3 Steps To Hooking – And Keeping – A Date With Just Your Words

By Dina Z Colada for YourTango.com.

We all know that effective communication is important for couples, but don’t forget to talk the talk when you’re dating you’ll hook a man who is really worthwhile.

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place,” said George Bernard Shaw. That’s the truth, especially when you put on your pretty smile, a sexy red halter dress, and hope for the best on your first date with Mr. Really Sweet Black Mercedes Convertible (who actually calls his mom every week and treats you like a queen). You think everything is going well, and then you never hear from him again, or the next guy… or the next guy (and so forth).

More from YourTango: How To Flirt Without Saying A Word

What’s going on here? Instead of placing the blame on the guys, consider that maybe the problem is how you communicate. Perhaps what you say doesn’t always match how you feel. There are a lot of reasons a man might not call, but a big one that will have any good guy running in the opposite direction is a woman who’s not a good communicator. Having effective communication means being authentic at all costs, even if it means losing a chance with him. He will know when you are not being real… and no good man wants to be with a faker.

Do you know how to get across your desires?

3 Steps to Communicating Effectively

1. Deep listening. You can enhance your communication style by actively paying attention to your date. What does this look like? Sometimes, it looks like you using your ears more than your mouth. That’s one way to do it. Your ears aren’t just to show off your big silver hoops. Earrings are a great accessory for one of your biggest communication assets, so you might as well dress them well and match your outfit while you are paying attention to that new sharply dressed man.

More from YourTango: 5 Tips For Healthy Communication- Healthier Relationships

When you’re in a conversation, sometimes less is more. If there is a silence over cocktails, you don’t have to always fill up the space with a monologue. You can look in his eyes and connect with him. When it comes to shiny earrings and listening, in my book, bigger is always better. Effective Communication In Relationships Starts With The First Date Conversation

2. Body language. How you hold yourself in conversations says a lot about your values and personality.

Make sure you show with your body that you are listening, and don’t be afraid to graze his arm or hand on ocassion to show your interest. Pay attention to his body cues — is he facing you? Is he touching your arm or hand? Is he listening?

3. Play Ball. Effective communication is one of the biggest elements to building the kinds of relationship you really want, and one of the biggest dangers to a healthy relationship is game-playing. You can have fun when you’re getting to know a new man, but you don’t want to confuse him. When he throws you the verbal communication ball, make sure to throw it back. If he asks you a question, answer honestly and don’t be vague. Men don’t want to have to read between the lines to figure out what you really mean.

For example, if he asks if you like ice cream, but you are lactose-intolerant and just looking at it makes you sick, you don’t have to give him all the gory details of what happened to your tummy the last time. Simply tell him, “It’s really not my favorite, but I do love sorbet!”

It doesn’t matter how good your berry bomb lips look when speak, what really matters is how you communicate, and communication is not just your words. Having effective communication is the key to getting to know yourself, letting others see the real you, and, in the process, getting the man of your dreams. Want to know How To Get A Second Date In 3 EPIC Steps?

More from YourTango: 10 Dos And Don’ts For Healthy Relationship Communication

Effective communication will make not only make your dating and love life EPIC, it will help you in all of your relationships. If you are looking to have more than just one date with a guy, or even a serious, monogamous relationship, dating is the very best place to get to know yourself and practice your newly found effective communication skills. Put them into use now. When you meet a new guy, love yourself, look into his eyes, speak from your heart, and you will land that man who is perfect for you. But until then, be real and put yourself out there, and have plenty of fun along the way.

If you are ready to learn more about how to Have an EPIC Dating, Love and Relationship Life, get Dina Z Colada’s free EPIC newsletter and download your free Sassy Sexy Single Dating Toolkit.

This article originally appeared on YourTango.com:Dating & Effective Communication: Hook & Keep A Man.


Panchali Yapa
Panchali Yapa4 years ago

Thank you :)

Wisteria K.
Past Member 5 years ago

Complicated issue. Do we really know the deep secrets about why two persons fall for each other....

Freddy Jones
Freddy Jones5 years ago

thanks for sharing

Alfred Donovan
Past Member 5 years ago

The use of the word hooking is an unfortunate use of this word here as it gives the wrong impression.

Michael A.
Michael A5 years ago


Elena T.
Elena Poensgen5 years ago

Thank you :)

Kristin G.
Kristin Gabella5 years ago

I disagree with the playing ball comment. Why not be yourself and just explain your awful loose stools after eating ice cream?

Doris G.
Past Member 5 years ago


Dina Colada
Dina Colada5 years ago

Hi Care2 commenters,

I wrote article
"3 Steps To Hooking – And Keeping – A Date With Just Your Words" in the spirit of the saucy, the sassy, the funny, with a hint of wisdom. When I write, it is pretty tongue in cheek. Although, I do think bigger listening (and bigger hoops from a fashion standpoint) are better. And I hope all of you don't take the way I write too seriously. I want to have fun here everyone. Writing is my creative outlet, and the real message of this story, is to have effective communication with body language, playing ball with your words (pun intended), listening and having fun along the way.

I truly hope for women and men to have effective communication because there are so many people I see in relationships that are UNHAPPY. I was hoping people would see the silver lining of how important it is that we ALL have good communication by sharing communication, not hogging up all the space with what you think, and have a laugh while you're at it.

I really appreciate all of your comments and I was writing for a mostly female audience, and I'm glad it was shared on Care2 so I could get feedback from some more men. It's the responsibility of everyone to understand one another, men and women. We're grownups here, right?

When two people are in a relationship they both need to respect one another and cherish the other person's feelings. I never want to go to bed holding a grudge, feeling misunderstood, angry at the other person or feeling sor

Nathan W.
Nathan W5 years ago

Gloria H.

"Maybe to add at the end of the date...I think I have a winning lottery ticket...I'm going to recheck it tomorrow."

If you ended the date with a blatant lie or even bragging, I would never call back the next day. Would you?