The Root of Life

Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn to reverence life until we know how to understand sex. –Henry Ellis

Appreciating the joys of living in a body of flesh and blood literally begins with the euphoric recognition of what it is to be a sexual being. From the tiniest of sensations on the skin to the perfectly placed nerve endings in our most erogenous zones, we are bodies molecularly designed to experience profound pleasure, deep connection and the ability to procreate all within the same remarkable, mysterious, life-changing act.

For me, one of the most mysterious and gratifying parts of being sexual is how it allows me to leave the boundaries of the normal day behind. I am not sure where the sexy woman in me hides out in all the endless chores of tending to home and family; I can tell you that she is not the woman who is coordinating the kids schedules, planning the meals, driving in circles between schools and sports or even the woman who keeps Good Clean Love going everyday. Often I have to dig deep to find that crazy sexy part of me, but I keep the door always open for her because it is the only time in this predictable life of mine when I never know what will happen next.

In the world we live in today opening the gate for the sexual can mean wild “swinging” interludes, wide-ranging pornographic video tours, sexuality cruises (yes, there are), or studying sexuality techniques in certified week-long seminars. Probably the most fascinating part of my work with Good Clean Love is being introduced to the unexpected range of what we humans create and participate in to stimulate the sexual. Truly it goes beyond imagination. Case in point, I once met a very tall man named Morpheus, who was the planner for a 2-day sexual event in the Convention Center in New Jersey. We were at a 70′s theme party at the AASECT convention and as he was explaining how the event was organized–in visual or participatory rooms–he was picking up all the Pop Rocks candy in the room. I eyed him, and he said, “You know where these will really rock you?” Truly, it had never occurred to me before that moment.

For me, all I have to do is open up the flood gates of my imagination and add a little about what I have learned about sex throughout history. Intimacy and orgasm provides a fluid identity that lets me slide through historical periods and questionable couplings with ease and without question. I rarely leave my bedroom and I am always with the same man, but when I let myself go on the crazy ride through my sexual mind, I tap into passionate experiences and outrageous relationships that would certainly otherwise shock or shame me. What I have come to realize as I have become more and more accepting of my own fantasy world is that the roles of domination and submission that define adult content exist in all of us, and giving your relationship an opportunity to experience them, even if they are never uttered aloud, can dislodge the day-to-day constraints of conjugal life quickly and completely.

Having the freedom to be your sexual self and delve into the crazy fantasies that live far outside the margins of our day-to-day life takes a visceral sense of safety with yourself and your relationship. The bigger the leap, the greater the risk, but if you take no leap–then don’t expect to see fireworks. Passionate fantastical sex is inseparable from the risk and mystery that creates it. This is why the illicit affair is always so steamy, the sex might not even be that good, but add a dose of the forbidden and suddenly it is full of flame.

Allowing risk into your sex life is prerequisite for the surprising and shocking sex that makes sex–sexy. So don’t go into the deep end if you don’t know how to swim. But definitely start wading in, the water is fine.

Wendy Strgar is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love and family. Wendy helps couples tackle the questions and concerns of intimacy and relationships, providing honest answers and innovative advice. As her online presence continues to grow, Wendy has become a trusted and respected source of information on lasting and healthy relationships. ďI feel like I am inventing a language to give intimacy back to the people, take the fear away and open a space for physical love to serve as the glue that holds relationships together.” Wendy lives in Eugene, Oregon with her husband, a psychiatrist, and their four children ages 11-20.


Debrah Roemisch
Debrah R8 years ago

"Allowing risk into your sex life is prerequisite for the surprising and shocking sex that makes sex–sexy' I have to say that I disagree with this statement--I have found that the best sex my life is with my present husband--we have been together for 10 years now. I was in several relationships before including being married and sex was never like it is now (even though I am older and through menopause)--because we have total trust and respect and equality between us--no sense of risk there! I believe a sense of humour is probably the most important part of good sex! Second most important is to enjoy sensuality--which in the past I found very few men really enjoyed --as if intercourse were the only "real" sex. Massage, stroking, cuddles, tickling, playing, being silly with someone you love and trust completely are far better than risky fantasy for having great sex! Also to the conservative types out there--marriage itself is not the answer--my former marriage was to an abusive, self centered man --I did not feel safe with him and our sex life went down the drain very soon --finally got the courage to divorce him. I lived with my present husband for many years before marriage--that is just a piece of paper for legal protections for us--the commitment is in our hearts and spirits.
BTW,I am not saying fantasy is bad--just that it needs to include both partners for really hot sex!

