Life Sucks. Now What?

Haven’t we watched enough spy movies to know that living a double life is exhausting?

My Life-Answers daily forecast for today is this: Turn your attention to personal interests. An aspect of living which you have been ignoring needs to be renewed. Rise above an emotional state to see that the turns in your life constantly require changes in perspective from the knowledge you’ve gained. Only the negative leads a double life, pretending to be happy when in truth is not. Why pretend when you can have the real thing?

It struck me because just last night I spoke with Gena Kirby of Progressive Parenting about how so many women seem to be living a fractured existence. It was the first session of a very public, and incredibly personal, collaboration where Gena is taking my Sick of Being Stuck (SOBS) class, plus having a private session each week, with the entire experience broadcast live on her Blog Talk Radio show.

It is an incredibly bold move, being willing to give anyone and everyone access to her inner world in this way. She is doing it because she wants the women in her community to know that everybody has baggage that needs to be tended, and that it’s okay to get the support you need to heal.

We talked about the cause of the split between our thinking selves and our feeling selves. It is pain, the heartbreaks and fears of the past. As I’ve said before, every tear you never cried is waiting for you… and they are heavy. And I’m not talking about the horrible stories we can find on the evening news. Regular kid heartaches count, too.

It’s the kinds of trauma that, if we had everything we needed to process the experience, would have healed without leaving behind this untended baggage. But lots of us didn’t; the supports available today were not as accessible then. Most of the women I work with weren’t empowered to heal from those wounds back in the day, so recovery is a thing that comes later in life, when we realize that our reality has been altered by what happened in the past.

We wake up one day and realize that our true selves would never be in a relationship like this, or treat our bodies like this, or make a living like this. We have a certainty that reality, as it’s rushing about us every day, isn’t the life we were born to live. This chaos, this overwhelm, this anxiety isn’t true for us, and yet, we are living it every single day.

Our collaboration is about cultivating freedom: the freedom to live the beautiful, powerful, abundant life that is true for Gena. Her motivation is the same as every other woman who has taken a class, read a life-changing book, hired a therapist or life coach, or joined a gym. It’s about saying, “This reality isn’t the life I was created for. I want my healthy body, creative spirit, and inquisitive mind. I want work that is meaningful. I want my days filled with people and activities that I feel passionate about. I want to be living my life.”

Once we realize we aren’t there, that this isn’t how we wanted life to be, we need to make changes to cultivate a different result. Sometimes they are huge, life-altering changes but not always. Most of the time, it’s a bunch of little shifts created over time as new information and new opportunities present themselves to us.

The key, of course, is having the courage to say yes to the invitations when they come. Otherwise, we have to wait until it makes a second, third, or fourth pass. In my world, those invitations seem to gain momentum with each trip back into my experience. Now, I try to listen for the whispers because a brick-to-the-back-of-the-head approach the fourth time around really sucks.

The challenge is saying yes to the investment in self. And yes, that part can seem so hard. It costs money to join a gym, time to learn a new way of eating, and energy to pursue your passions. And those are resources that work, children, and partners usually occupy. Often, when we’re living this splintered experience, we feel that we cannot afford to invest the dollars in our new way of being. We think we don’t have the time to add personal evolution to our agenda. And energy… well, that may be the hardest one of all.

The class Gena is taking has a daily reading and a challenge, plus one group call once each week. The daily challenge is relatively simple, like releasing 27 items that no longer serve you from your bedroom closet. And even in a class like this, one that is specifically designed for people who already feel overwhelmed, it’s easy to think you can’t handle adding something new to the daily mix. I get that. Honestly, I do. But, and certainly you can see this coming, what other option do we have here?

If the action we’ve been taking results in this reality, aren’t we going to have to take different action if we want a different result?

We know what Gena and the rest of my people want, but what do you want? What is going on in your world that sucks? Why are you here reading all of these articles about how to change your life? Is there a change you’re ready to make? What are you going to do about it? What are the actions you can take today, tomorrow, and the next day that will result in the freedom you desire? Are you ready to commit? Put it in the comments below, or you can email me through my website below.

