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Top 10 exercises to become a better horse person....
4 years ago

Top ten exercises to become a better horse person...

  1. Drop a heavy steel object on your foot. Don't pick it up right away. Shout, "Get Off, Stupid! GET OFF!"
  2. Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice "relaxing into the fall." Roll lithely into a ball and spring to your feet.
  3. Learn to grab your checkbook out of your purse and write out a $200 check without even looking down.
  4. Jog long distances carrying a halter and a carrot. Go ahead and tell the neighbors what you are doing; they might as well know now.
  5. Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and practice pulling to a halt. Smile as if you are having fun. 
  6. Hone your fibbing skills: " See, hon, moving hay bales is FUN! "and, "no, really, I'm glad your lucky performance and multimillion dollar horse won the blue ribbon. I am just thankful that my hard work and actual ability won me second place"
  7. Practice dialing your chiropractor's number with both arms paralyzed to the shoulder and one foot anchoring the lead rope of a frisky horse.
  8. Borrow the US Army's slogan: Be All That You Can Be: bitten, thrown, kicked, slimed, trampled, frozen...
  9.  Lie face down in a puddle of mud in your most expensive riding clothes and repeat to yourself, " This is a learning experience, this is a learning experience, this is..."

THE NUMBER ONE EXERCISE TO BECOME A BETTER EQUESTRIAN:

  1. Marry money.
beginning of the end.....
4 years ago

The beginning of the end....

  • A friend gives you a horse... You build a small shelter...$750
  • You fence in a paddock...$450
  • Purchase small truck to haul hay...$12,000
  • Purchase a 2 horse trailer...$2,800
  • Purchase 2nd horse...$2,500
  • Build larger shelter with storage...$2,000
  • More fencing...$1,200 Purchase 3rd horse...$3,000
  • Purchase 4 horse trailer...$7,500
  • Purchase larger truck...$18,000
  • Purchase 4 acres next door...$28,000
  • More fencing...$2,000
  • Build small barn...$16,000
  • Purchase camper for truck...$9,000
  • Purchase tractor...$12,000
  • Purchase 4th & 5th horse...$6,500
  • Purchase 20 acres...$185,000
  • Build house...$135,000
  • Build barn...$36,000
  • More fencing & corrals...$24,000
  • Build covered arena...$82,000
  • Purchase Dually...$34,000
  • Purchase gooseneck w/living quarters...$32,000
  • Purchase 6th, 7th & 8th horse...$10,750
  • Hire full time trainer...$40,000
  • Build house for trainer...$84,000
  • Buy motor home for shows...$125,000
  • Hire attorney ? wife leaving you for trainer...$5,000

Declare bankruptcy, wife got everything. Friend feels sorry for you...gives you a horse.....

How to interpret classified horse ads
4 years ago

How to interpret classified horse ads 

  • BIG TROT: Can't canter within a two mile straightaway
  • NICELY STARTED: lunges, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet
  • TOP SHOW HORSE: won a reserve champion 5 years ago at a show with unusually low entries due to tornado warnings
  • HOME BRED: knows nothing despite being raised on the back porch
  • BIG BONED: good thing he has a mane and tail, or he would be mistaken for a cow
  • NO VICES: especially when he wears his muzzle
  • BOLD: runaway
  • GOOD MOVER: runaway
  • ATHLETIC: runaway
  • NEEDS INTERMEDIATE RIDER: runaway
  • SHOULD MATURE 16 HANDS: currently 13 hands, dam is 14.2, sire is 14.3 hands,every horse in pedigree back 18 generations is under 15 hands, but *this*horse will defy his DNA and grow.
  • WELL MANNERED: hasn't stepped on, run over, bitten, or kicked anyone for a week
  • PROFESSIONALLY TRAINED: hasn't stepped on, run over, bitten, or kicked anyone for a month
  • RECENTLY VETTED: someone else found something really wrong with this horse
  • TO GOOD HOME ONLY: not really for sale unless you can 1) pay twice what he is worth 2) are willing to sign a 10 page legal document 3) allow current owner to tuck in beddy-bye every night
  • LIGHT CRIBBER: we can't afford to build anymore fences and barns for the buzz saw
  • EXCELLENT DISPOSITION: never been out of the stall
  • CLIPS, HAULS, LOADS: clippity clippity is the sound his hooves make as he hauls butt across the parking lot when you try to load him.


