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Past Molestation, and how it affects your present..
6 years ago

Thank You Gase for inviting me to this very important group! I want to let all of you know that I was molested from age 8-12, by my stepfather. He is still to this day with my Mother. I tried to tell her when I was 8 Years old, but she would not let me talk without him being present. I was too scared to tell her what he was doing to me in front of him, so I backed down. I tried several times in the years after, and still, she believed him. Even when I brought my brothers and my sister for a family meeting. But.. they were younger than I, and they were afraid of what he would do to them, so they backed down as well. I then put it off, and tried to just block it out of my mind with drinking and drugs. I fianally went for alcohol and drug treatment in 1996, when I was 36 years old. I got past that, and got my life back together. But low and behold, I still had the effects of my past trauma from being molested. I finally took my son and moved out of state when I was 43 years old. I called the police and put in an order to investigate them. My brother got wind of it, and since he is a major alcoholic, and they were enabling him, he told them of my plan. They cleaned up their atmosphere and cued the kids involved, and the police told me there was nothing they could do. They told me the 7 year statute of limitations had run out in my case, and since they could find no new evidence, I had no case. I now am 48 years old, going on 49, with P.T.S.D., Panic and anxiety, fibromyalgia, pain disorders, depression, and anger isssues. I don't have any dependants that qualify me for medical and I can't work due to my health issues. This is wrong! I just want you all to know that I am fighting to get justice for what has happened to me. Sending you all Peace and Love from the Oregon Coast~ Rochelle xoxo

Re: [Protect our children and create stiffer laws for the perpetrators] Past Molestation, and how it
6 years ago

Dear Rochelle , Is it ok that I post this on the group page? Thank you for sharing darlin. Sincerely Amy From: Care2 Groups: Protect our children and create stiffer laws for the perpetrators Mailing List [crimeandabuse-1182354-1182354@groups.care2.com] Sent: 2/22/2009 3:31:15 AM To: amymonarch@care2.com Subject: [Protect our children and create stiffer laws for the perpetrators] Past Molestation, and how it affects your present.. Past Molestation, and how it affects your present.. 11:31 PM Thank You Gase for inviting me to this very important group! I want to let all of you know that I was molested from age 8-12, by my stepfather. He is still to this day with my Mother. I tried to tell her when I was 8 Years old, but she would not let me talk without him being present. I was too scared to tell her what he was doing to me in front of him, so I backed down. I tried several times in the years after, and still, she believed him. Even when I brought my brothers and my sister for a family meeting. But.. they were younger than I, and they were afraid of what he would do to them, so they backed down as well. I then put it off, and tried to just block it out of my mind with drinking and drugs. I fianally went for alcohol and drug treatment in 1996, when I was 36 years old. I got past that, and got my life back together. But low and behold, I still had the effects of my past trauma from being molested. I finally took my son and moved out of state wh en I was 43 years old. I called the police and put in an order to investigate them. My brother got wind of it, and since he is a major alcoholic, and they were enabling him, he told them of my plan. They cleaned up their atmosphere and cued the kids involved, and the police told me there was nothing they could do. They told me the 7 year statute of limitations had run out in my case, and since they could find no new evidence, I had no case. I now am 48 years old, going on 49, with P.T.S.D., Panic and anxiety, fibromyalgia, pain disorders, depression, and anger isssues. I don't have any dependants that qualify me for medical and I can't work due to my health issues. This is wrong! I just want you all to know that I am fighting to get justice for what has happened to me. Sending you all Peace and Love from the Oregon Coast~ Rochelle xoxo 1 message in this topic | post via the web | start a topic via the web Group Links home | announcements | discussions | host shares | members | email preferences To stop receiving discussion posts from Protect our children and create stiffer laws for the perpetrators, visit: www.care2.com/c2c/groups/unsubscribe/20561/29191735 or email to: crimeandabuse-unsubscribe-29191735@groups.care2.com new topic email: crimeandabuse@groups.care2.com owner email: crimeandabuse-owner@groups.care2.com Rochelle T. Care2 Groups Care2 groups offers tools for keeping in touch with those who share your interests including: * host announcements * member discussions * rss content * group shares To learn more go to C2C Groups Popular Groups Healthy Living Network (406,913 members) Earth Day (15,764 members) Hot Debates & Shocking News (708 members) THE LEFT, THE RIGHT AND BEYOND (471 members) National Geographic (48,337 members) More Popular Groups » Share, Learn, Connect and Make a Difference with Care2 Groups! www.care2.com/c2c/groups

Ok to post
6 years ago

Hi Amy, Yes, it is ok to post my story on the group page. Thank You for asking. I like to get my story out as much as possible, in hopes it will help others to realize how much damage can be done by molestation, and also not having any closure due to the perpetrators getting away with it and never admitting to thier crime. You have a wonderful day.
Sending everyone much Peace and Love from the Oregon Coast~
Rochelle *hugs*

6 years ago

I was also molested as a child only by my natural father. He did it to all 4 of us girls. we were also made to tell my mother in front of our father. the 2 younger girls lied and backed down, my mother never believed my older sister or I either and stayed with my father for over 20 years till finaly died of cancer. It affected me emotionaly and my daughter ended up being molested as a child also. It has affected her to the point where she does not trust any man alone with her 2 boys. I think it disgusting how mothers will protect the husband over thier children. they seem to just not want to believe the man they are married to could or would do anything to her childern. I believe a mother should believe the child first until it is proven that that child is lying or misunderstood something that was done. the child should always be believed first.

