4 Important Friendship-Feeding Habits

By Coach Shari, DivineCaroline

We were out to dinner with good friends last week, enjoying happy hour with sake and sushi. My friend relayed to the waitress what she wanted for dinner, and ended her order with, ďI would like extra ginger please.Ē I looked up at her and smiled. You know why? Because my good friend ordered that for me ó she knows that I always enjoy extra ginger with my sushi. I happen to think that makes her an awesome friend and definitely a keeper. That small action inspired this weekís blog; I realized that there are certain habits that feed your friendships.

1. Go out of your way to make your friends feel special.
I know this is difficult when youíre juggling so many responsibilities in your life. You probably often feel like you canít fit any more on your plate, emotionally or logistically! However, as crazy as it seems, that one moment when she ordered the ginger for me made me feel special. It meant that she pays attention to what makes me happy and she was thinking of me. Trust me, she has plenty to keep her busy right now in her own life. But somehow, in that moment, she was able to completely focus on our friendship.

2. Mean it when you say that you forgive and forget.
There are women that verbalize that they forgive but donít let truly go in their heart. They hold on to things in their close relationships and it eventually negatively impacts the relationship. It simmers beneath the surface and when the friendship hits rocky waters, the incident from many years ago comes spewing out of their mouth. Are you guilty of this? Please try to remember that forgiving someone truly means forgiving and moving on. Acknowledge your hurt or anger, work through the emotions and move on.

3. Listen to your friend and validate their feelings.
When your friend is sharing a problem with you, you most likely want them to feel better. This could lead to you trying to ďfixĒ the problem for them. However, usually what they want and need is for you to listen and validate that you understand what they are going through. With our busy lives, itís sometimes hard to truly listen to someone. To be an active listener requires you to focus all of your attention and energy on that one task; however, it is well worth it. A point to remember during this process is to leave judgment out of the equation. True friends donít judge; they let their friends know that they support them. Your friend might just need to share the problem in order to come to her own conclusions.

4. Be there for your friend in the good times and the bad.
Letís be honest here. Sometimes, itís easier for us to be there for our friends when theyíre down than it is when everything is going stellar for them. You know why? Itís a little thing called jealousy. It grabs ahold of you and itís hard to shake. At times itís downright embarrassing to us, but at some point, it happens to everyone. Hereís a tip: acknowledge your feelings and work through them. It is normal to feel envy when your life is having a downturn and your friendís life is soaring. Accept your feelings and move on. Eventually, the tables will be turned and you will appreciate the support.

I believe we all can agree that our friendships are very, very important to us. I encourage you to take an honest look at YOU and your friendships and make the changes needed to be an exceptional friend.



More from DivineCaroline:
12 Things You DONíT Need to Do by 25 (Or 30)
Oh, So THIS Is the Quarterlife Crisis Everyone Talked About?
Secrets to Finding Heels That Wonít Kill Your Feet


More from Care2:
7 Simple Ways to Say ďI CareĒ
How Friendships Improve Health
7 Tips For Finding Your Tribe


Jessica K.
Jessica K4 years ago

Good definition of what differentiates a real friend from one that is not. Thanks.

Elena Poensgen
Elena Poensgen4 years ago

Thank you :)

Kate S.
Kate S6 years ago


Dale Overall

Friends are treasures and delights who help keep the darkness away and share the joys of life.

Roger M.
Past Member 6 years ago

Very good, Thanks.

Beth G.
Beth G.6 years ago

Up until this past Wednesday afternoon I thought I had a really good email friend, to whom we have been emailing back and forth almost daily for atleast 8 yrs or more...Two years ago, she lost her husband and I sent her my sincere thoughts to her and then mentioned to her that she was lucky that he did not suffer at the end. Well 6 months later give or take she met a gentleman and now she is in a relationship with him. They are not living together but see each other quite often, go on trips, etc...She is a senior like me and he too. They have had a few disagreements and she at one time or another felt he was trying to control her to which she did point all this out to him. Anyhow she would email me with my advice or opinion and I would give it to her, but it was only my opinion, bottom line she was the one to make the decision and I did mention this to her. I was a friend who gave support who listened...I have my own issues to deal with. Anyhow during the last two weeks she found fault in everything I wrote to her...she would see that I made spelling errors, I would screw up the word do, and due many a time and she pointed this out to me in a very opinionated and critical way. I put up with this over the years I must have a mental block with those two words, I had over the course of time told her that I had trouble explaining things in writing and hoped she had understood what I said or meant. Then her emails became quite nasty towards me and then I stood my ground an

Sally Allen
Sally A6 years ago

There are real friends who are truly there for you and then there are the false ones who only act to be your friend. So good tips here.

Ahlam Zaid
Ahlam Zaid6 years ago

To have friends , be a friend :)

Terry V.
Terry V6 years ago

common sense

Ingo Schreiner
Ingo Schreiner6 years ago

great tipps