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something fo a change... August 22, 2005 1:42 AM

I was searching for some funny blogging articles when i came upon this. Just thought posting this funny blog "software - Wife_1.0" in here for the benefit of C2 readers here:

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Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstaller won't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!!!DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

Tech Support

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Xcellent, Mr. Ben!

Suggest try installing plugin - StealthMistress2.5 instead.

But before you do, cleanup your registry first to erase any tracks.

 
At 4:12 PM, Anonymous said...
oh btw, remember to switch on features for "lipstickNscent - autodelete" or your system will seize!

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This came from URL here -

http://blog.benjarriola.com/2005/08/wife-10-tech-support.html

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anyone still out there? January 19, 2006 12:51 AM

Loved that posting!

Change of pace again - just in case you're interested, I've posted two little quizzes on the Elderberries group (it's an open group), as well as one on Mensa earlier. The questions are not as international as I'd have liked them to be, but I had to keep in mind the members of the Elderberries group. Anyhow, the focus is not solely on the US of A, for a change!

 [ send green star]  [ accepted]

 
Many THNX January 23, 2006 8:04 PM

...Susilla.

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Quashed Coup d'Etat & Subsequent... February 23, 2006 11:29 PM

"State of Emergency" rules in the Philippines?

Well, it's true. I just got a 1300hrs call from a former colleague who is now assigned to his firm's production facility in Subic (Phil., Former US 7th Fleet Naval Base).

I was informed that there's a "failed" coup d'etat by elements of the Philippine Armed Forces at early dawn this day (24.Feb.06), and Subsequently, that nation's lady president had declared a "State of Emergency" rule in its national capital (Manila; meanings arrest can be made "without warrants").

I was also told that several prominent political opponent/critics of the current gov't administration was arrested.

My countrymen-colleague was frantic in asking me a favour coz he plan to shipped-out his 2 kids back to Taiwan for a temporal stay, and would like to know if i can accomodate them at my place for the duration until things calm down there in Manila.

Ahh, Philippines... that Asian bastion of "Democratic Press Freedom", tsk! Tsk!

Then 36 years ago (i was a kid then) to this day, Manila was so ahead in terms of economics * industrial opportunities, vis-a-vis any other Asian nations (except Japan)! But since the Aquino presidency, nothing seems to go well in that country. And the way i look at it, the nation is going "down the doldrum" in a big way!

Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!

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"Everyday Facts That We Seldom Even Think Of." March 21, 2006 10:20 PM

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma.

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. (Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you?)

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!

The first owner of the Marlboro Company  died of lung cancer. So did the first "Marlboro Man."

Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE!

PEARLS MELT IN VINEGAR!

The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but, not downstairs.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the
flush.

And the best for last..... Turtles can breathe through their butts.
-----------------------------

These were sent to me by my good friend & poetess - MC Rigsby. If you folks are interested in her writings, the hyperlink is here~
The Poetry Pages of mc rigsby --- It's more than just poetry...
http://home.mchsi.com/~museheart/pppages.html

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from The Pentagon... March 30, 2006 9:29 PM

...i just got this yesterday from my inbox (apparently the source wasn't shown):

A Lady libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in Guantanamo Bay . She received back the following reply:


The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington , D.C. 20016

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Quaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay , Cuba . Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington . You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short. In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter. Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him. Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka-over time. Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs"-wasn't that how you put it?

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember...we'll be watching.

Good luck!

Cordially,

your friend,
Don Rumsfeld

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Here's a New Link... May 18, 2007 1:14 AM

to a blog that i find interesting~

http://almuerzolibre.spaces.live.com/?lc=15369 

The reporting seems to concentrate much on the Asia-Pacific countries, though indepth. Check that out, folks.

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