 

4 years ago

Something weird's going on with the site..............just got a message in my e-mail's IN BOX with the photo of the "redneck flymask".  That was posted some time ago, HEE HEE HEE!  Oh well, still funny! 

horses laughing at fly mask!
4 years ago
ts.jpg
ts1.jpg
redneck fly mask
4 years ago

redneck fly mask

Anonymous
4 years ago

Farriers are like cats....they don't come when you call them and they don't work in the rain!   

things not to day to your farrier!
4 years ago

Things not to say to your farrier ... take 2

  • All it takes to be a farrier is a strong back and a weak mind!
  • He won’t stand for me either, but your ad said you were a professional
  • Can you come back? We are home now.
  • Let me get my twitch before we get started.
  • These shoes have been on for only 12 weeks, and they are getting loose.
  • Sooo, when you’re finished, do I have to wait an hour before I can ride him/her?
  • My horse hates men.
  • Yep, I put that stuff on their feet right before you got here.
  • Every time we turn him out he throws a shoe.
  • That don’t look that hard!
  • Isn’t it great to be outside all day?
  • Let me call my neighbors and their 5 kids. They have never seen a horse shod before.
  • It sure is HOT!
  • I used to shoe, and I can tell right away if you’re doing a good job.
  • Do those nails hurt him?
  • He’s normally gentle as a kitten, but it is the first time I have had a halter on him.
  • Honestly, I DO clean his feet
  • I haven’t ever picked up his feet, but he seems real gentle.
  • Can you put these shoes on good and tight so that they won’t come off?
  • My vet said for you to call him and he will tell you how to shoe my horse.
  • He kicked the last farrier just like he kicked you.
  • He’s never been that bad!! What did you do?
  • The last guy I had won’t come any more. Can you come today?
  • I left them out in the field because it was such a nice day.
  • So, how much does your chiropractor run you a month?
  • Sorry - that’s my cell phone. I won’t let it ring under this colt’s nose again.
  • He never does that for me.
  • My horse doesn’t kick. ...well he has never kicked before.
  • Are you busy TODAY?
  • Can you make his foot smaller?
  • This is the first time he has EVER lost a shoe.
  • Since he’s a colt, will you charge me half price?
  • I used to shoe my own horses, but I could never get the angles right. Do you think you could take a little more off that back foot?
  • My horse is lame. You must have cut him too short.
  • Let me help you clear out a place to work, I’ve been meaning to get out here and straighten up this old barn...
  • That’s not the way the farrier did it back where I come from.
  • Can you save all the hoof trimmings for my dog?
  • Boy, you must have a strong back to bend over all day like that.
  • He’s just trying to swat the flies off you.
  • Read things not to say to your farrier ... take 1

    Submitted by 'Blacksmith' Dick, Williamsport, Md.
     

 

living with O.C.E.A.N. syndrome by Scooter Grubb
4 years ago

Living with O.C.E.A.N. Syndrome By Scooter Grubb

 

Just recently, after years of research, I have finally been able to give a name to what my wife and I have been living with for years.

It's an affliction, for sure, which when undiagnosed and misunderstood can devastate and literally tear a family apart. Very little is known about O.C.E.A.N. Syndrome. But it is my hope this article will generate interest from researchers involved in the equine and psychological sciences. You will, no doubt, begin to identify similar symptoms in your own family and hopefully now be able to cope.

Obsessive Compulsive Equine Attachment Neurosis Syndrome (O.C.E.A.N. is usually found in the female and can manifest itself anytime from birth to the golden years. Symptoms may appear any time and may even go dormant in the late teens, but the syndrome frequently re-emerges in later years.

Symptoms vary widely in both number and degree of severity. Allow me to share some examples which are most prominent in our home.

The afflicted individual:

  1. Can smell moldy hay at ten paces, but can't tell whether milk has gone bad until it turns chunky.
  2. Finds the occasional "Buck and Toot" session hugely entertaining, but severely chastises her husband for similar antics.
  3. Will spend hours cleaning and conditioning her tack, but wants to eat on paper plates so there are no dishes.
  4. Considers equine gaseous excretions a fragrance.
  5. Enjoys mucking out four stalls twice a day, but insists on having a housekeeper mop the kitchen floor once a week.
  6. Will spend an hour combing and trimming an equine mane, but wears a baseball cap so she doesn't waste time brushing her own hair.
  7. Will dig through manure piles daily looking for worms, but does not fish.
  8. Will not hesitate to administer a rectal exam up to her shoulder, but finds cleaning out the Thanksgiving turkey cavity for dressing quite repulsive.
  9. By memory can mix eight different supplements in the correct proportions, but can't make macaroni and cheese that isn't soupy.
  10. Twice a week will spend an hour scrubbing algae from the water tanks, but has a problem cleaning lasagna out of the casserole dish.
  11. Will pick a horse/DONKEY's nose, and call it cleaning, but becomes verbally violent when her husband picks his.
  12. Can sit through a four-hour session of a ground work clinic, but unable to make it through a half-hour episode of Cops.

