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Thats Funny Eh ! February 25, 2006 1:29 PM

Hey--Hey....Canadian joke thread here.
Don't get too adult because there are youngsters in this group, but please feel free to contribute.  

Eh

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EH? February 28, 2006 8:24 AM

A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?"
"I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.
"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."

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Are you Canadian? February 28, 2006 8:27 AM





You May Be From Canada If…

You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk."

You understand the phrase, "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."

You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.

You drink pop, not soda.

You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean.

You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.

You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.

You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!

You know what a touque is.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed" not "Zee".

Your local newspaper covers the national news on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.

You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter, and roadwork.

You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.

You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan." (Sas-Kat-chew-wan)

You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada."

You were in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

"Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary and more polite than, "Huh?"

You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all of your Canadian friends! Then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them...further

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 February 28, 2006 2:00 PM

God Created Canada

On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."

God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."

"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"

"Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them."
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anonymous that´s funny Eh ! March 04, 2006 6:11 AM

                                                Taxi talk

Bob Marshall from Bushey, Hertfordshire, was a cab driver for many years. This is a little story he experienced one day:

Prior to retirement I was driving my London black cab when an American Lady hired me to take her to 8 Cornwall Gardens, Kensington. It so happened that I had been reading a biography of Field Marshal Montgomery and I just learned that he had , in his early life , lived at that very address. On ascertaining that the American lady lived there, I told her that this had been the previous address of one of our most famous military commanders " Field Marshal Lord Viscount Bernard Law Montgomery of Alemein " . She replied: " Oh really, what flat was he in ? " .

              To John: thanks for the message John. I´ll do so.

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anonymous that´s funny Eh ! March 04, 2006 6:20 AM

another little one.

The world´s shortest letters were exchanged between  " Victor Hugo ( 1802-85 )" and his publisher. The author was on holiday and wanted to know how his novel was selling...He wrote :   " ? "

The reply was :     " ! "

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Hey, John! March 04, 2006 12:09 PM

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OUCH March 05, 2006 6:54 AM

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Thank you, God,,, March 05, 2006 7:25 AM

... I just found out how perfectly Canadian I really am!  Amen.

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 March 12, 2006 2:24 PM

Hmmm  [ send green star]
 
 April 23, 2006 6:50 PM

This is wierd !

Think of a letter between A and W
Keep it in mind as you scroll down
Think of an animal that begins with that letter
Keep it in mind as you scroll down
Think of a man or womans name that begins with the last letter in the animals name
Now count out the letters in that name with the hand you are not using to scroll with
Take the hand that you counted with and hold it in front of you at face level
Look at your palm very closley and notice the lines in your hand
Do the lines take the form of the first letter in the persons name ?


OF COURSE NOT

Now smack yourself in the head, get a life and quit playing stupid games.

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 April 27, 2006 7:07 AM

A man was sitting at the table eating his breakfast when his wife came up behind him and hit him with a cooking pot.
"What was that for ?" he asked, while rubbing the back of his head.
"That was for the paper I found in your pocket with the name Marylou on it." she answered.
"But darling," he said, "I went to the races last week and Marylou was the name of the horse I bet on."
The wife belived his answer and apologized to him.
The next day the man was sitting at the table and his wife came up behind him and hit him with an even bigger pan, knocking him unconscious.
When he came to he mumbled "Now what was that for ?"
His wife replied, "Your horse called."  [ send green star]
 
One for the boys April 27, 2006 1:31 PM

image5.jpg  [ send green star]
 
 April 27, 2006 4:49 PM

Hey Sorry about that picture, when i previewed it, it came up ok,

So it should say

THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl

"Will you marry me?"  The girl said "NO"

And the guy lived happily ever after and went hunting and fishing and played a lot of golf, and drank beer and

Farted whenever he wanted.

The End!!

HA HA HA

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 April 29, 2006 4:42 PM

0  [ send green star]
 
 April 30, 2006 5:25 PM

Wow, that is very cool.

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 May 01, 2006 6:04 PM

 frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her
nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks
at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is
Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the
Bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain
elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused,
Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and
disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger
out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000, and he wants
to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean,
what in the world is this?"


(you're gonna love this)


(its a real treat)


( a masterpiece)


(wait for it)

 

The bank manager looks back at her and says... "It's a knickknack,
Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(You're singing it, aren't you?)


Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned, I know you
did!!!

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Here's a silly one. March 18, 2008 5:20 PM

Q : What does a Canadian say when you step on his foot?

A : Sorry!

  It's funny because I did that today -- twice.

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Cape Breton Love Story November 22, 2008 5:15 AM

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of
impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite biscuits
wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen.

Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite biscuits.

Was it heaven?

Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Cape Breton wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards abiscuit at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon


%#&!*% off' she said, 'They're for the funeral.'

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Firewood November 22, 2008 5:18 AM

'Hello, is this the Police Office?'

 'Yes. What can I do for you?'

 'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Jack
 Murphy...He's hidin' Marijuana inside his firewood!

 Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but
 he's hidin' it there..'

 'Thank you very much for the call, sir.'

 The next day, twelve St. John's Police Officers descend on
 Jack's house.

 They search the shed where the firewood is kept.

 Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find
 no marijuana.
 They sneer at Jack and leave.

 Shortly, the phone rings at Jack's house.

 'Hey, Jack! This here's Floyd....Did the Police come?'

 'Yeah!'

 'Did they chop your firewood?'

 'Yep!'

 'Happy Birthday, buddy!'

 (Newfies know how to get'er done)

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