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Scientists- Earth Endangered By New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans

Offbeat  (tags: humor, humans, society, unusual )

- 29 days ago -
INNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)-Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.


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Wilde T (10)
Sunday June 16, 2019, 12:30 pm
It is a little known fact that facts are little known! A high security clearance is required for each specific fact because fact are dangerous to our health and welfare. This resistant strain of humans has been part of a 2000 year breeding project.

David C (75)
Sunday June 16, 2019, 12:33 pm
sadly so true

David C (75)
Sunday June 16, 2019, 12:35 pm
ha, ha, ha, ha!!!

MmAway M (520)
Sunday June 16, 2019, 1:00 pm
"MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)—Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.

The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at a loss as to how to combat them.

“These humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information,” Davis Logsdon, one of the scientists who contributed to the study, said. “And yet, somehow, they have developed defenses that, for all intents and purposes, have rendered those faculties totally inactive.”

More worryingly, Logsdon said, “As facts have multiplied, their defenses against those facts have only grown more powerful.”

While scientists have no clear understanding of the mechanisms that prevent the fact-resistant humans from absorbing data, they theorize that the strain may have developed the ability to intercept and discard information en route from the auditory nerve to the brain. “The normal functions of human consciousness have been completely nullified,” Logsdon said.

While reaffirming the gloomy assessments of the study, Logsdon held out hope that the threat of fact-resistant humans could be mitigated in the future. “Our research is very preliminary, but it’s possible that they will become more receptive to facts once they are in an environment without food, water, or oxygen,” he said."


TY for letting me know!

Colleen L (3)
Sunday June 16, 2019, 2:27 pm
Agree with David.
Thanks Charles

John Gregoire (290)
Monday June 17, 2019, 4:23 am
This has been around for four years1

Freya H (344)
Monday June 17, 2019, 5:11 am
People can keep their heads up their behinds only so long.

Peggy B (43)
Monday June 17, 2019, 6:12 am

Naomi Dreyer (43)
Monday June 17, 2019, 3:15 pm

Naomi Dreyer (43)
Monday June 17, 2019, 3:19 pm
Great satire

Winn Adams (179)
Monday June 17, 2019, 6:29 pm

Janet B (0)
Monday June 17, 2019, 6:35 pm

John J (0)
Tuesday June 18, 2019, 2:37 am
thanks for sharing

Jack Y (0)
Tuesday June 18, 2019, 2:56 am

Jerome S (0)
Tuesday June 18, 2019, 3:09 am
Thank you

Sylvie A (190)
Tuesday June 18, 2019, 3:16 am
Thank you for sharing.

Jim Ven (0)
Tuesday June 18, 2019, 3:23 am

KimJ ManyIssues (5)
Tuesday June 18, 2019, 5:10 am

KimJ ManyIssues (5)
Tuesday June 18, 2019, 5:11 am
Thank you for sharing
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