The spouse of an afflicted victim:

  1. Must come to terms with the fact there is no cure, and only slightly effective treatments. The syndrome may be genetic or caused by the inhaling of manure particles which, I propose, have an adverse effect on female hormones.
  2. Must adjust the family budget to include equine items - hay, veterinarian services, farrier services, riding boots and clothes, supplements, tack, CARTS, HARNESS, DRIVING CLINICS, SHOWS, equine masseuse and acupuncturist - as well as the (mandatory) equine spiritual guide, etc. Once you have identified a monthly figure, never look at it again. Doing so will cause tightness in your chest, nausea and occasional diarrhea.
  3. Must realize that your spouse has no control over this affliction. More often than not, she will deny a problem even exists as denial is common.
  4. Must form a support group. You need to know you're not alone - and there's no shame in admitting your wife has a problem. My support group, for instance, involves men who truly enjoy Harley Davidsons, four-day weekends and lots of scotch. SKIING, SNOWMOBILING, HUNTING, FARMING, FISHING ALSO WORK. Most times, she is unaware that I am even gone, until the precise moment she needs help getting a 50-pound bag of grain out of the truck.

Now you can better see how O.C.E.A.N.S. affects countless households in this country and abroad. It knows no racial, ethnic or religious boundaries. It is a syndrome that will be difficult to treat because those most affected are in denial and therefore, not interested in a cure.

So, I am taking it upon myself to be constantly diligent in my research in order to pass along information to make it easier for caretakers to cope on a day to day basis.

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

horse's view of natural horsemanship
4 years ago

A Horse's View of Natural Horsemanship

Hello my name is Flicka and my Owner's a clinic junky. Yes, it's true. She went thru her mid life crisis and came to the sale barn and bought me.

I spent my whole life misbehaving and being passed from greenhorn to greenhorn till someone finally got smart and sent me to the sale barn.

I was seriously hoping to be picked up by one of those show horse fella's so I could live in a fancy barn and stand around and look pretty, but they told me my butt's too small, my heads too big, and the crest on my neck from a bout with grass founder (thanks to owner number 2) is not desirable, and in general I was just not that capable of looking pretty, so I went home with Phyllis instead.

She pets me and loves me, and in general I had a pretty good life at first. Then she heard about those guys who whisper to horses. Life has never been the same.

First there was Pat. At Pat's clinic Phyllis learned to twirl a big stick and chase me around a round pen till I was ringing wet with sweat.

Once I had quote "calmed down" (I was never really fired up in the first place till that guy came at me with the stick like an idiot) she began learning to ride me with no bridle. Talk about giving an old spoiled horse an opportunity to have some fun! Initially I went along with it. I'd lope around the pen real nice like, and everyone would oooh and cooo over my "natural horse" abilities.

Then, just when everyone had gathered around to watch, I would see the SCARIEST!! (tehehehe) Shadow in the history of scary shadows and switch directions and take off with my rider clinging terrified to my back. Every other horse on the place was envious of me because their owners would take them out back and beat them with that overpriced stick when no one was watching, but I knew my Phyllis would not.

Eventually Philly (as I like to call her) gave up on the whole natural horse idea when Pat tried to talk her into jumping me without a bridle over some barrels.

Off we went in search of another guru. In our search we found Monty. He threw a string at a horse and talked to the horse with winks and stares. I spent some time with his clinic horses. I saw the demonstration where an unbroken 2 year old became an overnight Reiner.

Later I talked to the 2 year old. He was actually 5 and had been doing this same routine for about 5 clinics now. The first time Phyllis broke out the string I again, went along with it. Well, until she got tired of me stopping and looking at her like she was stupid. When she went to get herself a glass of water and refer to that chapter in Monty's book, I grabbed the string and chewed it to pieces.

And this is how I got my Jolly ball!

