Hee, hee, hee...I see the resemblance. Very beautiful eyes! You do have a great sense of humor, Cezar!
A set of definitions I once found on a site:
Self-Control - The ability to eat only one peanut.
Battle - Where a whole lot of white men kill a few Indians.
Massacre - Where a whole lot of Indians kill a few white men.
Yogurt (noun) - Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.
Confidence - The feeling you have before you understand the situation.
Lawyer - A cat who can settle a dispute between 2 mice.
Love - Two vowels, two consonants, two fools.
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each.
So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff. and he was gone!! Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff. And he was also gone!! The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35 pm, today!!"
MORAL OF THE STORY IS: "ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"
Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand, "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."
LESSON II: "NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING"
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA When the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of ese are you?" The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean." The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was confused over he question. The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you ... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......???"
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind of 'key' was he?
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee' am I ?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, a donkee, or a monkee?"
LESSON III: "NEVER INSULT ANYONE"
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, she said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you A wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true." The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted, "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so Contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly He steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "%#&!*%!!!!!!!........."
LESSON IV: "THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN"
The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was In charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up: Brain......... I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
Blood........ I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain. Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain. Legs......... I should be in charge because I take the brain where it Wants to go. Eyes......... I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going. Asshole.....I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste. All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad. To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and Stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.
Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried ou
I give you all permission to laugh at me!
"A Small Accident"
O.K. Lets get really wet!
My camera and right hearing aid got damaged; but the laughter and good memories of one of my sisters, one of my nieces (the one who took the picture) and I worth the loss!
Ok. Then I laugh:
Thanks for sharing your photos with us, Felicita!
I think honesty is healthier. Be natural, dont play game.
Be balance and peaceful. Do not loose your mind in emotions .
Summer is coming now.
With the rhythm of dance, spreading the feet
the earth is laughing.
This summer comes in life and mind providing inner bliss.
I'm exhausted from laughing. I just got back from a couple hours out on the streets yucking it up with one group of people after another. I play my kartalas (little hand cymbals) and chant and wander here and there. From time to time I find groups and they either form around me or I go to them and I chant and then I stop and ask them, "I could have gone with the mobile (I hold up one of the kartalas to my ear) or I could have gone with the kartalas. I decided on the kartalas. What do you think?" They always laugh. They know I'm bugging them about giving up their fine sweet culture and taking up nasty Western ways and it's easy for them to join in the laughter. I'm happily exhausted and feel like I've been out swimming in some kind of an ecstatic ocean of bliss.
To attain complete success in life, one must have mental equipoise, balance. When there is a superior or inferior complex in the mind, it is out of balance and control.
Everyone must remember to play their different part in His Drama.
Actually, in happiness and sorrow no one is miserable or wretched, no one is blessed. No one is wise; no one is a stupid fool. Everyone has to play their parts and nothing else. Whoever can remember this, will not suffer any sorrow and will not be overwhelmed in happiness either.
What we deepest want is not fun and laugher. We want infinite peace,
OK, Deva, RIP good buddy, RIP. Me? I want to be drunk on love of God. Too many people have bought into this whole job syndrome mentality. They compartmentalize and section off their lives. It's a result of indoctrination and the Protestant Puritanical ethic. Everyone thinks they have to suffer in order to enjoy. That's ridiculous and very sad. I have to suffer at some job before I can laugh and enjoy my life. How absurd! If we can move beyond even bliss and ecstasy and realize the full potential for love then we won't entertain the idea of retreating into some peaceful land of limbo. We will be happy to interact with our world and serve the Supreme Being by doing so.
There's an interesting experiment that speaks to this. They put about a dozen chimpanzees in a cage with a central area where a bunch of bananas can be lowered into the cage. Any time any of the chimps go towards the bananas, though, they are sprayed with ice water until they learn to stay away from the bananas. Then the experiment takes an interesting turn. One of the chimps is taken out and a new one put in her place. Now when the bananas are lowered into the cage the other chimps immediately grab the new chimp and won't let her go near the bananas. This is done repeatedly. New chimpanzees are put in place of the original chimps until there's a whole new set of chimps in there, none of whom have ever been sprayed with the ice water. The whole new crew have learned from each other to stay away from those bananas. The moral of the story? "Hey, this is the way we've always done things around here." When I tell people that in human life they can all live beautifully and happily simply by chanting, dancing and enjoying nice vegetarian foodstuffs, they tell me I'm crazy. The fact of the matter is though, that that is exactly how I'm living and there's really no limit to how many people could live this way. Before man came in and started making claims on his environment, the elephant lived happily on over a hundred kilos of food a day. Now because man thinks he knows better, even the elephants are threatened.
CATAPower Point PresentationsThe Great Gathering of Riders_filesframe.htm
Sorry! I tried to post a Power Point Presentation, but I failed to cancel the post.
Felicita, I think that it's great that you can take a fall yet retain your ability to laugh! You're awesome! I missed this thread back in May, probably when the Care2 upgrades were taking place.
