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10 Ridiculous Christian Right Prophesies

Society & Culture  (tags: usa, culture, family, politics, Romney, LGBT, Bible, emergency contraception, microchipping, death panels, Obamacare, rights, Sharia Law, military, Obama, antichrist, pseudo Christian fanatical evangelical r, prophesies )

- 1827 days ago -
There's nothing right-wing Christians love better than making wild predictions or invoking outright prophecies that invariably turn out to be false. Here's 10 of the best from recent years. --- I found this quite amusing!

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Darren Woolsey (218)
Monday May 20, 2013, 12:22 pm
I don't think I'll be asking any of them for Lottery Results anytime soon...

Lynn Squance (235)
Monday May 20, 2013, 12:29 pm
I just had to share this with you! As I read it, as a liberal Christian, I couldn't help but laugh. But unfortunately, there are too many people who believe this stuff, or at least put some stock in it. I am incredulous that anyone could even consider this malarkey as credible!

Enjoy a snicker and a head shake at the expense of the pseudo Christian fanatical evangelical right-wing nuts!

Elle B (84)
Monday May 20, 2013, 1:12 pm
Ty Lynn . . . their imaginings feel like millions of fingernails on chalkboards and multiple hits to elbows. . .to the brain. . .crazy bones! what on earth are they eating! . . .definitely some major neural deficits and neurotransmitter issues here. . . head trauma from too many dogma and doctrine hits?

"My soul is dark with stormy riot,
Directly traceable to diet."
―Samuel Hoffenstein

"Some Christians use the Bible much as a drunk does a lamppost -- more for support than for illumination." ―Rev. William Sloane Coffin

"When dogma enters the brain, all intellectual activity ceases." ― Robert Anton Wilson

Beth M (138)
Monday May 20, 2013, 1:43 pm
Are they really crazy or are they on illegal drugs??

. (0)
Monday May 20, 2013, 1:48 pm
I'd rather be an athiest....

Alan Lambert (91)
Monday May 20, 2013, 1:57 pm
There’s nothing right-wing Christians love better than making wild predictions or invoking outright prophecies that invariably turn out to be false. Here’s 10 of the best from recent years.

1) Mitt Romney would win in 2012 and go on to be a two-term president. One week before the 2012 election, Pat Robertson assured viewers that Romney would not only beat Barack Obama for the presidency, but go on to be a two-term president. “Because the Lord told me,” he confidently explained to his guest. So either the Lord is lying to Robertson or Obama is more powerful than God. Or, I suppose, it could be that Robertson himself is a liar, though it’s considered impolite to say so directly.

2) If Obama wins in 2008, the Bible will be classified as “hate speech” and banned from the airwaves. In 2008, Focus on the Family sent out a letter from a fictional Christian in 2012 describing the decrepit, destroyed America that would be sure to exist in four years if Obama won in 2008. Some predictions, such as gays in the military and universal healthcare legislation, came true, but somehow the predicted arrests of people reading the Bible on the airwaves have not come to pass.

3) Making emergency contraception available without a prescription will cause “sex-based cults." With the legal battles over Plan B emergency contraception continuing, it’s worth looking back at some of the dire predictions made about the drug’s availability in the past. Back in 2004, one of Bush’s Christian right hires to the FDA, Janet Woodcock, warned that making Plan B available without a prescription could cause the drug to take on “an ‘urban legend’ status that would lead adolescents to form sex-based cults centered around the use of Plan B.” Shortly thereafter, the FDA removed the prescription requirements, though the drug still has age restrictions on it, which are currently being fought out in court. However, the sex-based cults haven’t manifested, though a handful of unwanted pregnancies have probably been prevented.

4) Legal gay marriage will lead to legalized parent-child marriages. In 2008, Rick Santorum warned that if gay marriage was legalized, all bets are off. (At the time, only Massachusetts had same-sex marriage.) “I love my children. I love my friends, my brother. Heck, I even love my mother-in-law. Should we call these relationships marriage, too?” he whined. Since then, 10 more states have legalized same-sex marriage and Minnesota is on the verge of becoming the 12th. So far, the predicted legalized incest has not come to pass in those states. Nor have any other dire religious right predictions about the “breakdown” of “traditional” marriage come to pass. Polygamy remains illegal and the divorce rate seems completely unaffected by same-sex marriage.

5) RFID microchips, the Mark of the Beast, will be implanted in all Americans on March 23, 2013. The Christian right has long worried about RFID chips, microchips that are easily scanned and can be used for a variety of tracking purposes, mostly commercial. A rumor rapidly spread in Christian right circles that the Affordable Care Act, which they call “Obamacare,” would require mandatory microchipping of all Americans on March 23, 2013. A sample page spreading this rumor was flagged at Daily Kos and had language like, “its a micro chip injected in your hand. it will contain all your personal data heath and bank accounts etc. its also a GPS device being monitored. they can deactivate it at any time if they find you suspicious or not loyal to their government or go against them or their system and you will lose everything you ever had.” For those keeping track, on March 23, Colorado legalized civil unions and Florida Gulf Coast beat Georgetown during March Madness, but only dogs and cats were forcibly microchipped that day.

6) If the Supreme Court upholds Obamacare, death panels will subject unproductive old people to execution. The claim that the ACA mandates “death panels” to rule on the right of old people to live is part of the larger religious right unease with healthcare generally, which tends to manifest most when it comes to reproductive health but also touches on end-of-life issues, as evidenced by the Terri Schiavo debacle. On the eve of the Supreme Court decision on the fate of the ACA (they upheld it), religious right icon Sarah Palin wrote on her Facebook page, “The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s ‘death panel’ so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their ‘level of productivity in society,’ whether they are worthy of health care.” The court upheld the legislation, which is currently being implemented, and death panels are nowhere in sight.