Then there was the Indian fella with a name I can't pronounce. To get the full effect of his clinic Philly painted stuff on my body and put feathers in my hair. I looked like I was in a Costume class, but hey whatever floats your boat. I thought maybe at least with this guy we might get to play Indian pony games and have mock battles or something but no. More round pen work and gimmicks. This time there was a fire in the middle of the round pen and they danced around it while praying that I would become a good horse and always mind my owner. He only took her for a couple thousand pelts and a bottle of firewater.

There's been the Australian guy. Training with a Boomerang while he hopped around like a kangaroo and called me his mate... "Sorry fella, your cute and all but my mate has 4 legs. I Just don't' swing interspecies."

A horse psychic who told Phyllis my momma didn't lick me enough when I was born.

A guy who used his hands like ears to talk to me and of course the touchy feely lady.

I can't complain though I've got an owner who loves me and has devoted her time to trying to make me a better horse. I really should behave, really I should, but I think I am contributing to her youth by giving her a reason to take me to all these clinics. Maybe the next clinic will involve turning me out with the mustangs so I find my inner wild stallion.

Sincerely, Flicka

Submitted by Gary, Emmitsburg, Md.

SAVE GAS - RIDE A HORSE
4 years ago

SAVE GAS - RIDE A HORSE!
Author Unknown


HONEST HARRY'S NEW & USED HORSES

I can save you money on gas!

Alright folks, step right up! You don't want to pay $4.69 for gas, no problem, I have the perfect vehicle for you. Needs no gas, no oil, or even a battery, just a little grass and water will do these animals fine. Now everyone has different needs, so choose from the following models:

1. Trail Horse - Your average run around town animal. Has the energy to get where you are going, the brain to find the best way to go, big enough to carry the normal sized American.

2. The Arabian - perfect for those who travel long distances in a day and try to multi task while driving. Although the Arabian may not go to your home or office with out specific instruction, it WILL go somewhere.

3. The Draft - Calling all soccer moms. This big guy can carry the whole team, their gear and snacks. Just like the big machines, this guy will require more fuel, and his shoes will be more expensive than the compact model.

4. The Western Pleasure - The right car for the high end white collar workers. This animal works harder and requires more special knowledge so only the best can figure this out. Be sure to take your cell phone. You won't be stuck in traffic, you just won't be getting anywhere fast.

5. The Parelli - Salesmen, stay at home moms, and high school kids will all enjoy this dream. You can load him down with flapping Wal-mart bags, ask him to walk in places a horse won't fit, and you can dance with him as you listen to the latest tunes.

6. The Ranch - The most dependable animal available. He will go where ever you ask him to, at whatever speed is appropriate. You can tie him to the stop sign and he will be there when you get back. Best of all, this model has been specially engineered to be able to go without water for days and stay fat and slick by eating sagebrush and dead prairie grass.

Of course all models are available in base colors (sorrel, bay, black) Special order colors are available (dun, gray, palomino) and for an additional fee, custom paint jobs are also available (overo, tobiano, blanket, leopard).

No horse is sold with a warranty, however maintenance plans are available in the event brakes, steering, or accelerator fail.

the horse and the chicken
4 years ago

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Z-3 series BMW. Finding the keys inside, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's car, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful car, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thing" and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life. The moral of the story? When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

This is for Kindle or whoever wants to help with this!
4 years ago

Kindle:
I received an email on another thread requesting our help with a horse refuge that is to be shut down April 30th. I don't know whether it is too late to help or not but thought maybe you and other horse owners on here might be able to help at least a little to find homes for these horses!
Thanks.
If there is anything I can do (contacting horse rescues etc.) let me know, Kindle.
Jeri Capaccione

4 years ago

BRILLIANT KINDLE - I will be laughing all the way to the muck-heap thinking of these -THANKYOU xx

The Horse's definitions dictionary
4 years ago

The Horse Dictionary

Arena: Place where humans can take the fun out of forward motion.
Bit: Means by which a rider's every motion is transmitted to the extremely sensitive tissues of the mouth.
Bucking: Counterirritant.
Crossties: Gymnastic apparatus.
Dressage: Process by which some riders can eventually be taught to respect the bit.
Fence: Barrier that protects good grazing.
Grain: Sole virtue of domestication.
Hitching rail: Means by which to test one's strength.
Horse trailer: Mobile cave bear den.
Jump: An opportunity for self-expression.
Latch: Type of puzzle.
Longeing: Procedure for keeping a prospective rider at bay.
Owner: Human assigned responsibility for one's feeding. 
Rider: Owner overstepping its bounds.
Farrier: Disposable surrogate owner useful for acting out aggression without compromising food supply.
Trainer: Owner with mob connections. 
Veterinarian: Flightless albino vulture.

