DailyOm has an interesting piece about relationships today. Examining our motives in any situation can be quite useful, I've found.
Changing The Way We Relate-
Making Over Our Partners
A relationship, in the truest sense of the word, means relating to another. Usually when we say that we relate to someone, it is because we’ve found common ground. But part of relating is finding ways to make ideas that seem different come together. So often when we choose relationships, we try to fit another person into our predetermined ideal. When they don’t fit perfectly, we may try to make them over, creating our own vision from the raw material they’ve brought. But unless someone asks for guidance and direction, entering into a relationship with someone we want to change is dishonest. Then our relationship becomes with someone we’ve imagined, and anytime our partner steps outside of that imaginary projection, we will be disappointed. An honest relationship is one in which we accept each other as whole individuals, and find a way to share our life experiences together. Then, whenever we want, we can choose as a couple to give the relationship a makeover by renewing the way we interact.
By wanting to give another person a makeover, we are basically saying we don’t accept them for who they are. If we take a moment to imagine the roles reversed, we can get a sense of how it would feel if our beloved only committed to us because they thought we were, or would become, someone else entirely. In such an environment, we are not relating to each other from a real place, and we are keeping ourselves from being able to learn and grow from the different viewpoints that our partners offer.
If we feel that a change is needed in our relationship, the only makeover that we truly have the power to make is on ourselves. By accepting our partners for exactly who they are—the ideal and the not-so-ideal—we will create an energetic shift in our relationships, and we may find ourselves really appreciating our partners for the first time. Working from within, we determine how we relate to the people and the world around us, and when we can accept it and embrace it all, without conditions, we make every act of relating a positive one.
For more information visit dailyom.com
In many cases, opposites attract. So if we want to make our partner like us, and our partner wants the same, then we end up if we are successful, with opposite opposites.
In other words, if both are successful in changing their partner, they are still opposite, just in the opposite way of when they originally came together.
What chance is there of that happening? NOT...
If we can change a person to fit our image of perfection, then the odds are it is being done with force, bribes, guilt, or other less than desirable things that end up having their own consequences, such as the loss of the whole relationship.
Bottom line, it is best to accept the person we are with as they are, and just love them...
Of course there are choices, such as walking away from a cheating spouse, gambling addiction, or other bottom line behaviors that a person chooses not to change voluntarily on their own for the good of the relationship... There is this divine paradox of being together...
Unifier of Opposites
The Colour Green
Green is a combination of the colours yellow and blue, each of which brings its own unique energy to the overall feeling of the colour green. Blue exudes calm and peace, while yellow radiates liveliness and high levels of energy. As a marriage between these two very different colours, green is a unifier of opposites, offering both the excitement of yellow and the tranquility of blue. It energizes blue's passivity and soothes yellow's intensity, inspiring us to be both active and peaceful at the same time. It is a mainstay of the seasons of spring and summer, thus symbolizing birth and growth.
Green is one of the reasons that spring instigates so much excitement and activity. As a visual harbinger of the end of winter, green stems and leaves shoot up and out from the dark branches of trees and the muddy ground, letting us know that it's safe for us to come out, too. In this way, green invites us to shed our layers and open ourselves to the outside world, not in a frantic way but with an easygoing excitement that draws us outside just to sniff the spring air. Unlike almost any other colour, green seems to have its own smell, an intoxicating combination of sun and sky-earthy, bright, and clean. In the best-case scenario, it stops us in our tracks and reminds us to appreciate the great experience of simply being alive.
Green balances our energy so that in looking at it we feel confident that growth is inevitable. It also gives us the energy to contribute to the process of growth, to nurture ourselves appropriately, without becoming overly attached to our part in the process. Green reminds us to let go and let nature do her work, while at the same time giving us the energy to do our own.
The colour green balances our energy so that in looking at it we feel confident that growth is inevitable.
It was good to read your thoughtful words, Green Road.
Hi Jenny.. Thanks for posting. Remember that this work is copyrighted and we need permission to copy it as you did. If you got permission to copy it, great, but if not... I would contact the OM people and ask if you can post their work over here, along with a link as I put up above. That way, you stay out of trouble with the copyright police... ok?
If you continue to post, what I would do is copy the first paragraph, put quotes around it, post it, and then put a link to the rest of the article. This is an acceptable way to copy work that is copyrighted, but not get permission... It is considered 'fair use'.
Exerpt from DAILY OM: Going Back By Going Within - Healing Childhood Wounds
"With the wisdom of an adult, we can be the loving parent or guardian we needed as a child.
