. I don't think it is ever an easy answer, but this video goes a long way to expressing how all parents who have lost children feel. They still LIVE in us, are still part of our families, though there are empty chairs at gatherings that they should be in (I stopped going to family gatherings for a long time after Brandon died in 1997) and briefly after Evan died in 2010. What I feel most, now, is gratitude that I had them in my life at all and blessed that they chose me to be their father though not for as long here as I wanted, they will always be in my heart, and will always be my children, no matter where they are, or when.
Sunday November 17, 2013, 2:49 am
My daughter, happily married, into an influential family, enjoying a promising career and married to a man who was tender, gentle and would have make an ideal father, was pregnant after years of trying.
She and her husband were happily waiting for the child when she began to have labor pains about 3 months early. They rushed her to the hospital. The child was born but he had a serious heart condition. The body was not right. He would have been an invalid all his life according to the doctors.
Andrew lived until the next day. He held his father's finger. Then he died.
MY daughter lives in a small town. She stopped on the way home from the hospital to buy some flowers. She and her husband felt the need. When they got home they found it was filled with flowers and people who cared. Her doctor was there and assured the grieving couple that she would help Michelle to get pregnant. She did several tests on my daughter and the evidence was that it would be impossible for Michelle to have a normal child. She has a physical problem that would prevent it.
Now they have several cats. whom she considers to be her children.
Saturday November 30, 2013, 10:10 am
Those who have kept to the older teachings of Judiasm believe not even a crib should be put together until the baby is born. Jewish women today commonly have baby showers before the baby is born. In my mother's day, she had one after my brother and I were born were born.
This has to do with the Jewish belief that your child is in God's hands.
Monday January 6, 2014, 8:45 am
My husband was married before and they had a still born daughter. What made it worse, is that she was born on Father's Day. He has 2 sons, but she was the only daughter!!