Break the rules!
Pray without ceasing,,
And never regret anything that made you smile
Thanks for the laugh. I loved it. I hope you all are enjoying the summer.
Thanks for the laugh. I loved it. I hope you all are enjoying the summer.
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic doesn't work anymore. Here, eat this root.
Times Obituary of the late Mr. Common
'Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teenagers suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Elastoplast to a student but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you
couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.'
I love the story of Mr. Common Sense! I’ll post it on my blog as well.
Today there are elections in my country. I couldn’t resist showing you a picture of some of our candidates...
Three fat men and a sexy dame??? So, who won?
Once I was very upset with my to become husband, and I screamed at him; the thing is, I dont remember ever sreaming at anybody during my entire life...so I would yell, but my voice was not at the level where you can be taken seriously, you know? I could see he was hesitating with laughing out loud or screaming back; I could see that struggle on his face, and that would drive me even more mad and at the same time...I was feeling ridiculous...the next day he told me :"you know, about your yelling yesterday...that was very unprofessional"
Having an "unprofessional yelling" still makes me laugh now Oh well...
A good primal scream can relieve stress...except for the person to whom it's directed.
MEL: you're right, screaming feels good when it comes from your guts, and you feel it exploding in your mouth, I love it! But for now I just cannot put words on it while doing it and yelling at someone in another language than yours is also weird since you have to *think* what you're screaming ; in my language I guess the curses would be more fluid...
The Good Husband
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his
Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't
taste like alcohol at all.
He didn't even remember how he got home from the
As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something
wrong.. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the
first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on
the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!!
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him,
all clean and pressed. He looks around the room
and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean.
So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black
eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror
written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife
in lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove,
I left early to get groceries to make you your
favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian'.
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot
breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.
His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, 'Son..what happened last night?'
'Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of
your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked
in the hallway, and got th at black eye when you ran into the
Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in
such perfect order and so clean?
I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting
His son replies, 'Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the
bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off,
"Leave me alone, I'm married"!!!
Good one, Felicita!
Who won our elections, Melissa? Everybody! What would you expect?
There is more and more a gap between our political leaders and the People. They live in their high class and we look after our own business in our low class. They live in a rich and fancy world, we struggle to survive. Yesterday the crowd threw coins in the leader of the 1989 revolution, calling him a murderer. Today they hit him with eggs. They’re probably following the delicious example of the Iraqi journalist casting his shoes in Mr. Bush. I totally agree.
40% of our voting population went to vote (less than half – a voting strike). The social-democrats (the Left) and the democrat-liberals (the Right) got 30% each, while the liberals finally landed in opposition. To our utter surprise, so that they can steal better the country, they shook hands and today we’re about to have a government (in the interest of the country – how ironical!) formed by the Left and the Right. I suppose that we’re the first country in the world where the 2 extremes rule a country together so as to steal… err… save us from corruption and the economic crisis. Following this chaos, the ones who voted against the Left were surprised to see the Left ruling alongside the Right, and vice-versa. Living in this country resembles more and more to a lunatic house…
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the
stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go
quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to
the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he
OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a
question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass
- . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty,
and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks
about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss
nuclear power when you don't know %#&!*%?
ahahaso funny mel!
Thanks, Cristele...I loved the pics of the animals together. So adorable!
Ten drugs you should not take while driving:
The site is in Romanian and the video is in German, but it's not a problem to understand... I hope...
Caught on the fly of true moment of happinness
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact:
"Marion... Marion "
"Is that you, Bob?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.
I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.
Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.
After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"
"Oh my, Bob, you Are in Heaven, yes?"
"No..........I'm a rabbit in Arizona.
Next time you think your hotel bill is too high, you might want to consider
My wife and I are traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George . After
almost eleven hours on the road, we were too tired to continue, and decide
to take a room. But, we only planned to sleep for four hours and then get
back on the road. When we checked out four hours later, the desk clerk
hands us a bill for $350.00.
I explode and demand to know why the charge is so high. I tell the clerk
although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00. Then
the clerk tells me that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. I insisted on
speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to me, and then explains that the hotel has an
Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us
to use. 'But we didn't use them.' 'Well, they are here, and you could
have,' explains the Manager.
He goes on to explain we could also have taken in one of the shows for
which the hotel is famous. 'We have the best entertainers from New York ,
Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says.
'But we didn't go to any of those shows,' .'Well, we have them, and you
could have,' the Manager replies.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, I reply, 'But we didn't use
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually I gave up and agreed to pay.
I write a check and give it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. 'But sir,' 'this check
is only made out for $50.00. ''That's correct, as I charged you $300.00 for
sleeping with my wife.'
'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.
'Well, too bad, she was here, and you could have.'
Don't mess with Senior Citizens
That is a pretty good come back. Teehee.
^^"! If I can think of anything really funny, I'll come bk and post. =)
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" Asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" The teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.
The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!