Submitted by Margaret Juergensmeyer

All i need to know in Life I Learned from my Horse!
4 years ago

All I Need to Know in Life I Learned From My Horse

1. When in doubt, run far, far away.
2. You can never have too many treats.
3. Passing gas in public is nothing to be ashamed of.
4. New shoes are an absolute necessity every 6 weeks.
5. Ignore cues. They're just a prompt to do more work.
6. Everyone loves a good, wet, slobbery kiss.
7. Never run when you can jog. Never jog when you can walk. And never walk when you can stand still.
8. Heaven is eating for at least 10 hours a day... and then sleeping the rest.
10. Eat plenty of roughage.
11. Great legs and a nice rear will get you anywhere. Big, brown eyes help too.
12. When you want your way, stomp hard on the nearest foot.
13. In times of crisis, take a poop.
14. Act dumb when faced with a task you don't want to do.
15. Follow the herd. That way, you can't be singled out to take the blame.
16. A swift kick in the butt will get anyone's attention.
17. Love those who love you back, especially if they have something good to eat.

Submitted by Elaine Steele, Idaho

hay...anyone have any good horse jokes to add??
4 years ago

smile, just for giggles and brighten up someone's day...

does anyone have any good horse jokes to add to this thread??

 

a smile is a good way to relax stress, so if you have something, just think of it as helping people start off with a good day and a smile on their faces..

 

 

4 years ago

Gotcha!  I'm retired now, but got told once that my "attire" wasn't suitable for an office when I wore a T-Shirt to work that said "Manure Movers of America, Local 86". 

I used to keep a hoofpick on my keychain, along with my truck and car keys. 

diane, lets just keep making a list?
4 years ago

 

i think we all should just keep adding to that list of horse crazy, i am sure there is much more things that are funny about our time and things we do with horses. 

love to hear some of the crazy things we do and how our life goes in funny ways cause of the horse..

 

4 years ago

The ones above are geared more towards young people & students.  As for us "older broads", how about the fact the barn is cleaner than our house?  Or, the mailbox is filled more with horse tack catalogs than anything else?

"Been there & done that" for years about being late for work constantly, yet I'd stay up all night so I could be at the show grounds early for the 8:00 A.M. class.

The Signs of Horse Crazy
4 years ago

You wonder why people complain about having to get up so early for a
9am class. You feel like saying, "Try getting up at 4am on weekends
for horse shows!".

- Your papers for your writing classes contain stories of horses.

- When people complain about an instructor being cruel and too hard,
you think of the riding instructor's youve had... the ones who made
you run the barrels on foot, jump bareback, or ride backwards to
improve your balance...

- Your social life consists of chatting with people at horse shows.
Or, chatting with them on The Ultimate Horse Site.

- If you have a MySpace, it includes more photos of horses than of you.

- You accept MySpace friends instantly if they have a picture of a horse in their profile.

- You've added Ultimate Horse Site to your MySpace Friends: http://myspace.com/ultimatehorse

- You wonder why people buy energy drinks to get through their
classes, when you've spent early-mornings loading up horse trailers,
pulled all-nighters watching colicing horses, and afternoons grooming
horses for hours... on an empty stomach. And all they need to do is
sit still and stay awake...

- You need a break from school work so you visit The Ultimate Horse
Site to see if there are any updates.

- Your idea of a perfect boyfriend/girlfriend , besides being sweet, smart, and
caring, and all that -- is one who can fix stalls, muck barns, and
enjoys riding on the beach.

- You haven't been on a date in a long time and you think you'll
probably end up marrying a farrier or a vet (since they are the people
you see most often).

- In a human genetics class, you often ask things like, "Does it work
like that in horses too?"

- In biology class your instructor looks at you any time horses are mentioned

- Your instructor doesn't remember your name but calls you "the horse person".

- In American History class, you often ask, "What was the name of his horse?"

- When you write papers for history classes, you always mention the
horses and their contributions to society.

- You get excited in an English Literature class when you come across
material about horses.

- You've asked the engineering students to calculate the wingspan of a
hypothetically functional pegasus (still waiting on the answer to that
one...)

