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Posts about DEA at the USA and Canada~ 1
4 years ago

 

http://www.clicktoempower.org/media/7965/economic_abuse_fact_sheet_5_16_09.pdf

 

At the above fact sheet you can see many relavant questions that has to do with “domestic economic abuse” at the USA.

I’ll be very happy to hear your remarks and questions that has to do with the above file.

Have a wonderful day. Koty

economic abuse
4 years ago

Thanks for your help in understanding the depth of this problem.

economic abuse
4 years ago

Koty, Thank you for the info. This is worth keeping and forwarding. Have a peaceful weekend.....Kathy

d0mestic economic abuse
4 years ago

Les and Kathy I am so glad to hear that you both appreciate this info.

economic abuse
4 years ago

Thanks also for Val R. for appreciate this info.

domestic economic abuse
3 years ago

Please have a look at the following page :

 

http://www.clicktoempower.org/media/7965/economic_abuse_fact_sheet_5_16_09.pdf

 

At the above fact sheet you can see many relavant questions that has to do with “domestic economic abuse” at the USA.

I’ll be very happy to hear your remarks and questions that has to do with the above page.

Take care, Koty

Anonymous
3 years ago

Ooops!!

The page cannot be found

I found this one though. Maybe it's the same?

 

http://www.uncfsp.org/projects/userfiles/File/DCE-STOP_NOW/NCADV_Economic_Abuse_Fact_Sheet.pdf

 

Happy Mother's Day Koty & everyone!

Elaine - thank you for the update!
3 years ago

Thank you Elaine for the update! Yes, the link you gave is an updated verstion of the previous material! Thanks for the good wishes and take care, Koty

3 years ago

Thanx for the Information Koty

3 years ago

Barbara, you are very welcome! Please pay attention that now we can see at the uncfsp's Fact Sheet :

"victims of domestic violence are often forced to choose between staying
in an abusive relationship or facing economic hardship and possibly extreme poverty and homelessness".

Click to empower
3 years ago

Koty, thank you for the post.
I joined this group to do what I could to help people, because i've been there.
I just want to make sure that everyone is aware that mental anuse is just as bad as physical abuse and carry their own scars, some of which can last a lifetime.
I've come to accept this, which in turn enables me to speak about without shame, as I know it wasn't my fault.
But I feel that to many do carry misplaced shame and actually feel that they did, at least in part, deserve it.
This mindset has to change in order to move forward, and I thank you again for helping furthet that with this group.....PAX, Ellen

Anonymous
3 years ago

"victims of domestic violence are often forced to choose between staying
in an abusive relationship or facing economic hardship and possibly extreme poverty and homelessness".

 

I made the choice to leave an abusive relationship 7 years ago. I walked away in the middle of the night with not a penny in my pocket and nowhere to go. No friends, and no family were speaking to me. Still, i knew that I was better off and that things would eventually work out. I'd taken the first step forward. I spent one night sleeping outside of a church, and the next day a stranger saw me sitting, pondering, at a bus stop & he offered me a job and a place to live plus pay. omg! I learned interior design and landscaping and then once i had the cash i need I moved to my favorite place on earth. My light is back and I am fine. I'm so glad I made the choice to leave.

3 years ago

Thank you Ellen and Elaine for posting your experience. Also, as I understand you both succeded to get out from your bad situation and I am happy to hear that. What I would like to ask from you that please don't forget that we are talking about as Dianne wrote "... we are talking about 'victims from the high middle and from the high income families'. So, I think, you can imagine that very few people believe this. We already succeeded to get help for the women from the low income families. One more thing, at the moment a woman finds out that she is going through domestic economic abuse, she has to stop working. Because it turns out, that the husband every minute can 'put on her' a 'huge loan' that he himself gets out, without the knowledge of his spouse." First, today, there is a possibility that a 'husband/wife' can get out a 'huge loan', without the knowledge of his/her spouse.  Second, we are talking about a 'really huge loan'.

Anonymous
3 years ago

I realize my story gives the impression that I was not high income, but that's not the case.

3 years ago

I posted a comment after receiving your email this morning, but obviously something went wrong somewhere. No worries.
My post was along the same lines as Elaine's.
After being "reminded" that we were talking about "high middle to high income", my thought was what do you think I used to pay for the upkeep of 30+ animals, foodstamps?
We are talking about 1978, and at that time 50-60K a year was pretty decent money where I lived!
Yes, I guess I am a little offended. I just don't think that this site should put people in a "income caste" system.
And since now I live on disability, I will be patient and wait for the next story that involves us poor people before I post my 2 cents worth.