"Events from childhood, our first experiences, have the power to shape our lives. Some do so immediately, offering us challenges to overcome and encouragement to make use of our talents and interests. In the process character is built, and we make the first steps upon our personal paths. Other events seem to lay dormant until adulthood, when our closest relationships help to bring out the deepest aspects of ourselves. This is when unexamined lessons can be put to use and untended childhood wounds make themselves known in a call for healing."
watercolour, bookcover 2008, anita krietuse
note from jenny: Reparenting has been a beautiful experience for me . At first I was hesitant, then finally realized the parent I could be for myself had the potential to be without limits in unconditional love, generosity, compassion, enthusiasm, loyalty, and wisdom. In fact, the parent I deserved as a child. But it meant having to let go of 'stuff'. I wasn't able to do this alone.
thanks for that advice, Green Road.
I don't mean to challenge anyone with this article about rebirth and past lives - please consider it an intellectual exercise or just ignore it altogether if the subject goes against your personal beliefs.
The Gift of This Journey - Why We Don't Remember
exerpt from DAILY OM
"Most of us come into this life without memory of our prior life so that we focus on the life we are living now. Many of us wonder why we do not remember who we were before we were born. We wonder what it was like to be a soul without a body and what it will be like to be one again. Many of us have a strange sense that we do remember, as if we did experience a bodiless existence, but we can't quite recall the details. We may remember feeling as if we were flying, or as if we were just incredibly light and unrestricted in our movements. Still, most of us do not recall anything in detail about the time before we incarnated into a human body."
If you'd like to read more, here's the link: http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2010/26586.html
exerpt from Daily Om
"Many of us take the benefits of walking for granted. Each day we limit the steps we take by driving or sitting for long periods of time. But walking even a few blocks a day has unlimited benefits - not only for our health, but our spirit as well, for as we walk, we connect with the earth."
Prayer and Meditation - prayer is when we ask the universe for something, and meditation is when we stop and listen.
Sentences extracted from Daily Om:
"When we pray, we use language to express our innermost thoughts and feelings to a higher power...Prayer is reaching out to the universe with questions, pleas for help, gratitude, and praise.
"Meditation, on the other hand, has a silent quality that honours the art of receptivity. When we meditate, we cease movement and allow the activity of our minds and hearts to go on without us in a sense. Eventually, we fall into a deep silence, a place that underlies all the noise and fray of daily human existence...Both prayer and meditation are indispensable tools for navigating our relationship with the universe and with ourselves. They are also natural complements to one another..."
Read more here: http://www.dailyom.com/
Jenny you got some powerful messages here!
Beautiful yoga photograph, Winefred!
Thanks for the encouragement.
"Often, when we're unhappy, we fall into the habit of thinking that, if only one or two particular things in our life would change, everything would be fine... a new car, or a raise, or a change in our living situation. We dwell on this one thing and strategize, or complain, or daydream about what it would be like to have it. Meanwhile, underneath the surface, the real reason for our unhappiness sits unrecognized and unaddressed...if we are able to locate and explore the underlying cause of our discontent, all the surface concerns have a way of working themselves out in the light of our realization..."
Read more here: http://www.dailyom.com/
When Pain Comes Our Way
"It is especially important when pain comes our way to honour the experience, because our natural tendency is to push it away and move past it as quickly as possible. Yet, if we don't, it reveals itself to be a great friend and teacher.
As counterintuitive as it seems, we can honour pain by thanking it and by welcoming it into the space of our lives. We all know that often the more we resist something, the longer it persists . . . We can honour a painful experience by marking it in some way . . . by creating a work of art, performing a ritual, or undertaking some other significant act . . . to mark the ways in which our pain has transformed us, and to remind us to recognize and value all that comes our way in this life."
Read more here:
Letting Nature Work
"The same laws that govern the growth of plants oversee our own internal and external changes. We observe, consider, work, and wonder, tilling the soil of our lives, planting seeds, and tending them. Sometimes the hard part is knowing when to stop and let go, handing it over to the universe. Usually this happens by way of distraction or disruption, our attention being called away to other more pressing concerns. And it is often at these times, when we are not looking, in the silence of nature's embrace, that the miracle of change happens."
Read all of the article here
Sir Edward Dyer's poem, "My mind to me a kingdom is..."
My mind to me a kingdom is;
Such perfect joy therein I find
That it excels all other bliss
Which God or nature hath assign'd.
Though much I want that most would have,
Yet still my mind forbids to crave.
No princely port, nor wealthy store,
No force to win a victory,
No wily wit to salve a sore,
No shape to win a loving eye;
To none of these I yield as thrall,--
For why? my mind despise them all.
I see that plenty surfeit oft,
And hasty climbers soonest fall;
I see that such as are aloft
Mishap doth threaten most of all.
These get with toil and keep with fear;
Such cares my mind can never bear.
I press to bear no haughty sway,
I wish no more than may suffice,
I do no more than well I may,
Look, what I want my mind supplies.