- You'd totally take the art class if, instead of sculpting a nude
model, you practiced creating horses.

- You write a movie review for literature class on Henry V and
conclude it by analyzing the horsemanship in the film.

- You see a cute guy and think, "I wonder what he'd look like in Wranglers..."

- You ask your history teacher what the most important animal in
history is and then argue with him that it was the horse.

- You don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend because you spend all your
spare time with your horses.

- You can spend an hour discussing horses with an instructor or
classmates, but not politics or sociology.

- Your idea of a controversial issue is NAIS, horse slaughter, or
mustang management.

- You don't understand mini-skirts or high-heeled shoes.

- When someone complains of having to make a long drive for a few
hours, you smile and think of the time you drove 9 hrs to a clinic, or
2 days to make it to a horse event.

- You have horse doodles in your notebooks.

- You think the cafeteria isn't THAT bad; You've had much worse
horse-show-stand food.

- You see a girl wearing a pair of high-heeled, pointy-toed
fashionable boots and when she tells you how much they cost you say,
"Wow, you could have bought a nice pair of REAL boots for that!"

- Your classmates/friends have referred to you as "horse lady",
"cowboy", "horse guy", etc.

- You

Five Gaited Horse
4 years ago

Five Gaited Horse: Start, Stop, Stumble, Stagger and Fall.

You know your a horse person when:
4 years ago

You know you are a horseperson when:

-You cluck to your car when you go up a hill.
-Your horse's hair is in better condition than your own.
-You refer to your car as "my portable tack room".
-You are exited when your friend tells you that there is a huge sale at the bridle shop, then you are dissapointed when you realize they mean the bridal shop.
-You have the vet's number but not your kid's pediatrician on your speed dial.
-Your spouse can track dirt into the house all they want, but God help them if they muddy up the tack room.
-Your house is a mess, but the barn is as neat as a pin.
-Your nice clothes are the ones without horse hair all over them.
-You have to go to your friend's wedding in riding clothes because you took too long at the barn.Only horsepeople would spend hundreds of dollors on a show for a 95 cent ribben

First Horse Ride
4 years ago

JUNIOR: Daddy, there's a man at the circus who jumps on a horse's back, slips underneath his belly, catches hold of its tail and finishes on the horse's neck!
FATHER: That's nothing. I did all that the first time I ever rode a horse!

How do you....
4 years ago

How do you...

induce labor in a mare?  Take a nap.

cure equine constipation?  Load them in a clean trailer.

cure equine insomnia?  Show them in a halter class.

get a horse to stay very calm and laid back?  Show them in a liberty class.

get a horse to wash his own feet?  Clean the water trough and fill it with fresh water.

get a mare to come in heat?  Take her to a show.

get a mare in foal the first cover?   Let the wrong stallion get out of his stall.

make sure that a mare has that beautiful, perfectly marked foal you always wanted?   Sell her before she foals.

get a show horse to set up perfectly and really stretch?   Get him out late at night or anytime no one is around to see him.

induce a cold snap in the weather?   Clip a horse.

make it rain?   Mow a field of hay.

make a small fortune in the horse business?   Start with a large one

"Pull Buddy" (herd mentality)
4 years ago
Pull, Buddy

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse, named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

 

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try."

HORSE JOKES
4 years ago
| HORSE JOKES

If you cross these breeds of horses, what would they Make?

Quarter Horse & Halflinger = Three-Quarter Horse
Mustang  & Bashkir= Mustache

Vlaamperd  & Shire = Vampire

Quarter horse & Warmblood= warm horse

Foxtrotter & Irish Hunter= fox hunter

Halflinger  & Warmblood = Half Warm

Paint & Palomino = Paint Pal

Missouri Foxtotter & Miniature Horse= Mini Fox
Fjord Pony & Gypsy Vanner = Ford Van

Icelandic & Hackney = Ice-Hack

Oldenburg & Westphalian = Old West
Saddlebred & Appaloosa= Saddleloosa

Appaloosa & Danish Warmblood = Apple Danish
Mustang & Friesian= Must Freeze

Friesian & Warmblood = Freezing Blood
Halflinger & Quarter= Half Quart
Oldenburg & Saddlebred= Old Saddle
Quarter Horse & Buckskin= a Quarter Buck

Gotland & Appaloosa = Gotloose

Ardennaise & Noma =- Nomayonnaise

Welsh  & Shetland = Wetland

Can you think of more crosses and what that might make? giggle