3 years ago

Very Relevant and much needed information :-0 Thanx so much for posting and continually putting out there Koty :-)

Thank you Barbara for appreciating the updated info
3 years ago

Thank you Barbara for appreciating the updated info about the existence of Domestic Economic Abuse at the USA. Dear members I would like to tell you again that this section of our group publishing is about "More sites about domestic economic abuse at the USA". Also I would like to thank again for Elaine for posting here the updated info. And also I would like to thank to all the people at the USA who are working on publishing the existence of Domestic Economic Abuse!

3 years ago

Dear Koty, thank you for suggesting this forum to me. I think it is very important for people to know what is happening. My opinion is that the organization should be international. This help is needed everywhere!!! I saw the video on your profile and I was shocked that this is happening in Israel. For me Israel was always country where they treat male and female equally. Seems like I didnt know too much.

3 years ago

I would like to thank again for Elaine for posting here the updated info. And also I would like to thank to all the people at the USA who are working on publishing the existence of Domestic Economic Abuse!

3 years ago

Please allow me, to thank again for all the people at the USA who are working on publishing the existence of Domestic Economic Abuse!


Elaine H.
3 years ago

I think that was something else! I know EXACTLY how you feel. I wish my decision didn't concern more than myself and my dog.
Whoever thought this would happen? As they say, Mean People Suck.

3 years ago

Great info. Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous
3 years ago

Noted. . .

More sites and testimonies about domestic economic abuse at the USA
3 years ago

 

Dear members please play attention to the thing that our group goal is to raise awareness of the existence of domestic economic abuse also at the 'high midlle and at the high income families'. 

 

We already succeeded to get help for the women from the low income families. 

 

It is also important to know that at the moment a woman finds out that she is going through domestic economic abuse, she has to stop working. Because it turns out, that the husband every minute can 'put on her' a 'huge loan' that he himself gets out, without the knowledge of his spouse. 


Please see also the following page that tells about the existence of DEA also at the USA:

http://www.uncfsp.org/projects/userfiles/File/DCE-STOP_NOW/NCADV_Economic_Abuse_Fact_Sheet.pdf

 

 

Also as you can see the 'remarks' on our voting page -

 

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/domestic-economic-abuse/

 

many women going through the same thing as I do. Here I am qouting # 1515 voters "This happened to me to the point that I ended up homeless...my prayer is that it should never happen to anyone, ever again. That won't happen as long as the abusers have free reign to continue the abuse with no consequences." Because what #1515 wrote, we need to continue to fight against DEA. From what #1515 wrote you can learn that if I do not want to end up homeless I do have to live in the same house where my abuser live. Also I can not apply to get a divorce because what I wrote above happened to me also. My husband already 'put on me' a 'huge loan', without my knowledge. I do not have any money to pay back that 'huge loan'.

 

So as you can see "there are no ways to put a stop 'to such things'".

 

There is just one thing to do and it is : to stop DEA! Stopping DEA includes 'asking' our parlament to accept our suggested law against DEA. To 'ask' our parlament to accept our suggested law we need to gather more than 10000 signaturas on our petition!  

 

 



This post was modified from its original form on 07 Oct, 21:38
Economic Abuse?
3 years ago

Koty,it is happening all over the world, but especially in the USA. I love how you claim the poor lower class has been help and therefore we should concentrate on the middle and the upper.
I guess you do not realize that if it wasn't for us very economic abuise poor. There would be no rich or middle either.
I take it you meant me to talk about one part of a couple economically abuising the other?Well Ifeel you are not touching on the real problem Credit and debit cards. anyone can get them and they quickly drain the person by their charges just for the priviledge of having them. everytime you use them you are charged and charged .A dirty littgleed secret about credit cards are everytime you use it ,you renegociate your loan with said company,and those debit cards take far more out of your own monies then personal checks could ever dream,and you do not even know it. Don't try to blame He Or She for this travisty. Put the blame where it belongs the entitdies laughingly called banks. They are not banks.They are money grabbing uncaring monsters.They prey on HE ,SHE, and ITS who want TO LOOK MODERN and feel equal or better over their neighbors, so they sign a pact with thee devil on the dotted line. Sure maybe the He tops thee SHE in knowing more about life,but the SHE also gets the same Credit or Debiit card ,and off they go to the poor house/homelessness.. I hope you know money troubles get break up a HE SHE THING quicker then you can say compound interest. Hey you do know domestic suicides are up right? Finances put the bullet in the gun. They should have bells and whistles attached to all credit and debit machines ,like the old cash registers ,so you could hear yoou money saying goodbye. But they don't,They do have secret decoder numbers that you punch in to insure thatt you money is taken. extra charges,interest and all. And one day one too many bills Arrive at your mail box or c omputer site ,and you look at each other and blame each other, then words fly, perhaps dishes or fists,but the credit ,and debit cards still get their plus.
Another example? Say a couple looks at a house,The agent says its you,and heor she pumps them up with the great american dream speech ,tells them all the glories and none of the pitfalls. So they go to a so called bank, Same thing happens ,because The bank will own the property,plus be getting the price of the overinflated residence,and don't forget all the extra charges incurred, plus most likely a kickback from the suggested home owners insurance corporation. Bingo Bango They move in and start to realise the cost is too much for them to handle, so probably one or both take on another job,then again the HE and SHE are staryting to blame the other.
OKAY enough Now the question is there any solution to the problems. NOPE! outside of both of them usiing their common sense and running away from the montsters,perhaps living in aan old rundown dwelling ,driving an old vehicle until it dies, and forgoing anything new that cannot be paid in cash or on a one month chargge. Ah but the HE AND SHE will have a more blissful life together,with the only other worry of anothje HE OR SHE breaking them up . Last to go back to the REASL not corporate sponseredf AMERICAN DREAM. If of course if anyone can rember that far back. One last suggestion forgo cell phones they are becoming another monster .