Ken G.
Ken G8 years ago

Dwight, 20 years and two days before my ex-wife died of lung cancer our youngest of 2 daughters committed suicide so as a male filling the role of a father and husband that made a failure of me. I've been single for almost thirty years and have accepted that's the way I'll be when I die. That not having trust for one another added to my daughter's death cause we weren't a team raising her plus instead of strength on my part in forming my relationship with her mother I enabled the control and manipulation even though it wasn't intentional on my part. Even though others find my thinking wrong I just got to see sex as a deterrent from earning trust and respect. As I got older looks aren't the same attraction as when younger along with the majority of us are products of failed relationships so I just got to the point of not wanting to place hope in what our society has established for relationships. I got to the point that I made enough mess of my life already so my goal is to live the rest of it without getting into any more of these messes.
I just glad the good book said one man and one woman cause at least that part of my life is over with anyways.
As far as sex goes I did find that when the females went for their fantasies in sex they always bought more excitement into it that I did not feel capable of. So I related to that when I read the article. I just lost it with putting the effort into getting along with those I was sexual with.

Dwight Baker
Past Member 8 years ago


I was married for 35 years and then was betrayed for the last time, and that brought about the end. FOR GOOD.

It was not all bad, we had three good sons that have faired well in life, and we have been and will continue to be role models best as we can.

However as you stated when trust honor and faith in one another departs not much else to do than just leave.

My current wife and I was drawn together out of real needs and those real needs still exist without the ties and lies that seem to come natural when games are allowed to be played. We co-exist with out interdependent needs that only place on one another un-doable negatives, and clearly un-earnable rights to assent.

Thus is the law of the tribe where we live, plain and simple respect for and admiration for each other with out lies. That often time are used to hypnotize our mate and put them in a state and keep them suspended in wonder.

Ken G.
Ken G8 years ago

Joyce I'm seventy-one and had been married for twenty-one years. She was the best sex I've had in my life but we had absolutely no trust between us so she did everything on her own. All I could do is protect and defend myself. After 21 years I divorced and at a much later date she died of lung cancer. I did date which also was based on sex. Then I seen a couple specials on successful marriages. Both said they were married to best friends plus they gave up control. So for me I seen sex used to control and that became my turn off.
I have daughter I was talking to once about a woman I was involved with. I told her she just wanted to get married again and I bought into the sex. My daughter responded with seems like I've done that a time or two.
Martin, I'm not into love but sold on trust and respect which I believe we earn from one another. One marriage without that was enough for me. I would not accept being involved with anybody without trust and respect in my future and that includes myself. I had to earn my own trust and respect too.
As usual Wendy writes some subjects worth discussing. Thanks again for sharing these with us.

Mary Roberts
Mary Roberts8 years ago

(The Root of Life)Very Good Wendy,

Michelle T.
Michelle T8 years ago

It's Saturday night and I got some sinnin' to do, after I go worship at the House of the Holy Hypocrite.

martin w.
martin w8 years ago

Ken I used to place faith in a mutual respect and love. I've never felt one person should control the other. However in my experience the woman is always in control of the initiation. The problem is knowing if they have the same intent as you. I like to give the benefit of doubt but sooner or later that trust is always broken. I don't think we have evolved any further than animals really it's still about the provider whether it's in strength or finance. I feel now that love is just an illusion that can work if both parties are under that illusion but I guess friendship, stability and strong finance and trust are the ingredients for a lasting relationship.

Dwight Baker
Past Member 8 years ago

Windy and others that is human on this site at this time

I think we can bet our bottom dollar that Michelle and Tobi just took their leave

I assume they had too disappear back into CYBERSPACE as a troll who just got erased from all CARE2 memory.

Who could and would want to take CARE2 down?

I have some good ideas.

Dwight Baker
Past Member 8 years ago


Seems the big hardware at CARE2 without being human just made human choices of what to do next!

How could that be?

Just maybe some trolls has taken resident in the BIG CARE2 MAIN FRAME with many different names

So as a steward for the TRUTH to survive amongst all the lies

Now is the time to contact the President

Or how else would he know where to look for the imbedded hostile forces against CARE2

Dwight Baker
Past Member 8 years ago

Dear Windy what say you about this?

Michelle and Tobi, Your personal pages reflects that you have been on CARE2 since its infancy,

Yet there are no tracks of others,

No green stars!

Never signed a Petition,

Maybe you been in a coma for a long time like light years?

Few friends if any, no words or works showing that you existed,

No pictures of the home crowd no posting by friends

That you have been around, so what should I think?

Maybe TROLLS looking for more bait, to cause a stink?

My God Forbids Trolls!