You can do this. Yes, I’m sure.




Life S.
Life S.5 years ago

i think i totally feel my self and why i am in this depression but i just dont get why the heck does my life sucks due to this problemo of me being evicted from my boys hostel in college. like these guys always hated my parties and were never able to study. :(

Heidi R.
Past Member 5 years ago

I love this article. After many, many hours of listening to Esther Hicks I find this sort of thinking is wonderful. Start with small changes, small deliberate acts of creation and see how your spirit will soar. Thank you so much for your writings.

Marianne Barto
Marianne B5 years ago

I think the real problem is that we use our emotions too much, and not take the time to figure out what the real problem is.

Harsha Vardhana R
Harsha Vardhana5 years ago

Heidi, just a simple clue for you. Just check the amount of gratitude in your thoughts/feelings. The more you feel thankful, the more good things you shall attract.

It is my personal experience that all other trainings and skills without gratitude are shallow and temporary.

You can check the book, "The magic". it is a great workbook to practice gratitude

Mary B.
Mary B5 years ago

Hiedi, just a bit of help for you. Like attracts like applys to the belief you're living, as well as your behavior with in the belief. Your belief [experience] is that people equate kindness with weakness and take advantage of your goodness by never recipricating in the way you had hoped. Your experience is mirroring that belief, and who knows where you picked it up from. So the only like that's attracting like in that case is you get more of the same bad treatment because you're still focused on it and trying to understand why. Go the other way immediately! Look for people who ARE capable of appreciateing your kindness and help. They feel very different than the vampires and you will quickly learn to tell the difference. There is no reason to let yourself be abused. But the key is to look for the experiences that do make you feel good and let like attract like from that focus. Blessings. I hope this helps.

Duane B.
.5 years ago

Thank you for sharing.

Heidi Sanchez
Heidi Sanchez5 years ago

Sounds easy,Andrew, but I try & the results are not always so black & white. I have definitely
tried to acknowledge my faults & change them. But as far as treating people with sympathy, whether I expect similar treatment towards me or am just doing it out of the kindness of my own heart, to help another, I find most people associate kindness with weakness & see an opening to take more from me & do not reciprocate with proper treatment towards me. I don't mind helping
others with out expecting anything in return, but most don't don't learn, & just expect more. I'm getting tired from this vampire type of behavior , & I do mind being taken advantage of, & taken
for all they can manage to get, thanklessly. Your like Attracts like is a good theory, but as I said
people expect more, & seem not to learn anything. What to do?
reread your words,I wish they were true for me

Gwynethrose F.
Gwynethrose F5 years ago

Thank you for the insightful article...I myself am making many changes to have MY life back.

Rebecca S.
Rebecca S5 years ago


Kirsten B.
Past Member 5 years ago

Yet another inspirational piece. Thank you Christy.

Taking the challenges in September put me on a new track. There's still lots to do and momentum wanes all too often, but each time it is easier to get back up and get moving and the gaps in between become shorter and less encompassing.

I decided I needed a radical change in some areas of my life and signed up to do a power walking marathon (by night, in a decorated bra). The date is rapidly approaching. In September a 10 km stroll was a big deal. Last week I covered 40 km in under 7 hours. Dropping some excess fat has been a lovely side effect. I'm down about half a clothing size. It's motivated me to take a little bit more care and drop the other half size too by the end of the year.

I finished writing my debut novel and it is being evaluated by my agent. My second novel is rapidly approaching the half way point. And it took me over 2 years to write the first 11,000 words of the first novel! So we're looking at about 100,000 words on 2 novels in 7 months.

I've loosened up a lot, got rid of a lot of the tenseness, started harvesting all the wonderful moments of each day and each week and multiplying their occurance as each month passes. I'm finding that at least half of each day is full of 'good' things now, rather than just fleeting moments.

And I'm keeping on top of our place, normally. Getting rid of the clutter is still going very slowly, but progress is being made. I used to use my regular house moves to