More sites and testimonies about domestic economic abuse at the USA
3 years ago

Dear Michael, please take a look on the following post:

 

You can see on the following page that tells about the existence of DEA also at the USA:

http://www.uncfsp.org/projects/userfiles/File/DCE-STOP_NOW/NCADV_Economic_Abuse_Fact_Sheet.pdf

 

Please pay attention that it does not talk at all about 'low income families'. 

 

Dear members please play attention to the thing that our group goal is to raise awareness of the existence of domestic economic abuse also at the 'high midlle and at the high income families'.  

 

We already succeeded to get help in Israel with regards of domestic economic abuse for the women from the low income families. 

 

It is also important to know that at the 'high midle and at the high income families' in Israel, at the moment a woman finds out that she is going through domestic economic abuse, she has to stop working. Because it turns out, that the husband every minute can 'put on her' a 'huge loan' that he himself gets out, without the knowledge of his spouse. 

 



This post was modified from its original form on 22 Oct, 7:04
3 years ago

 

19 hrs ago

I am astounded that Toddlers in Tiaras is not mental abuse on a child. When they are crying and actually saying " I do not want to do this", and are forced cheap media makes a buck on misery.


This post was modified from its original form on 03 Nov, 12:27Tiaras is not mental abuse on a child. When they are crying and actually saying " I do not want to do this", and are forced cheap media makes a buck on misery.



This post was modified from its original form on 03 Nov, 12:27
Considering Survey materials
3 years ago

Thank you for your gracious invitation. Yet, as a stranger to this issue,
but formally trained in Statistical Sampling methods, I see that this form of
Spousal or Partner Abuse does occur. I witnessed an example in
the gender-reversed case; a man economically abused by his spouse, so I
believe this problem exists and can be perpetrated by either party of an
economic alliance. What concerns me is that the materials presented are
either not quoted well or may not be carefully managed to the rigor needed
for a fully useful Statistical Illustration of the issue.

By saying this, I am not saying the problem is not real or the need
compelling. What I am saying is that badly presented or incompletely processed statistics can cause an adverse reaction to a just cause. A person hoping to be persuaded in favor of the cause may in fact perceive a contrary suspicion. "Are the
advocates so committed that the truth is a disposable obstruction to their
chosen path?" To avoid this, in your materials, I would be glad to offer
constructive comments. Again, I am not opposed to the notion but rather in
favor of addressing it in its most accurate light.

Working with me, though I may be critical may suggest effective analysis
approaches or new questions that might better capture the truth of this
problem for presentation, persuasion, decision support or improved
practicality in prevention and intervention.

3 years ago

Dear Don, please take a look on the following post:

 

 

You can see on the following page that tells about the existence of DEA also at the USA:

http://www.uncfsp.org/projects/userfiles/File/DCE-STOP_NOW/NCADV_Economic_Abuse_Fact_Sheet.pdf

 

Please pay attention also that the above research does not talk at all about 'low income families'. 

 

 

Dear members and Don please play attention to the thing that our group goal is to raise awareness of the existence of domestic economic abuse also at the 'high midlle and at the high income families'.  

 

We already succeeded to get help in Israel with regards of domestic economic abuse for the women from the low income families. 

 

It is also important to know that at the 'high midle and at the high income families' in Israel, at the moment a woman finds out that she is going through domestic economic abuse, she has to stop working. Because it turns out, that the husband every minute can 'put on her' a 'huge loan' that he himself gets out, without the knowledge of his spouse. 