Re: [Protect our children and create stiffer laws for the perpetrators] Past Molestation, and how it
6 years ago

Hi People

firstly thank you Rochelle, for sharing you have clearly come out of this whole ordeal a strong and determined individual, and you derserve to be proud, you have done so well, also JulyAnn, I read your story as wlel, and you also deserve a medal for coming out of the whoe ordeal so strong and commited to speaking out.

As I am a Youth Worker in Leeds, it is a whole different story. We go through strict training with the Leeds City Council with issues around bullying, Child Protection, Social Services, Foster care help/support, Every where in Leeds, and surrounding areas, if any YOUNG PERSON is in any danger whatsoever, in Leeds, with the Youth Services, We have a Designated Senior Youth Officer who has to deal with any kind of disclosure by Any young person, or it may well be that a Youth Worker, notices something wrong with a young child/person, it may be that a young person has been hit at home, or is attending a youth centre, and on of the Youth Workers, realises that something is very wrong in the family environment, and We have a RIGHT to bring such a thing to our Senior Youth Officer, who will bring in the correct services as to what is the best OUTCOME for the CHILD/YOUNG PERSON, however bad the case, I have had cause to inform some of our services before today, it was a long time ago, that involved a young person, his father, has been touching/molesting him, and this boy was only eight or so years of age, I immediatley informed my Senior Youth Officer, and in the long run of thing's the matter was dealt with before it got too far out of hand, because of quick thinking members of Staff, who show commitment and strength to the job, and act on impulse, knowing when something is wrong, it is a different story all over the world, but the Child/ young person must always be believed, and not put through such ordeals, I have worked with young people over twenty years, and it still hurts me so much to think that ANYONE could put another human being through such a horrific ordeal, and the other fact that really really hurts me is that the female/mother does not believe the CHILD/YOUNG PERSON.

Once again thanks for sharing, you have all done well, that have come through and also become much stronger, for what you have been through, you have my greatest regards
Take Care

Stephen W

6 years ago

I was molested once when I was 5 by my paternal grandfather. I tried to tell my parents that night, but they couldn't understand what I was trying to tell them so I stopped trying. I "forgot" about the incident until I entererd my teen years. I realized exactly what happened to me and withdrew. I started drinking and smoking pot when I was 16. I entered into a lot of unhealthy relationships. I had self esteem issues and still do. It affected how I felt about sex and even my sex life as an adult until I decided to stop letting it. I can't imagine how a repeated molestation affects someone. Once is damaging enough.

6 years ago

Hello JulieAnn, Thank You for sharing your story with me and others. It is a hard thing to do, because it brings back memories that you spend your whole life trying to block out. At least with me it works like that. My daughter was also molested when she was young, and of course knows of my molestation, which makes her very aware of sexual predators. Neither my daughter nor my son want anything to do with thier grandmother or step grandfather due to what happened to me when I was young, and the fact that they still keep the secret as if it will just go away if it is ignored. I also can not imagine a mother not believing her children, and turning her head to the whole ordeal. Not to mention, being told, and then by not believing, allowing it to continue! In my mind my Mother is just as guilty as my stepfather who did this to me, for not doing anything about it. I believe she harbored a criminal. I just pray that one of these days, laws will change, allowing time for a child to get stong enough to go for help without being afraid.
Sending you much Peace and Love,
Rochelle *hugs*

6 years ago

Hello Stephen! Wow!!! We need more people in this world like you doing angel work! Thank You so much for sharing your story with me and others, and letting us know that there are people like you out there wathching out for our children. I know first hand how hard it is to confront your Mother, especially when you have been threatend, and told that she will never believe you. My stepfather told me that, and it is sad, but it was also true. Another thing he use to tell us kids was that he was the devil and not to ever forget that. I have and never will forget that. I believe he is a demon, and stalks children. I don't believe he has changed over the years, just changed the way he does things. Someone who has sexually twisted wants like he does, just does not change. I don't even think counseling would help him, since it is a deep desire of his to be with youngsters. He will be one of those people that take what he has done to his grave with him. I on the other hand,will keep writing and telling my story, because it works like therapy for me. Thanks for all you have done and all that you do.
Sending you much Peace and Love,
Rochelle *hugs*

