Confessions From Your Fearless Leader

Confession Time: I feel lost, overwhelmed, and invisible today.

I’m behind on the stuff I am supposed to know how to do. I can’t figure out how to do the stuff I need to be doing to bring new clients and students into my business. The words won’t come, I’m missing deadlines, and I’m disconnected from people that matter to me and my business. The tornado in my head is swirling with such momentum that all I can do is sit and stare into nothingness. Every single twisted thought floating around within me is accompanied by an invisible friend who whispers and laughs, taunting me about how I’m the one who is supposed to teach the other Wildflowers that it doesn’t have to be this way. It says I’m done, I’m a fraud, and nobody would ever hire me for coaching or come to my class if they knew what a mess I really am.

Well, I call bullshit on that little voice in my head.

This is real. The Wildflower life isn’t always easy. We get overwhelmed because we have so many ideas, we care so much, and we love so completely. Sometimes we get turned upside down, and it takes love, lots and lots of love from other people and most importantly, from ourselves, to turn us upright again. Sometimes we give too much and have to pause to refill our own tanks. And sometimes, when a profound healing and evolution is underway, we feel like we are absolutely shattered. We feel lost or overwhelmed or invisible, but we are not. This is the beautiful and sometimes bumpy journey back to the truth of who we are. This is what it looks like to be Wild and true and free… to be me.

If this is your story, know that you are not alone. I shared this confession on myWildflower Evolution page on Facebook and it cultivated more responses than anything I’ve ever shared there before. This is a sign of these magical times, a period of upheaval that follows a great awakening. Wild Ones are invested in the spirituality of awakening to the self. We are unfolding into this new way of being, releasing the old tools and language to make space for the new ways of functioning personally and professionally.

We stumble around, or so it feels on days like today, picking up pieces of the new way from teachers and healers and spiritual guides, movies and books and even viral video clips. We get some of the best guidance from within, as long as we have the courage to listen. When what we used to do falls flat or makes chaos for us, that is the ultimate invitation to release what no longer serves us. This, of course, can be terrifying if we don’t yet know what todo with ourselves instead.

That’s where I am today. Releasing, for what feels like the thousandth time, the old way of marketing what Ido for a living, the things Ido to serve this community, the monetizing of my unique and fabulous Christy-ness that continues to get more difficult to describe as I shift deeper into my power, gifts, and intuition. You know what I’m talking about because the words sometimes fail you, too.

It was absolutely amazing. It changed my life. It was so… well, I don’t know how to explain it, you’d just have to [see that movie, read that book, have a session with that intuitive or healer, take that class, etc].

Hammering this thing Ido into bullet points is a betrayal of the magic that bubbles up when I amwith my students and clients at these tender times of personal evolution. Lives are changing. Hearts are healing. Beautiful souls are discovering their purposes, pursuing their passions, and celebrating their truths. To infuse these divine messages with a strategic list of highly search-able keywords never seems to work, and the harder I try to do what the experts tell me Ihave to do, the harder I have to work to re-establish my credibility with my community.

The Wild Ones have their hearts open to truth. Their intuition speaks loud and clear. It tells them what is true and what is false. Gimmicks are lost on this world, and while on one hand that makes owning this business harder for me, the truth is… I wouldn’t have it any other way. You see, I have this intuition, too, and I know when the way I’m showing up in the world is being driven by fear. That’s when I pause, dig around in my own garden, find what’s ready to be released, and let it go.

So what about you, Wild One, are you feeling overwhelmed or lost or invisible, even though you know you were created for something extraordinary?

Remember, it doesn’t have to be this way. Yes, even when I’m having a day like today, I know that it is true. We have to apply what we know — reach out for support,apply sun to the darkest places in our minds, and take the action it takes to find our way back into the truth.

My personal and professional gardens are full of Wild Ones, people just like you and me, who are figuring out what it means to live in the new way. How do we believe that which we are passionate about, the call to action that is written on our bones, and our own self-worth? How do we love unconditionally without allowing people to take advantage of us? How do we teach, heal, empower, and support others without neglecting ourselves? Is it possible to “be the change” and still be true to ourselves — to have our needs met, our hearts full, and our bodies strong and healthy?

We are studying ourselves, learning about our strengths and challenges, our passions, and the purposes of our lives. We are doing “The Work” of accepting what we find, and learning to love ourselves. We are moving into alignment with our integrity, being the powerful creatures that we were created to be.

This is the essence of freedom, the freedom to be ourselves. Join the Wildflower Evolution, this movement of Wild Ones who refuse to be stuck in the old way for even one more day. Read the archiveshere at Care2, connect for a private session, or join the party… I mean, take a class.

If it’s not with me, that’s perfectly fine. Honestly, I have no need to pretend that I’m the only one doing this work. There are many, many opportunities that are crafted to meet you wherever you are at this time, both here at Seeds and Weeds Coaching and far beyond. Whatever it is, find what you need to take the next step on your personal evolution journey. Your life is waiting for you… and you’re worth it.

A better confession: Today sucked, but I reached out for help because, like you, I am worth it.


Dale Overall

Fascinating and intriguing. Finding a ray of sunshine in a deep dark abyss of the mind often helps to pull us out and upwards even if this means falling downwards many a times before eventually struggling in the climb to the light, scrabbling out of the abyss. The darkness within the abyss may claim us once again but there are ways to escape from the oppressive and joyless darkness.

One here feels that this is merely "self congratulatory" b.s. along with "self serving" but then many men practice those qualities daily.

For many others, there are many fascinating and gentle ways to cope with all aspects of our lives.

Abbe A.
Azaima A5 years ago


Fatima Ahmad
Fatima Ahmad5 years ago

Thank you for the article!

Fatima Ahmad
Fatima Ahmad5 years ago

Thanks for the article!

Marianne Barto
Marianne B5 years ago

I think it's harder being a woman. We think too much, have too many "projects" going on,loving, worrying,and of course, our emotions. It takes strength to do all this. Have a job, family, household chores, cook, cleaning, laundry, ironing. Gee, Fred L., do YOU do all this? or does a woman do it for you? You called the author an idiot and said to get a life. Did you ever change a diaper? take care of a sick loved one? Maybe you should look inward.....

Kirsten B.
Past Member 5 years ago

Thank you Christy.

I had a moment like that the day before yesterday. Suddenly the thought of walking a marathon in less than two weeks just felt too crazy, too hard, too daunting. The silent waiting to hear about publication status of my first novel is long and lonely. Motivation to finish my second novel plummeted. Self doubt crept in and took hold.

But then I shook it off. And my second novel is almost finished.

Everyone gets days like those, and the more you stray from the conventional path, the deeper they can pull you down. But then the stronger your faith in yourself can grow as you shake it back off.

Diane Piecara
Diane Piecara5 years ago

Thanks for sharing.

Fred L.
Fred L5 years ago

What a load of self-congratulatory, self-serving bullshit. Do something, anything, rather than looking inward all the time.

The unexamined life may not be worth living, but don't obsess about yourself. Get a life, idiot.

Kathy K.
Kathy K5 years ago

Hang in there, Christy!

Isabel A.
Isabel Araujo5 years ago

Thank you!