"Rewards of Christmas"
Mary left her handbag behind in the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping. A young mall boy found the handbag and returned it to her. Mary, checking the contents of her purse, reasoned "‘Hmm, that’s strange", when I lost my bag, there was a twenty-dollar bill in and now, there are four fives! The boy piped up, "That’s right, Miss" with a boyish charming smile. "The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward".
This post was modified from its original form on 30 Nov, 21:55
That's funny! Smart kid!
Obviously, I was very upset but not too surprised when I saw flashing lights in my rear view mirror. I'm terribly sorry officer, I was just trying to make it to a meeting on time. "That's a shame" said the officer upon handing me my ticket. "What time is your meeting?" "Two o'clock!" The officer looked at his watch, "you probably could still make it if you hurry up!" http://www.cleanjokes4u.com/clean-joke.php?id=10311 "High Blood Pressure" A doctor remarked on his patients, ruddy, very red complexion. "I know" said the patient, "it's from high blood pressure and it's from my family." "Your mothers side, or fathers side?" questioned the doctor. "Neither, my wife's side." "What do you mean?" the doctor said, "that cannot be. How can you get it from your wife's family?" "Oh yeah, definitely," the patient responded, "you should meet them sometime!" http://www.cleanjokes4u.com/clean-joke.php?id=10309
They are all funny Sandra! Thanks.
Great - thanks!
I'm glad you both found them funny!
"How to Get a Day off from Work"
Woman: I bet you the boss will give me the day off. Man: And how would you plan to do that? Woman: Just watch and see. She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling and when the Boss comes in, he says "What are you doing?" Woman: I am a light bulb. Boss: Wow, you have been working so hard that you have gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off. The man starts to follow her and the Boss says: Where do you think you are going? The man says: I am going home, too. I cannot work in the dark.
This post was modified from its original form on 02 Dec, 22:48
Those are funny - thanks. Goo talking to you yesterday!
"Mad Cow Disease"
There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm." The other cow replies, "I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."
Great jokes Sandra! Thanks.
Thanks Sandra -
An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the storm, when a wave came up and washed the old man overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find him, so the captain sent the old woman back to shore with the promise that he would notify her as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old woman got a fax from the boat. It read: “Ma'am, sorry to inform you, we found your husband dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled him up to the deck and attached to his butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000. Please advise.”
The old woman faxed back: “Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.”
Love it Val!
Good to see you, Brenda!
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."
Great joke! Thanks Sandra.
Made me laugh - thanks!
I'm glad you both liked it!
You've probably heard this one before...
A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"
When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. "Good heavens," he said, "what is this?" "Why, it's bean soup," she replied. "I don't care what it has been," he sputtered. "What is it now?"
Hilarious! Thanks Sandra.
I'm glad you enjoyed them!
God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things," God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?" "Ah," said God "That's Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, plains, and coulees. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance." God smiled, "There is another Washington...wait until you see the idiots I put there."
I like this one a lot! Thanks Sandra.
Both are great - live the last one!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To show the armadillo that it was possible.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from Colonel Sanders!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road twice?
A: Because it was a double-crosser.
Q: Why did the Iraqi chicken cross the road?
A: To take over the other side.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the beach?
A: To get to the other tide.
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Chickens hadn't evolved yet.
Oh Sandra, they are so awful they are funny! Thanks.
I agree with Brenda - told hubby and he says - I am going to the other room now -
I'm glad you both found them funny!
Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."
Funny Sandra - made me giggle.
A frog calls a psychic
Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
Both funny! Thanks Sandra.
That is funny though I skipped class that day - refused to dissect a frog!