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Kids' Absurd Letters to Santa

Offbeat  (tags: Kids' absurd letters to Santa )

- 1975 days ago -
Talk show host Steve Harvey shared Christmas cards written by children to Santa. He called them as "sweet as they are absurd." One child asked Santa to leave the Barbie on the roof i

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Rose Becke (141)
Tuesday December 25, 2012, 2:35 pm

Angelika R (143)
Tuesday December 25, 2012, 3:17 pm
Thx Agnes, funny.
Not sure if this one was a correspondence but surely it fits in here. I had it in my mailbox :-)

A Letter to Santa Claus

Dear Santa,

How are you? I am fine. How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from reindeer to elves, is fine. I've been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 5 for Christmas. I hope you remember that, come Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
Dear Timmy,

Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer, and the elves are all fine and send their thanks to you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried about all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can play with outside.

Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
Dear Mr. Claus,

Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. nice" contract set by you, I'm confident that you can see your way clear to granting me my simple request. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Plus, isn't a jibe about my weight rather trite, coming from an overweight man who only goes outside once a year?

Tim Jones
Dear Mr. Jones,

While I acknowledge you meet the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way a guarantee of services provided? Should you wish to pursue legal action, that is your right, but know that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than pleased to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise to which I alluded will not only improve your health, but also your social skills and potentially your complexion, which most days looks like the bottom of a Burger King fry bin.

Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
Look here, Fat Man:

I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I tried to be polite but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you're just disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my buds. We'll be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHATEVER I WANT, MAN!

Listen Pizza Face,

Seriously? You think a dude who can break into every house in the world in one night without getting caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? Remember that "sees you when you're sleeping, knows when you're awake" stuff? I got your sht wired, Jack. I go all around the world and I see ways to hurt people that, if I described them right now, you'd throw up your pizza rolls all over your Mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still gonna stop by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.

S Clizzy
Dear Santa,

Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.


That's what I thought, you little sht!


Jim P (3257)
Tuesday December 25, 2012, 3:46 pm
Kids are just plain funny in their innocent ways and manners. They are a delight!

Ty, Agnes.

Carol H (229)
Tuesday December 25, 2012, 4:10 pm
noted and enjoyed!! thank you Agnes

Sheila D (28)
Tuesday December 25, 2012, 4:24 pm
Merry Christmas, Agnes. Thanks for sharing some fun.

Kay M (347)
Tuesday December 25, 2012, 4:27 pm
cute stuff. thx.

Rebecca S (61)
Tuesday December 25, 2012, 5:05 pm
haha, gotta love it!

Past Member (0)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 2:02 am
love it,thanks.

Ellen m (215)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 3:25 am
So glad to see you back with your news stories Agnes..we missed you♥
This was some funny stuff, am sharing on fb ..
@Angelika ~ I got that via email as well..l'dmao ;-p

Teresa W (782)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 3:45 am
noted, thank you

Barbara Tomlinson (431)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 4:33 am
Oh I love that correspondence!

Patricia H. (440)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 4:55 am
noted, forgot how it was when you were young and believed in Santa

donnaa D (14)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 5:12 am
oh to believe in santa again

Tanya W (65)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 5:28 am

paul m (93)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 6:37 am


paul m (93)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 6:56 am


Faye Swan (23)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 7:02 am
Noted - thank you! I always did prefer the tooth fairy, though!

Robert Hardy (68)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 7:11 am
The honesty of children. Adults should be so clever.

Past Member (0)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 7:19 am
Thanks Agnes and Angelika.

Veronique L (209)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 8:14 am

Hayley C (7)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 8:38 am
Haha! :)

Arlie R (978)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 10:59 am
Thanks for sharing Agnes, cute and funny.

M B (62)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 2:17 pm
Thanks for sharing Agnes.

Isabelle J (81)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 3:53 pm
Funny !

aj E (164)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 5:13 pm

Kerrie G (116)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 10:42 pm
Noted, thanks.

Ro H (0)
Thursday December 27, 2012, 10:17 am

. (0)
Thursday December 27, 2012, 12:08 pm
For years, my mother and a neighbor would go to the post office and be allowed to read letters to Santa. They would pick out a few of the sadder ones, buy them what they asked for, wrap it, and deliver it after Christmas saying "Santa dropped this. I think this is for..."
The letters were heart breaking to hysterical.

Veronica C (22)
Thursday December 27, 2012, 10:10 pm
There is nothing like the childhood wonder and magic of Christmas.

Tanya W (65)
Friday December 28, 2012, 2:46 am

. (0)
Friday December 28, 2012, 10:35 am
love it..thanks Agnes..xoxo

MmAway M (505)
Friday December 28, 2012, 7:27 pm
Loved this dear will travel dear!

Ann B (60)
Saturday December 29, 2012, 12:02 pm
these are adorable Agnes - thanks

Vallee R (280)
Sunday December 30, 2012, 8:08 am
Saw this one - is the Barbie supposed to fly?

Ann B (60)
Saturday February 9, 2013, 9:29 pm
noted - found this again and began LOL. thanks again
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