Where’s That Sexy Feeling?

My partner and I have always been well matched sexually and even after years together we still enjoy an expanding intimate connection. The problem is I donít know where my sexy went. My partner isnít complaining, but it is hard for me to find the mood when I feel like I have no sex appeal. Do you have any advice about how to find my mojo?

Feeling sexy is one of the most highly coveted forms of self-confidence that we can experience.† So desired is the feeling of being desirable, most major advertising uses this motivation to sell us everything from toothpaste to soft drinks to cars. And yet acquiring the products has little correlation to that spark that ignites in us when we are feeling ourselves, being ourselves and have full confidence in our sex appeal.

Remember the times when you were crossing the street in your pajamas to get the paper and just strutted with the arousal you knew you were exuding? Or at other times, when you are sweaty and† have messy hair after a workout class but still† stride home immersed in your own attraction.†† Compare this to the times when we spend hours perfecting our makeup, straightening or curling the hair, taking the tags off of a ridiculously expensive dress, but sexy is hiding.† The self-conscious has taken over.

Lacking sexual self-confidence is one of the biggest libido killers and surprisingly affects both men and women. Many studies name insecurity about body image, weight or general appearance as one of the top distractions in our ability to enjoy sex. For even more people it is these same insecurities that step between them and the confidence that allows us to explore and exude our sex appeal.

Feeling sexy is different than feeling horny or lusty. It is the difference between savoring fine foods and eating ravenously. Sexiness can sneak up on you and also mysteriously slip away. Catching a glimpse of oneself on the way out the door and then an hour later at the mall often bears no resemblance to each other. Feeling sexy comes from a state of mind, which is linked to the idea of sex, but not necessarily tied to the need to have it.

The elusive feeling of sexy derives from the ease of being oneself.† It is more often reflected in our posture or tone of voice than in our cleavage, skirt length or pant waist.† It is as universal as our sexual identity can get; as it impacts and informs both genders and all sexual orientations. Despite our youth obsessed images, it generally transcends age. Feeling sexy is fundamentally about owning ourselves.† It is the magical comfort of being at home in ourselves that turns ordinary moments into what is most sexy- full presence.

Invite sexiness in to your life and your partnership by finding ways to befriend yourself.†† Give up gazing in unfamiliar mirrors and find places and people who reflect the best part of yourself.†† Sexiness is there living in all of us, it just might not look like an advertisement or come dancing out in high heels.

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Ro H.
Ro H4 years ago


Aud Nordby
Aud nordby4 years ago


Lily M.
Lily M6 years ago

nice article

Chardelle Simpson

good article, great comments...

Eternal Gardener
Eternal Gardener7 years ago

What sexy feeling?

Jewels S.
Jewels S7 years ago

I do think our society tells us we should be something in regards to this. In reality life has ebbs and flows. I am a late bloomer myself. Didn't start really getting my mojo until 30's. Also find that when I am low on Vit D have low libido. Don't worry what is normal just have fun.

Past Member 7 years ago

if you want to feel sexy and you don't...this might help...take a really nice hot bubble bath...apply creamy lotions when you get out and add your best perfume...then be sure to put on either pure silk or pure satin lingerie...have some very nice sparkling champagne chilling...and enjoy....light a fireplace if you have it....and use lots of candles...if you want to feel sexy...because work and kids sometimes interfere and sap our energy....you might have to work at it a little...and this usually works....and this has nothing to do with love and sex...this is about how you feel about yourself....

Walter G.
Walter G7 years ago

Sort of like a libido-based frontal lobotomy, isn't it? I have a friend complaining about much the same thing, it hit him right after his 92nd birthday party.

Barbara Erdman
Barbara Erdman7 years ago

Thanx for article

Mark H.
Mark H7 years ago

I've noticed that after meditation, in calmness, peace, and the inner strength it enhances, I get the looks and smiles, from my wife, as well. I get suprised, as I'm not thinking "sexy" at all, just a calm bliss.