7) If Obama wins in 2012, conservative Christians will basically lose their right to vote and other freedoms. Joseph Farah of WorldNetDaily predicted prior to the 2012 election that if Obama won, “any Republican, conservative, independent journalist, pro-life activist, returning veteran, gun-rights activist, constitutionalist, Bible believer or critic of Obama” would lose their human rights, and that Obama would specifically “shut down and destroy all independent media.” He also predicted, “There may not be another free and fair election in America.” On May 7, South Carolina’s first district put this prediction to the test, holding a special election to determine its new congressman. By all accounts, it was a free and fair election, and the Republican won.

8) Sharia law! One of the favorite pastimes of the religious right is predicting that on X date, democratic rule of law will be overturned and replaced with sharia law. Glenn Beck pegged the day that Obama would start imposing sharia law as March 3, 2011. Two years later, mandatory adherence to a fundamentalist imam’s view of Islam still hasn’t manifested. During the election, a Christian right group called Government Is Not God ran ads claiming an Obama re-election meant sharia law across the land. So far, no signs of the Islamic theocracy that we were all supposed to be living under already.

9) The military will courtmartial Christian soldiers who don’t hide their beliefs. A rumor rapidly spread through the Christian right, with the help of Fox News and Breitbart News, that the military would soon start prosecuting any soldier who was out about being a Christian. Various news sources and, of course, Rep. Michele Bachmann protested this supposed new policy banning the expression of faith in the military. It is, of course, nonsense. The only military policy in play is a very old one, disallowing religious people from badgering and harassing those who don’t share their faith. But the impending end of religious freedom for soldiers is, simply put, a lie.

10) Obama will rise up and take over the world for Satan, triggering Armageddon and the return of Jesus Christ. One in five Republicans believe Obama is the Antichrist, who is, for those who haven’t read the Left Behind,series, supposed to be an emissary of Satan who takes over the world and triggers an all-out war between the forces of hell and of heaven, bringing the world to an end. A tall order for a man who only has three and a half years left in office and who seems to be making no movement in that direction, but then again, such an important being surely has magical powers to make it happen. This one hasn’t been conclusively disproved yet, but I’m including it on the list on the grounds that on the slim chance it does turn out to be true, probably no one will be reading this article looking to say they told me so anyway.

Alan Lambert (91)
Monday May 20, 2013, 2:05 pm
To quote our old friends in the Buffalo Springfield:

Paranoia strikes Deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always Afraid
Step out of line, the Man come and take you Away

lee e (114)
Monday May 20, 2013, 2:22 pm
You're on a roll Lynn - thanks for the chuckles!

pam w (139)
Monday May 20, 2013, 3:52 pm
WHAT FUN! How many wingnuts have predicted POSITIVELY the end of the world? The RAPTURE. Etc.

Gee...just like those Mayans....turns out they had an incorrect translation of the date or something.

Yes, THAT'S it! THEY weren't wrong.....the DATA was wrong!

Ummm, hmmmm!

Eternal G (745)
Monday May 20, 2013, 5:59 pm
Oh dear, it's one of their last resorts to keep the sheeple obeying now brown cow?

Gina Caracci (219)
Monday May 20, 2013, 6:14 pm
Perhaps they should read the Left Behind series..although its fiction based on the bible, it was very informative
and theyd see that Obama doesnt fit the bill

lol..loved this thx Lynn!

Sheila D (28)
Monday May 20, 2013, 7:16 pm
The Rabid Christian Right is so screwed up they can't decide what they want. On the one hand, they figure the world is going to end anyway, so why stop the destruction of our air, water, land, and everything living on the planet; they won't be here to see how bad it gets. On the other hand, they're going to blame everyone they don't agree with that it's their fault everything is screwed up, except God, and make sure their lies are heard far and wide. It's truly laughable, but rather scary, also.

Edwin M (346)
Tuesday May 21, 2013, 4:17 am
All the more reason to get out and vote, when people think their vote doesn't mean anything or have become so disillusioned by the political process and as a result have become apathetic they are allowing irrational people to vote for and elect like minded people into office and cause us all to suffer the consequences.

P A (117)
Tuesday May 21, 2013, 8:02 am
What a bunch of hate filled, insecure, lunatics! It just goes to prove the saying 'You don't have to be stupid to be a Conservative, but most Conservatives are!'. Strewth! Just how low an IQ would you have to have to fall for this garbage? Stars all over the place - thanks Lynn!

James Maynard (84)
Tuesday May 21, 2013, 9:46 am
What!?!?!? You mean none of that happened?

David Menard (43)
Tuesday May 21, 2013, 11:33 am
The Christian Reich are a bunch morons none of these idiots predictions ever come true but they keep digging bunkers whenever some wacko TV preacher of faux news pundit get another attack of chronic oral Diherrea The real sad part is when the world does not end they are disappointed .

Nancy Black (308)
Saturday May 25, 2013, 4:23 pm
Noted, tweeted, shared, tweeted, and shared. Don't believe these are true Christian beliefs, and I am not a religious person. I believe these are the beliefs of bigots who are trying to justify their bigotry on the basis of religion.

. (0)
Sunday May 26, 2013, 10:56 am
You have to laugh at it all really. Just like the world was to end last year because people were talking about the Mayan calendar as a prediction of the end of the world, instead of learning that it was just the end of the 13th Baktun and then we go back to the first. Gee so many people sold up and sat and waited for the world to end and nothing happened. Religious or not Crazy is Crazy.
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