Learning To Forgive

The reason that people cannot forgive is that their anger has worn a deep groove in the mind, and like water seeking a downward slope, their minds find this groove so easily that new channels of feeling cannot be formed.

Learning to make a new groove for your feelings is the key. Once again, the steps arenít mystical. You can forgive anyone who has hurt you by taking the following actions:

Choose the intent to forgive, even though your feelings are still hurt. Have the intention to let new feelings come in. Encourage even the slightest hints of a new feeling. Experience the old hurt and anger, but always say, This isnít me, This is not what I want anymore. Keep challenging the old hurt with reasons why it should be replaced. Be patients and let yourself experience both the old and the new feelings until the old one begins to fade.

You will be working with yourself, privately but not alone. Unhappiness is solitary; healing is not. Healing is bigger than personality. When someone gets a cut, we donít say, Maybe his skin will heal, who knows? It all depends on the kind of person he is. Your skin heals independently of who you are.

Psychologically healing works exactly the same way. You donít have to be nice, good, smart, or deserving. Yet how many of us secretly believe that we should continue to suffer because we deserve to, or because we arenít nice enough, good enough, or smart enough to change?

The big difference between healing the skin and healing the mind is that you have to participate in the latter. But this difference is not a stumbling block once the healing gets under way. At the level of the soul there lies an entire healing mechanism every bit as effective as the bodyís immune system. If you have the intention to heal, you give new energy permission to come into you and clear away obstacles.

Adapted from: Peace Is the Way, by Deepak Chopra (Harmony Books, 2005).

345 comments

Richard A
Richard A10 months ago

Thank you for this article.

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Ruth S
Ruth S10 months ago

Thanks.

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Danuta W
Danuta Watola10 months ago

Thank you for sharing.

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Chrissie R
Chrissie R10 months ago

Thank you for posting.

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Cindy S
Cindy Smith10 months ago

thanks

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Sue H
Sue H10 months ago

Forgiving is good for the soul.

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Jonathan Harper
Jonathan Harper4 years ago

ty

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Anne Girolami
Anne Girolami4 years ago

I think people have trouble forgiving, because they have the wrong idea regarding forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. Forgiveness is not the same as pardoning or reconciling or condoning. It is not the same as justice.

If it’s none of that, then what is it? I like Randall O’Brien’s definition the best. He defines forgiveness as “the removal of barriers between persons caused by wrongdoing, real or imagined… as sins are sent away and persons are drawn together in relationships.”

Forgiving is a choice, and it’s your choice. You can forgive the past or not forgive the past. The act of forgiving is held within your control.

For example: Try as I may, my feelings are constantly hurt. I simply expect too much from my friends and family. When they don’t meet my expectations, I become frustrated, and my feelings are hurt. My emotions take over, and my hurt heart squashes my logical brain.

Let me tell you a story about myself… and in this story imagine "me and my friend" as being you and your friend... or even you and your own “past."

The story begins like this:

I had gone out of my way for a friend, and instead of being nice and thanking me, she snapped at me. Her comments put into question my integrity and honesty. She did this in front of a room full of people who — before this incident — had respected and admired me. Her actions ignored my kindness and generosity; s

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Judy Apelis
Judy A5 years ago

Thank you!

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Dani C.
Dani C5 years ago

Forgive and move on...

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