Low Self-Esteem is Your Ego’s Best Buddy

The Dalai Lama met with a group of western psychotherapists. He asked them what was the most prevalent issue that they encountered in their clients. They unanimously replied that it was low self-esteem.

Apparently the Dalai Lama hadn’t heard of such a problem. He said that in the Tibetan culture children are not raised to have self-esteem as a problem. How different it is in the west!

We spend our whole lives living with ourselves; it is the longest and most intimate of all our relationships. So isn’t it obvious that we should be loving ourselves?

Yet we dislike ourselves so easily and are constantly finding fault. We’re beset with doubts: if I say the wrong thing will people laugh at me? Am I good enough? How can anyone like me? What am I doing with my life? Why can’t I do anything right?

As soon as that negative voice in our heads says: “You’re no good, you’re worthless,” and we believe it, then Gotcha! As long as that voice rules, we lose.

It seems absurd that we should dislike the one person we spend our life with. We have the opportunity for the most sustaining love affair of all and instead we criticize and invalidate, dismissing ourselves and our needs as unimportant.

But all is not lost! There is no one more deserving of love than ourselves, and in every moment we have the opportunity to understand this.

As it is the nature of the ego to keep us thinking we are hopeless, so it is our job to be constantly aware of its mind-games. When we do this we get to feel at home within ourselves, to feel comfortable in our own skin.

In times of stillness we create a space where low self-esteem, self-doubt, fear, mistrust, or any other emotion may come, be seen, and pass through. Whatever arises is just thoughts, and we have the intelligence, discrimination, and skillful means to see it for what it is.

As Zen master Shunryu Suzuki said:

Leave your front door
and your back door open.
Allow your thoughts
to come and go.

Just don’t serve them tea.

If we struggle or deny anything then it will haunt us wherever we go; if we hold on, then it is the ego holding onto the need for recognition. When we witness without denial or attachment, then self-doubt has no power and can no longer affects us.

Making friends with our own minds shows us that beneath even the darkest difficulty is the happiness of our true nature. What a relief!

******

Ed & Deb are the authors of many books. Deb is the author of award-winning Your Body Speaks Your Mind, now in 21 languages. They have three meditation CDs. See more at EdandDebShapiro.com

88 comments

Dennis Hall
Dennis H2 years ago

Thank you!

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Crystal G.
Crystal G2 years ago

As children and adults, we are always told we are not good enough. By our peers, strangers and by the media. This is a reason why we're not happy.

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Jim Ven
Jim Ven2 years ago

thanks for the article.

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Siyus Copetallus
Siyus Copetallus2 years ago

Thank you for sharing.

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Danuta Watola
Danuta Watola2 years ago

Thank you for sharing.

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Past Member
Past Member 2 years ago

Hello every body my name is Synder Anderson I just want to share my experience with the world on how Lord Alika help me, I got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 3 years with 1 kid and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and argued almost e very time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me because I love him so much and don’t want to lose him but everything just didn’t work out… he moved out of the house because it was a rented apartment and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly because I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used his power… Within 4 days my husband called me and he said he was sorry for all the emotional pains he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily and our kid is happy too and we are expecting our second child… and my Husband also got a new job and our lives became much better web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http I have int

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Darla R.
Darla R2 years ago

thanks

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Fi T.
Past Member 2 years ago

Never lose the power to keep moving

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Jim Ven
Jim Ven2 years ago

thanks for the article.

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Ricky T.
Ricky T2 years ago

Thank you. When in solitude, you grab what little you have around you, and they become your soulmate...or cellmate.

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