3 years ago

I am a former victim of DEA in USA. I am Ukrainian, but I was married to American man and lived with him in USA. It's not easy to get any help, being in other country, with no friends and family.

I'm back to Ukraine now. My ex did everything to prevent me from staying in USA. I had a Green Card which expires at 2018, so I had right to stay in USA, but I had no work, no income and nowhere to go. When I insisted on divorce, my ex destroyed my cell phone, disconnected home phone and Internet, to make sure that I will not try to find job and will not be able to call to police. He was sure that once divorced I'd find another man and that's what he did not want most of all- to let other American to get me... what a frick! That was also the reason to limit my access to Internet and phone, I could call home from his cell under his supervision.

So he got me flight ticket to Ukraine, where I have family, my own apartment, friends anf possibilities to work. I'm doing fine now. This nightmare would not happened to me here, in Ukraine, because I'm not alone here and know where to look for help. If men in my past tried to control me- I dumped them very fast; I had just to pack my belongings and go back to my place. It was very different in USA because I was fully dependant on my ex husband and he definitely took advantage of it!



This post was modified from its original form on 11 Nov, 2:30
3 years ago

Elena, I am so happy to read that you succeded to get out from this hard situation. Thank you so much for sharing with us your story. 

GOOD FOR YOU,ELENA
3 years ago

 IT TAKES SO MUCH COURAGE,TO LEAVE YOUR LIFE, AND BEGIN,AGAIN

YOU WILL BE MUCH BETTER OFF...

MAKE EACH DAY, A NEW BEGINNING.

LOVE YOURSELF,NO ONE ELSE CAN,UNTIL YOU DO....

KUDOS TO YOUR BRAVERY

3 years ago

Tasunka, That's part of the healing process in order to move ahead with your life in leaving everything behind except the clothes on your back. Obtaining things you had at the time only will make it harder to heal due to memories. It's best to heal without things that will distract or spark a memory. It's never easy starting over especially when you have to find yourself again in order to find your freedom and the real you that was taken away from you. You have Wit,Courage and Power to make a difference. Like when a baby falls, they get up and go on even tho the scar will always be there.

3 years ago

Koty, Tasunka and Phillip- Thanks for kind words!

I've had some unpleasant experience while in USA but my situation was not too bad in comparisson to other immigrant women. Very often American husbands are threatening their immigrant wives with divorce with the sole purpose of manipulation and control. They are thinking that she'd tolerate abuse, control and humiliation because she'd never want go back to her country. In some cases it's true. In my case it was different. I've kept my apartment in Ukraine, my connections with family and friends. The threats like "I'll send you back to your f***ing country" had no effects on me; moreover, after several month I was very dissapointed in my marriage and my lifestyle in USA (it did not meet my expectations and it was too far from what this man promised to me), so at times I wanted to go back. My ex blamed me for wanting divorce. When I reminded him that he was the one raising this topic every time we had disagreements, he said that in reality he did not want divorce, he expected that once I hear "divorce" word- I'd ask him for forgiveness and will do whatever he wants; he did not expect that I'd say "OK, let's do it" So, he admited about his attemps to manipulate! Finally, one day he used "divorce" as the way to manipulate again, and I said that now  it's time to put an end to this failed marriage for real.  He realised that I was very serious in my intentions, that's why he did his best to turn my life into hell. He've never laid a hand on me but verbal/emotional abuse was terrible. He could shout at me for 2-5 hours in a row!!! At times I just wanted to grab a knife... or hammer. Thoughts about my 2 cats kept me from commiting a crime. If I go to prison- who would take care of them? And ruining my life over one frick with mental problems would be stupid. Life will punish this person one day... maybe he is being punished already. He had been married 3 times before me and he blamed his wives. He definitely had not learned a lesson from his mistakes. I haven't seen him since August 2009 and I'm very happy. Here, in Ukraine,I have a life, job that I like very much (veterinarian), respect and recognition of pets owners, support and understanding of my family and friends... and leading the lifestyle that I want.

As I said before, most of foreing brides/wives are not so lucky... they were looking for a better life in another country but got the life filled with abuse, control and manipulations instead.

 

3 years ago

Elena, thank you for your new post also. Please pay attention to what I wrote at the beginning on our group page... that is "... at the moment a woman finds out that she is going through domestic economic abuse, she has to stop working!!! Because it turns out, that the husband every minute can 'put on her' a 'huge loan' that he himself gets out, without the knowledge of his spouse!!! ". What I wanted to ask you... do you went through the above type of abuse also? 

