Letting Go of Toxic Expectations

Susan Spira shares how our pre-programmed expectations can affect our lives.

The personal power and courage to have the best life possible are all nicely wrapped up in our package called self. Knowing when to unwrap and use each tool is a constant source of growth. Our personal tool chests have lots of “gadgets” just perfect to help inspire us and capture our heart’s happiness.

We regularly use “gadgets” like love, acceptance, sharing, creativity, passion, humor, kindness, embracing change, and the ability to continue to learn as tools of choice for life’s jobs and journeys.

For many of us the most powerful key to our best life is simply to have an expectation of love and happiness. Think about it, you usually perform as you expect to perform. You usually gain or lose what you expect to gain or lose. It’s almost like you have a self-programmed expectation of achievement, and then, do your best to live up or live down to it.

Think back to your childhood. What were you programmed to believe about yourself? That you were handsome, pretty, smart, the best, a winner, someone who can do anything, troubled, a loser, never going to amount to anything, a poor student, an underachiever, an overachiever, a moron?

Many of us start our lives without a good self-image. We don’t believe in ourselves at an early age and buy into criticisms of toxic people around us. We are young and impressionable. We believe the adults around us to be our protectors and our experts on life. If they are negative, we become negative. If they suffer from low self-esteem, we suffer from lower self-esteem, and the cycle begins.

So much of our thinking is set at a young age and very few of us question what’s best for us personally as adults. It’s very hard to shake our initial brainwashing of youth. And when one questions, it is thought of as defiance against those who “love” you rather than a growing-up experience….Continue reading on InspireMeToday.com.

Susan is the author of The Happy Tips Book, One-Liners for Life, and three inspirational children’s books.

How to Love Yourself Deeply
Why You SHOULD Take the Plunge
Introducing InspireMeToday.com


Beverly G.
bev g4 years ago

my life is exactly as Susan is saying im sorry but it is. I had great expections of life as I grew up, we were very very very poor. living in two room in my grandads house, where they were forever argueing was not a happy household.. Its very victorian and the ways , that was the 40's and the 50's . when i was nearly 12 we were finally granted a council house, we were still poor,
i hated it, I hated scholl, i was bullied, cos i was a very quite timid child. I promised myself a better life as i got older and got to work..That started off okay.but in my midle 30's it all went horriblemy wrong. so now im back to how i was wheni was a child again Hardship.ill health. and im 58 now.

Veselin Varbanov
Veselin Varbanov4 years ago


Amandine S.
Past Member 4 years ago

Thanks for sharing.

Danuta Watola
Danuta W4 years ago

Thank you for the article.

Camilla Vaga
Camilla V4 years ago


Eternal Gardener
Eternal G4 years ago

Very true...

Kath P.
Kath P4 years ago

Constructing a story board is a great way to identify what it is that you want out of your life. If you find yourself smiling at it once done you know that the path you've outlined will make you happy.

Vicky P.
Vicky P4 years ago


Mark Botermuc
Mark p.muc4 years ago

ty ...

Summerannie Moon
Summerannie M4 years ago

Theresa I dont believe that for one moment. Its your belief that impinges on yourself. When you sit anywhere and just people watch you will quickly see how many different people there are in a relationship. Tall with short or short with tall, over weight and slim, not so good looking and no hair to whatever. Its not what you look like that attracts people, its how you love yourself, thats it! Warts and all and unconditionally and to take a look in the mirror daily and really look at yourself and tell yourself, even if you dont believe it, that you are loving and beautiful and in the end you will believe. Being 'nice' is also attractive not only for men but also for women too b/c if you give off vibes that arent ' nice' it repels people. Also a happy disposition. I know when I smile or put that smile on my face many people smile back and also people are drawn to people who look happy and approachable. When you feel negative in many areas the body sends out signals...dont come near me or i might not speak or I might bite your head off... or leave me alone... I have done what i say a heap of times and the wonderful unexpected happens where my day is made for meeting new and interesting people. Its worth working on. Good luck and very Best Wishes.