Hey--Hey....Canadian joke thread here.
Don't get too adult because there are youngsters in this group, but please feel free to contribute.  

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A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?"
"I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.
"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."

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You May Be From Canada If…

You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk."

You understand the phrase, "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."

You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.

You drink pop, not soda.

You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean.

You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.

You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.

You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!

You know what a touque is.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed" not "Zee".

Your local newspaper covers the national news on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.

You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter, and roadwork.

You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.

You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan." (Sas-Kat-chew-wan)

You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada."

You were in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

"Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary and more polite than, "Huh?"

You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all of your Canadian friends! Then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them...further

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                                                Taxi talk

Bob Marshall from Bushey, Hertfordshire, was a cab driver for many years. This is a little story he experienced one day:

Prior to retirement I was driving my London black cab when an American Lady hired me to take her to 8 Cornwall Gardens, Kensington. It so happened that I had been reading a biography of Field Marshal Montgomery and I just learned that he had , in his early life , lived at that very address. On ascertaining that the American lady lived there, I told her that this had been the previous address of one of our most famous military commanders " Field Marshal Lord Viscount Bernard Law Montgomery of Alemein " . She replied: " Oh really, what flat was he in ? " .

              To John: thanks for the message John. I´ll do so.

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another little one.

The world´s shortest letters were exchanged between  " Victor Hugo ( 1802-85 )" and his publisher. The author was on holiday and wanted to know how his novel was selling...He wrote :   " ? "

The reply was :     " ! "

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This is wierd !

Think of a letter between A and W
Keep it in mind as you scroll down
Think of an animal that begins with that letter
Keep it in mind as you scroll down
Think of a man or womans name that begins with the last letter in the animals name
Now count out the letters in that name with the hand you are not using to scroll with
Take the hand that you counted with and hold it in front of you at face level
Look at your palm very closley and notice the lines in your hand
Do the lines take the form of the first letter in the persons name ?

OF COURSE NOT

Now smack yourself in the head, get a life and quit playing stupid games.

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Hey Sorry about that picture, when i previewed it, it came up ok,

So it should say

THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl

"Will you marry me?"  The girl said "NO"

And the guy lived happily ever after and went hunting and fishing and played a lot of golf, and drank beer and

Farted whenever he wanted.

The End!!

HA HA HA

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Wow, that is very cool.

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(you're gonna love this)

(its a real treat)

( a masterpiece)

(wait for it)

The bank manager looks back at her and says... "It's a knickknack,
Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(You're singing it, aren't you?)

Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned, I know you
did!!!

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Q : What does a Canadian say when you step on his foot?

A : Sorry!

  It's funny because I did that today -- twice.

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An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of
impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite biscuits
wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen.

Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite biscuits.

Was it heaven?

Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Cape Breton wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards abiscuit at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon

%#&!*% off' she said, 'They're for the funeral.'

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