3 years ago

Koty, I've never worked while being married, so my ex could not burden me with loan. He got all his big loans before marriage; during marriage he got a loan on a car. For sure he would not be able to put a car loan on me, simply because I can't drive and I have not driver licence.

As I mentioned before, DEA took place during several month that preceeded our divorce.

He cut on my "pocket money", disconnected home phone and internet and destroyed my cell phone.  He said that I did not need much money, because there is food at home and I can eat all I want, that I already had enough clothes, and if I need something- I should tell him and he'll buy it if he'd thinks that I really need it.

My ex paid "divorce fee" and all expences related to my trip home, including travelling papers for our 2 cats. 

 

Some immigrant wives could not dream even about roof over their heads and food on plates...

3 years ago

Koty and Elina M. very heart touching as many women go through that and are used at the same time. My neighbor went through that as he was cheating on her for 23 years. He is now 66 and has a five year old from another woman and she told him it's not her problem. My neighbor is going to college through student loans and doing quite well compare to the life she did have where she was controlled 24/7. She's her own woman now.

3 years ago

Elena, thanks again for your answer. I would like to ask you that please look at our publishing here:

http://www.care2.com/c2c/share/detail/2585434

What you can see at the material published there, is that DEA has 3 stages.

During most stages of the DEA the ruler's spouse lives under the false impression that her mate enables her equal usage of the mutual asset, including her personal income.

 

The misinterpretation results from the fact that the ruler by different manipulations brings his wife to a situation where she needs to ask him for all of her personal and family expenses.

 

He gives her a given sum that he thinks that she needs.  

Ruling the family assets by the husband alone, takes place during all the marriage. 

I found out that there is a difference between the type of DEA that victims go trhough at the rich families and at the poor families. 

According what I found by interviwing hundreds of vitims, both at the rich and poor families, DEA contains three stages.

 

At the beginning we can find the "Stage of the outrageous thrift, [savings]". Then comes the "Stage of extreme stinginess" then finally arrives the stage of "Stage of economic terror". 

It is important to notice that at the rich families at the final stage, at the "Stage of Economic Terror" there is a great possibility that the abuser will take out a huge loan at the moment that the abuser feels  that his victim found out that she is going through DEA.

 

At that case  the victim has to stop working. The reason for that is, according what I found, that the abuser every minute can 'put on his victim' a 'huge loan' that he himself gets out, without the knowledge of his spouse. 

 

So in order to help those women who are suffering just from DEA we need also detectives who are expert on finding places where the money went and lawyers who are expert to get back the money that belong to the family and thus to the wife also. The detectives and the lawyers have to have licence to work in many countries in the world. And we do not have money to hire these people. 

 

Elena, as I understood from what you wrote, you went through 'just' the "Stage of Economic Terror"... without the 2 previous stage? And without putting on you a huge loan? 

3 years ago

Jon, because I do not qiete understand the thing you wrote let me ask you the following quetion. If I may ask you when you tell the story of your neighbor whose husband was cheating on her for 23 years, you are saying that her husband left his wife when she reached her 66 years? Thank you in advance for your answer. 

3 years ago

Koty, she left her husband after 23 years of marriage cause he wasn't faithful as she is very religious. He is now 66 and has a 5 year old by another woman as she found out as they still talk every so often as just friends only cause he is the father to my neighbors grown kids. He was very abusive and controlling. Through our friendship as she is my neighbor I have help her to regain her freedom to be who she is and to stand up strong. She goes to college  as she has always wanted to do and church as well. I even loan her my car so she is able to.

   Forgive me Koty is I didn't make sence. She is a different race than I but that doesn't make any difference through friendship.

3 years ago

Jon, thank you so much for your answer and clarification.

3 years ago

Koty, DEA at the USA pops up http error...! :-(

3 years ago

Hi Jon, I asked also others to check out the DEA link, and it works fine at the US also... here it is:

http://www.uncfsp.org/projects/userfiles/File/DCE-STOP_NOW/NCADV_Economic_Abuse_Fact_Sheet.pdf

3 years ago

Hi Koty...! I'll have to get my neighbor who is a computer tech to get me a program to open the file Economic Abuse cause my computer doesn't have the program to open it. Bummer......! But I will comment as soon as he fixes everything for me.

3 years ago

Thanks for posting this article.

3 years ago

Hi Danuta, I've answered your post at the new thread.  


Here's the link:

 

3 years ago

Here's the link for the new thread - that I opened because this tread started to be too long...

 

Posts about DEA at the USA and Canada ~ 2

 

 



This post was modified from its original form on 20 Dec, 23:22