The Yin & Yang Of Achievement

Part 1Part 2Part 3 and Part 4 of this blog series about being less sperm, more egg led many of you to send me private emails asking me to address how to find the right balance of being “spermy” – striving, pushing, applying disciplined action – and being “eggy” – attracting, receiving, allowing opportunities to come to you. So by special request, this blog is for you.

It’s definitely possible to be too “eggy.” I know many people who are fans of the law of attraction and believe that if they just put their desire out there, the Universe will serve up whatever they desire on a silver platter. One of my clients went to school to become a life coach, then she placed her order with the Universe – “Please send the perfect clients my way.”

But nobody showed up. And she was baffled. When she asked for my guidance, I said, “Well, it might help those perfect clients find you if you registered a URL, set up a website, sent out an email announcing your services to everyone you know, and then posted it on social media.” Doing these things falls into the “spermy” category, and she resisted, trusting that clients would just come her way. But they didn’t. When she finally applied these spermy actions, she was flooded with clients.

Most Of Us Are Too Spermy

The unbalanced eggy types are a rare breed, though you might know some of them. Much more common are those of us who are out of balance in our spermy approach to life. We’ve been brainwashed to think being spermy is the only way to succeed, that being eggy is just being lazy, so we’ve overcompensated for our fear of laziness by overworking, over-striving, over-achieving. Yet this puts you at risk of not only exhaustion, illness, and failed relationships, but also of mistakenly thinking your value lies in your achievement, when in fact, it’s okay to stop striving – you’re already enough.

How Much Sperm, How Much Egg?

In the comments of the other posts in this series, several of you have asked how to figure out when to be spermy and when to be eggy. Obviously, when you’re a visionary on a mission to achieve a goal, there’s work to be done. Had I tried to be all egg, all the time, I’d have never made it through medical school and residency. But as Dr. Christiane Northrup told me when she encouraged me to be less sperm, more egg, what was once adaptive (being spermy) can become our downfall if we don’t learn to be eggy.

What’s the right balance? How do you know when you’re being too spermy vs. too eggy?

10 Signs You’re Being Too Spermy

  1. Your work drains you, rather than fulfilling you.
  2. You feel like you’re pushing uphill and nothing flows.
  3. When you do succeed, you feel like you worked your ass off to make it happen.
  4. You fail to savor your successes along the way, focusing instead on what you have yet to achieve.
  5. You’re more motivated by pleasing other people than by pleasing yourself.
  6. You’ve lost faith in magic.
  7. Your life is fun-deficient.
  8. You’re over-scheduled but underpaid.
  9. Doors keep getting closed in your face.
  10. You never smack your “That Was Easy” button. Ever.

While being too spermy will deplete you and interfere with the Universe’s ability to make magic happen for you, it’s also possible to be too eggy.

10 Signs You’re Being Too Eggy

  1. You’ve put your desires out there to the Universe – and now you’re waiting – but nothing is happening.
  2. You know what needs to be done, but you keep procrastinating.
  3. You’re not clear on what you desire.
  4. You resist even the simplest of tasks, preferring instead to wait for Signs from the Universe and let the Universe deliver.
  5. Year after year, you set the same professional goals – but they have yet to come to fruition.
  6. You get annoyed when anyone tells you to “Just do it.”
  7. You suspect that trusting divine timing has become a form of self-sabotage.
  8. You resist action, even when you strongly desire what such action might bring.
  9. You tell yourself that if it’s meant to be, it’ll always be easy.
  10. You refuse to leave your comfort zone.

The Balance Of Egg & Sperm

So how can we find the right balance? What metrics can you use to determine whether you’re leaning too much one way or the other?

As always, start first by tapping into the wisdom of your Inner Pilot Light.  Then listen to what your body is telling you and do a gut check. And finally, check your Joy Meter. Are you having fun? Do you feel good?

One reader said, “I want to write a book, but I also want to live a more eggy life. But there’s so much work to do. How can I be eggy when there’s so much spermy work to do?”

I think the secret is trusting that it’s safe to follow your joy and peace. Many of us have this limiting belief that, in order to succeed, we must work our asses off – trading dollars for hours and slaving away – until we’re depleted. (I had the same limiting belief until I did a somatic therapy session with Steve Sisgold that left me committed to filling myself first so I can change the world).