Lo ! thus I triumph like a king,
My mind content with anything.
I laugh not at another's loss,
Nor grudge not at another's gain;
No worldly waves my mind can toss;
I brook that is another's bane.
I fear no foe, nor fawn on friend,
I loathe not life, nor dread mine end.
My wealth is health and perfect ease,
And conscience clear my chief defence;
I never seek by bribes to please,
Nor by desert to give offence.
Thus do I live, thus will I die,--
Would all did so as well as I!
Conscious Creation from Daily Om - The First Moments Of The Day
"The moment during the day when we very first open our eyes and come into consciousness is a precious opportunity. It sets the tone for all that comes after it, like the opening scene in a film or novel. At this moment, our ability to create the day is at its most powerful, and we can offer ourselves fully to the creative process by filling this moment with whatever inspires us most. It may be that we want to be more generous, or it may be that we want to be more open to beauty in our daily lives. Whatever the case, if we bring this vision into our minds at this very fertile moment, we empower it to be the guiding principle of our day."
If you like you can read more here.
Giving and Receiving . . .
exerpt from Daily Om
"Giving and receiving are part of the same cycle, and we each give and receive in our own ways...
"Accepting a person's gift is a gift in itself. Sincere appreciation for their acknowledgement and their effort joins our energy with theirs in the cycle of giving and receiving, and nurtures all involved. If ever we find we are still having difficulty, we can decide to allow ourselves to be conduits for gratitude and accept on behalf of a loving, giving universe."
Read the article here: http://www.dailyom.com/
Temporarily Off Balance
Exerpts from DailyOm.com - Going Through A Phase
We are all almost always in the process of learning something new, developing an underused ability or talent, or toning down an overused one. Some of us are involved in learning how to speak up for ourselves, while others are learning how to be more considerate. In the process of becoming, we are always developing and fine tuning one or the other of our many qualities, and it is a natural part of this process that things tend to get out of balance. This may be upsetting to us, or the people around us, but we can trust that it’s a normal part of the work of self-development.
In this process, we are overcompensating for a quality that was suppressed in our life, and the swinging of the pendulum from under-use to overuse serves to bring that quality into balance. Understanding what is happening is a useful tool that helps us to be patient with the process. In the end, the pendulum settles comfortably in the centre, restoring balance inside and out.
P o e t r y i n M o t i o n
Exerpt from DailyOm
Our bodies love movement. When we stretch or dance, our bodies adjust, realign and start to become fluid with the rhythm of life. Our mood lifts and we feel more connected with the world around us. If you are feeling stuck, ready to release old energy, or eager to feel more alive, try moving your body. By giving your muscles a chance to do what they were created for, you may find that all areas of your body and your life benefit as well.
Many times we can be so busy that we forget moving our body is even an option. Some of us remain seated at our computer for hours every day or rush from task to task with robotic precision. When we are caught up in crossing items off our to-do lists, we tend to neglect all the opportunities there are to enjoy our bodies in the process of living. If this is true for you, begin looking for opportunities to move. You might try dancing or moving about freely as you clean your home, tend your garden or care for your children. If you are able to devote a set amount of time to self-care, practices such as yoga, dance, tai chi and walking are all great ways to keep your body in motion...
Truth Of Impermanence
... as we grow older, we worry about the inevitable changes our body encounters and the fact that life is not endless. From a Buddhist perspective, human beings cause their own suffering when they consider their egos to be fixed and permanent and therefore at conflict with a world of change...
According to Buddhist lore, the Buddha ... realized that all living things... would someday pass away from the world. Sensing that we all face the same fate, he felt great compassion for all living things and felt deeply that we are all interdependent. He understood that the root of suffering was a lack of acceptance of this fact of impermanence...
By awakening to the truth of our interdependence, we become far more than individuals struggling...
For more information visit Aboutdharma.org
Unconscious Communication - Chronic Lateness
Exerpt from DailyOm
Addressing chronic lateness helps us to better honour both others and ourselves.
Being late for an appointment or a date can seem like a small thing that really doesn’t matter, but it communicates volumes, whether we mean it to or not. Being kept waiting is an experience that almost no one enjoys, because at best, it wastes their time, and at worst, it indicates a lack of regard. It’s as if we’re saying that our time is more important than their time, so we don’t need to honour them by showing up when we said we would...
...Sometimes this happens out of a lack of self-regard, as if we aren’t really important anyway, so why will anyone care if we’re late, or don’t show up at all. Chronic lateness can also stem from being disorganized, or simply trying to do too much in one day. Another possible reason for being late to a particular appointment, or date, is that we don’t really want to be there. We communicate our disinterest or boredom by not showing up on time...