Your Truth IS Your Spirituality

by Tina Rayner, Contributor to PsyhoSpiritual on

When I was 11, without any adult influence, I began my search for spirituality. While the rest of my family slept in on Sunday mornings, I decided that I “should” get up early to watch religious programs on TV. I felt extremely guilty when I would always fall asleep during the programs. As I continued my search, I spent 15 years attending a very strict religion, majored in Theology in college, left the church riddled with guilt for leaving it, became anti-western religion, studied Buddhism, became interested in metaphysics, read countless books on anything related to spirituality, attended numerous seminars, wrote poetry full of angst, and asked many questions of the coaches I hired, or the people I sought out for answers.

Ironically, over this 27-year period of growing my exposure to the spirituality I found outside of myself, I was stunting the growth of my exposure to the inside of myself. I became a master liar, ruled by fear. For fear of being labeled a freak, I didn’t tell anyone at school that my church was why I didn’t play basketball on Friday nights. For fear of upsetting my parents, I didn’t tell them how angry I was about their divorce, or how I directed my anger at my stepparents and stuffed the leftovers into my new ulcer. For fear of being kicked out of the church, I spent the last four years in it silently tortured by guilt, shame, confusion and non-acceptance of my “sinful” feelings for a woman. For fear of losing love, it took 12 years to tell my friends and family the truth about my sexuality. Three years ago, when every aspect of my life had hit rock bottom, I realized I had been ironically searching for truth in spirituality, while shirking my truth. I did this to make sure everyone else around me was ok, thinking that by doing this, I’d be ok. However, I was not ok. I was a ghost in my own “LIE-f.”

“Lying is a part of our everyday lives”, according to Bella DePaulo, a researcher at the University of California and adult lying expert from the University of Santa Barbara. Her work shows that we are likely to lie several times a day, or in one out of every four conversations that lasts more than 10 minutes. “Most of our lies are the little white lies we tell others, to make ourselves look better, or to spare others’ feelings.”

Because our parents taught us things like, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all,” children learn to lie early on. According to Dr. Victoria Talwar, Assistant Professor at McGill University and expert on kids’ lying behaviors, “Bright kids begin lying at two-three years old as lying is related to intelligence. A child must be able to recognize the truth and the consequences of telling the truth in order to make the decision to lie. By age four, almost all children have begun to lie. In fact, a four-year-old lies once every two hours. A six-year-old lies once every 1˝ hours. The truth is something they grow out of and lying, something they grow into.”

On occasion, I still feel fear when exposing my truth and as noted above, I am not alone. However, as a, “Course In Miracles” states, “God is not the author of fear.You are.” Ironically, fear is an “ill-LOSE-ion” we alone have chosen to create! But, we can choose love instead, which is its opposite. In Marianne Williamson’s 1992 book, “A Return To Love”, she states on page xxii, “Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we have learned here. The spiritual journey is the relinquishment – or unlearning – of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts…”

It is time to realize that the truth and therefore love, is something we must all re-learn how to grow into and lying and therefore fear, to grow out of. Love and truth is the spirituality we seek, and it is the spirituality I have finally found.


Jane Barton
Jane Barton5 years ago

I disagree that children lie naturally. Children are natural truth tellers, I know I was. Children are "taught" to lie by the very religious cults that rule our society. Religions teach that the human body and all bodily functions are filthy and sinful and gays are an "abomination". Everything to do with sex is a "filthy, lustful sin". Religions are the "cause" of everybody living in fear, guilt and shame. And religions are the "cause" of lying. The celibacy rule in the Catholic church is the "cause" of pedophilia for 2,000 years. The denial of natural human body functions and calling masturbation a "sin" is mental abuse and an atrocity.
Religions have caused not only bloody wars, horrible women and child abuse but also the
horrendous, life destroying mental abuse that the author describes. All draconian religious regimes should be abolished. Sex is NOT a sin, bodily functions are NOT sins. All this mythology was made up 2,000 years ago and does not apply to our lives in 2012. Everybody has been brainwashed by this crap for too long. Let go of it.

Sandy Erickson
Sandy Erickson5 years ago

Is truth personal? Really?

Rosie Lopez
Rosie Lopez5 years ago

thank u

Teresa Wlosowicz
Teresa W5 years ago

So-called 'love' is nothing but a euphemism for sex.

Teresa Wlosowicz
Teresa W5 years ago

Love doesn't exist.

Alicia N.
Alicia N6 years ago


Danuta Watola
Danuta W6 years ago

Thank you for sharing.

Bonnie M.
Bonnie M6 years ago

We tend to complicate what truth is... to me, it is a matter of caring and sharing genuinely, knowing how to share real love, not the hypocritical or manipulative kind, knowing that at the end of the day, you are grateful for the blessings, including the pain that you must let go. Truth is personal, not the dogmatic one that is preached ever so widely and truly misinterpreted. Not to digress, you are not alone in feeling disilluisoned with the religion you are raised with. I maintain that there is always something to learn from another -like buddhism. Kudos to you for finding your truth and spirituality.

Roxana C.
Roxana Cortijo6 years ago


Magdalena K.
Past Member 6 years ago

interesting reading