Getting Something Done

When I’m writing a book or trying to accomplish a project I’m passionate about, I try to follow my joy. Yes, I have deadlines sometimes. At one point during the edits for Mind Over Medicine, I had only two weeks to completely rewrite half the book. But I was so passionate about the book – and it was such the right thing to do to rewrite the end of the book – that my excitement fueled me without depleting me.

So yes, you have to sit down at your computer and put your fingers on the keys. But writing doesn’t feel like a grind most of the time. I love writing, so I get all tingly when it’s time to write my books and blog posts. I can sit at my computer and get eggy and much of the time, it’s almost as if my book writes itself. Literally, sometimes I feel like I’m taking dictation from God. It’s so easy – and so fun – and I feel so in the flow – that I know I’m aligned with the highest good as I write.

But then the tedious stuff shows up – the third round of edits, writing the copy for the back of the book, writing “hooks” for my book so my publicist can pitch it to national TV shows, and it’s harder to tap into my juice around writing. When this happens, I tend to get a bit spermy. Just do it. Make it happen. Put my ass in the chair and pound at it because it matters, and it’s worth it, and I’m so passionate about my message of self-healing that I’ll do what it takes, even when it doesn’t always feel “fun.”

Eggy + Spermy = Perfect

There’s a fine balance, I think. You have to be a little spermy – and it’s crucial to be a little eggy. We each have to figure out this perfect balance on an individual basis.

But what do I know? As a recovering spermy workaholic, I’m still figuring all this stuff out. There’s so much wisdom in this community. Tell me – what do YOU think? Leave your thoughts in the comments. And please feel free to share this blog series with anyone in your life who might be seeking spermy/eggy balance.

Egging you on,




Shanti S.
S S4 years ago

Thank you.

Day R.
Day R4 years ago

Interesting... thank you!!

J.L. A.
JL A5 years ago

nice way to illustrate the balance needed

Valerie R.
Valerie R5 years ago

I live a very eggy life. I basically wait for signs from the universe to do anything. And - mostly - this works very well for me. I put in the work when it feels like the right time. I love the slow but steady pace, because if change happens too quickly, I usually freak out. However, there are some parts of my life I've been waiting on forever. Finding my soulmate being the key one. The suggestions I get from people aren't me at all. I don't want to go out to bars and such, which is just about the only place people around here go. I've also tried dating sites. One site, rejected me, and on the other, I didn't find anyone who sounded anywhere near like the right person for me. Nor were they looking for anyone like me. I know I should do something, but I honestly don't know what. I just don't know how to meet someone like me or if that person even exists. I've always felt comepletely weird and alone, and time hasn't changed that.

Michael Wecke
Michael Wecke5 years ago

Visualization does work - I tested it with real life results. The question we should sometimes ask ourselves (with C. S. Lewis), when our desires / wishes / visualizations do not come to fruition is to which category people we belong: Are we of the kind that says to God "Thy will be done" or do we belong to the kind to whom God says "All right then, have it your way"! Temper, if you will, any visualization with the thought “I have this...or better" - thereby allowing God / the Universe to give to you what might be better for you in the long run. My Alpha Thinking teacher always ended his visualisations with “let go, let God". I repeat, creative visualisations do cause materialisation, but again “be careful what you wish for, you might get it”!

Michael Maday
Michael Maday5 years ago

This is by "popular demand"? Here's my honest appraisal: Please lose this creepy "spermy" and "eggy" approach! Please.

Richard T.
Richard T5 years ago


Mary B.
Mary B5 years ago

This may be what I've been calling 'paceing myself'. I set my intention to get a certain thing done, then get up and start doing anything that is right around me that needs doing, some times that leads naturally to getting to the stated intent, and other times, it turns out to be clearing work so I can focus unhampered on the stated intent with out having my energy drawn off to other things that have been on the back burner. I rest when I need to, eat when hungry, and if an impulse comes that seems totally unrelated, I pay attention because it usually turns out to get me out somewhere where something will happen that fits with the original intent.In this way, every day becomes a happy mundane journey and I watch things unfold as I get things done. It feels effortless.

Debbie Williamson
Solitary Eagle5 years ago

Thank you.

Jules W.
Jules W5 years ago

Interesting , thanks,