6 years ago

Hello Michelle, Thank You for sharing your story with me and others here. It is so important to write and or talk about it. I do both. It helps me to deal with the pain of the betrayal of my Mother not believing me over all of these years. Yes, once is enough, but you are right about how an ongoing abuse situation can be hard to deal with. My daughters name is Michelle and she was approached by a family member once when she was 11, and I believed her. She deals with what happened to her much better than I do, because I believed her and I did something about it. Unfortunately it was my brother, who was also a victim of what was going on in our family when I was being molested. That does not make what he did right, and he should have never tried to touch her in that way. Your story reminded me of my paternal grandfather on my fathers side of the family, who was physically abusive to my grandmother. I knew he had broke her nose several times and who knows what else he may have done to her! I remember walking a big circle arond him when we would go for visits, because he would grab us girls and put us on his lap and bounce us up and down. I knew what he was doing was wrong, and it felt terrible and made me scared. I also remember not feeling any loss or pain when he finally passed away. Molestation has a way of making your heart cold towards the perpetrators. I wish you much luck and love in your life path dear. Sending you much Peace and Love,
Rochelle *hugs*

Past Molestation, and how it affects your present..
6 years ago

Hey Rochelle, and others that have been touched/molested in any way at all.

I realise that it is difficult for you, but by talking and stating what has happened to you, whether in your early years or even later, you are making a good solid statement, and though the hurt and the harsh pain of reality will always be with you, even in your darkets hour, you have amde a change in your life. I also think that you are Correct, in how you stated that HE/IT/DEVIL will go to the grave knowing what he has done, although that will be no realistic consolation to you, although saying that HE/IT/DEVIL, will not harm or torture again, and for that alone, it may make you feel better, but be STRONG in your own self.

I cannot understand how these cruel adults that are supposed to look after/support children can think of them in a sexual setting at all, it practically makes me feel sick, I would certainly kill if I found out that was happening with any member of my family, to me that would be justice enough.
I believe if someone especially an adult can torture a child in that manner by constantly abusing/molesting them in any way at all, should have the book thrown at them. I don't think as you stated counselling would help them, it is in the back of the brain, it is aonstant craving for something that they should not have, I do not know if they somehow think that they are not doing anything wrong. As adults we know when something is wrong, but to carry on doing this only harms that certain young person, which in turn will lower their self esteem, make them hate themselves, and even make them feel dirty, my heart goes out to all those that have been through something so bad, but have found light, because they have made a statement towards these perpetrators.

Take care and look after yourself, Rochelle
Stephen W

6 years ago

I'm still dealing the effects of the abuse I went though, and I probably will still be dealing with it till the day I die!
It's a life sentince undeserved!!
Sexual abuse is a life sentince to a child the molesters should get a life sentince 90+ years! they cannot be cured you cannot change what people think if they already think in devious ways they will not ever change, even if you casterate them or cut theie hands off they will still think of molesting, YOU would have to give them a lombotomy!

6 years ago

It's not about sex it's about power over a weaker person (victim)

6 years ago

Hi Misty, Thank You for sharing your story with us about the fact that you were abused, and I do agree it is a life sentence for us. It is something that we have to learn to live with, but it never goes away. And I do agree that the abusers should get life setences, or like you said, a labatomy, to keep them from ever even thinking of such a terrible thing again. The unfortunate thing is, it would not make our painful memories go away. The one thing I disagree with you on is where you say that it is not about sex, but a power or control issue. I believe it is both. My stepfather was and still is deep into porn. I remember when I was 9 years old, and he showed pictures from vietnam to us kids of him with two young vietnamese girls ages about 13-14. He told us they were prostitutes and that he had sex with them. He acted like it was ok, because things like that were accepted there. Well, I don't believe they are accepted there, I believe those girls are victims of thier terrible society and war. What ever the case, he got a taste for having sex with young girls. I remember him sitting in his recliner in the living room, cutting out pictures of his favorite girls out of playboy and other adult mens magazines he had stacked up next to his chair. He would then paste them in a photo type album. This was like his hobby and was a daily thing. He and my Mother would watch triple %#&!*% movies in thier room, and would leave the videos out on top of thier T.V.
My Mother had a variety of dildo's and vibrators laying around thier room in visible sight. Us kids would see these things when they would send us to thier room for something like putting clean laundry on thier bed, or to get something from thier room for them. I also remember one day finding some steel balls on the pizza pan in the kitchen. I asked my Mom "Mom, what are these steelies doing here?" She replied " Don't you know what those are?" I told her I did not.. to me they looked like marbles. She then told me they were Ben Wa Balls and what they were used for. This is a woman who never even explained to me about menstration and how to use a tampon! Now, the power and control thing in my family came in the way of physical abuse. I remember when I was 12, having to pull my pants and underwear down to my ankles and bend over, and my stepfather beat me with a belt that he brought home from Vietnam. It was a good two inch wide leather belt with quarter size silver rounded buttons across it. That beating caused me to have quarter sized blood blisters all over my buttocks and the back of my legs. I wanted to jump out of my bedroom window and run to the police, but I was afraid that if they noticed I was gone, before I found an officer, what would they do to me then??? He had me too scared to talk to anyone else or tell anyone else about what was going on in our home. So, everything remained a secret and continued, due to my Mother not believing me and the physical abuse to keep me quiet. I didn't tell anyone until I was 21 years old, and that was my real father. Still, by this time, it was past the statute of limitations and nothing could be done. So, today, I just talk, and write about what happened to me with others that have been sexually, physically and or mentally abused, because helping others helps me.

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