Hey Sluts, Stop Oppressing Me!

Faith. It gets no respect. Forget the War on Women. We need to pay attention to the real war: the War on Religion.

You see, there is a myth in this country that everyone has the right to worship as they see fit. Those bleeding heart liberals are taking away our ability to openly and flagrantly discriminate against the gays! When will it end?

Everyone knows that when you believe in God (the Christian god, of course. Not those other false ones) you get to do whatever you want. If one can rationalize it from passages from the Bible, it’s incontrovertible proof! Man’s Law cannot override it.

Except those liberal atheist feminists are trying to do just that. They have President Obama crushed thoroughly under their immoral, man-hating combat boots. I’m sure you’ve heard of this HHS mandate that forces Catholic organizations to pay for birth control pills for every hussy that passes through its doors. Close your legs, ladies!

Don’t believe those myths perpetrated by the liberal media. They’ll say that the mandate doesn’t require religiously-affiliated organizations to dole out birth control free-of-charge to women. They’ll say that it’s up to the private insurance companies to do it. Don’t believe it. This vile mandate requires religiously-affiliated organizations to recognize that some women like to have sex for pleasure and don’t want to get pregnant.

Noooo! As a person of faith, I demand that you maintain the fiction I’ve created for myself that the only women who have sex for pleasure are atheist sluts who deserve everything they get! Stop oppressing me!

Does this sound like something you can get behind? If so, you might like to attend a rally to stand up for religious freedom, which is being held nationwide this Friday to oppose the HHS mandate.

Related posts:

Obama’s New Birth Control Position: Good Policy, Good Politics

Bishops Want Businesses Exempt from Birth Control Coverage

Boehner Fights Contraception Rule; Catholic Women Speak Up

Image credit: brains the head


Veronica C.
Veronica C5 years ago

I want my minute of reading this back.

Redgie H.
Redgie H5 years ago

Jennifer A,
Actually, according to the story, God made Eve to be a subservient helper to Adam. And since the serpent was the only other sentient being around, I think we know who's fig leaves "Steve" was messing with.

Jennifer Anctil
Jennifer Anctil5 years ago

they have it all backwards the men are the sluts and the women are the ones always being Oppressed, for the gay our creator made adam to be with eve not steve.

Mike and Janis B.
Janis B5 years ago

There is nothing Christian and we know mormonism is just a cult which oppresses women, in the current flavour of Republicanism. It just is home to a bunch of misogynistic crackpots. Why anyone would given them any semblance of respect or credit is utterly baffling.

Sandy Erickson
Sandy Erickson5 years ago

Nothing wrong with birth control. Blaming Christians for hampering freedom...maybe...stoning belongs to the same religious folks that hang with Obama. DO NOT RE-ELECT OBAMA!

Redgie H.
Redgie H5 years ago

Mindy, what can I say? Thank you. It may not have been exactly on point, but it completely focused the absurdity of many of their positions.

pam w, "BROAD satire"? Language slut!

Megan N, Sorry, while I think it is certainly the responsibility of the electorate to elect qualified representatives, the First Amendment can be clearly read to prohibit the government from enacting laws which are in any way religiously biased. And I would suggest that the founding fathers, coming from a country with an official, state sanctioned religion, had a very clear notion that the church would seek to control the government.

Veronica R, Yes! Those pills turn you into SuperSlut! So, pop one, grab your handcuffs, make your hubby assume the position, and you go, girl!

Elaine A, The inane, unfounded pronouncements you and Steve R make may appear to children to be clever, or even intelligent, but most of us see them for what they are, snide and insipid.

And speaking of Steve, perhaps someone should invite him to relocate to an Islamic country where someone other than Elaine will think he's a man.

Nirvana Jaganath
Nirvana Jaganath5 years ago


Norma V.
Norma Villarreal5 years ago

Bible bashing bigoted Christians unite...

Gloria H.
Gloria H5 years ago

Why haven't the fanatics picketed doctors who preform vasectomies? Isn't that interfering with every sperm having a chance to become a life? Hey guys, they will be after you next! Get snipped and you will go to hell.

Shan D.
Shan D5 years ago

"Yeah Pam W. I know that but guess what? In her satire she spoke the truth. So I guess that ultimately backfires on you! LOL!

And Steve R. You are the man! Good job my friend and I saw that as a woman who is under no control to any man!" - Elaine the Half-Witted -

Elaine, I can't decide if you're Steve under a duplicate account or a woman who hates other women, or if you're just plain stupid. I do know that I find you utterly disgusting.

You know what the irony is in this? I'm atheist, yet I follow Christ's teachings better than many self-professed Christians. I do unto others as I would have them do unto me - NOT, as the current brand of Christianity goes, "Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you." I try not to judge people, but admittedly it's damn hard when one is confronted with so much stupidity and pettiness.

How did that particular part of the Sermon on the Mount go...? "Blessed are the peacemakers...? The only place I wage war is when I play Civilization (either on computer or board game). This world is too precious to do it for real.