Carol, I like your wit, have you any more LOL
Ahhh, Carol. Thank you for taking the heat off for me. These are wonderful. I love the little patient especially. LOL
Carol, these are wonderful and I will be laughing the rest of the day. Thank you so much. Let's encourage everyone to post a joke as they come across one and keep this thread going. Love it.
Way to go, Carol. These were wonderful. Still LOL.
Q. What's the difference between Obamacare and a car battery?
A. The car battery has a positive side.
Sandra, have you anymore this one is short and sweet
Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with blackmailers, tax-evaders, and threats to society. The other's for housing prisoners.
LOL, Sandra, this is so much fun. Keep the humor going and anyone else with some, please feel free to post. We all need a good laugh.
An eager, but not too bright young man, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire himself out as a handyman and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. He went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for him to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The young man said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told him that the paint and ladders that he might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does he realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "That’s his problem, he was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the new handy-man came to the door to collect his money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," he answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," he added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Linda, that is a really good LOL, thank you
Ray, I sense that you are still a little reserved. Don't be, you are among friends here, remember. Just relax and have fun with us; share thoughts, etc. You are welcome as always.
Linda, I am just clad I have loyal friends, just abit edgy at the moment, mind you I was like this when I first joined some weeks ago
Raymond, really good people here on Care 2 shine...in many ways. They are caring, respectful and engaging. When out on the public forum you are among the "sharks, bottom feeders, the dregs of society" who aren't comfortable in civil discussions. They sit behind a computer screen and bully other people. Truth be known, they are alone, unaccepted by their peers, and have personal issues. They feel "powerful" being anonymous and they have no shame in attacking the republicans....for simply breathing. We are better than that and we don't stoop to their level of attacking.
Glad you are here but always be "aware" that most aren't the type of people you would want to be friends with if you met them in person. It's the internet...after all.
Our group attracted the "cream of the crop" in my opinion. We would never want to hurt or attack anyone. We are here to exchange opinions and share our sense of humor. We aren't interested in each other's personal lives as that is unimportant. We are here to be ourselves and to be a friend.
Diane, I love this group and you are aware of this, and I love my friend in the group, I always will do because thats me, I want this group go on forever because the members are so easy to get on with and they are so respectable the group never fails in bring a LOL in me for one reason or another, this what I like,
Raymond, personally, I am flattered. Thank you for your genuine expression of friendship to us all. You'll notice that we aren't interested in digging into our personal lives away from the internet. There's a word for that....respect. We respect each other's privacy and enjoy what each of us brings to this group.
We are revealing our true personalities as it pertains to politics, the way we treat and engage with other members and on other fun topics as well. The internet brings out our personalities and that is what I enjoy the most.
Ray, here we go. Another one that I hope brings out the LOL, my friend. I know that I share your feelings about this group, too. It is always refreshing to spend time here and share views. It makes no difference if people agree with me or not; I am learning so much and thoroughly enjoy the members and their contributions.
A Police STOP at 1 A.M. An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body." The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."
A Police STOP at 1 A.M.
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."
True that!!! Good one, LindaC!!
Linda, I alway look forward to your jokes, I do think they are great, mywife reads alot of them, after I have printed them, hope you do not mind, but they do make me Laugh os much, and the same as Linda said, we could have a lousy day then end of the day we have a really good LOL
we have one problem we cannot stop laughing. thank you
Ray, the funniest part of all of this is that my family will tell you that I have a weird sense of humor and I have been kown to be the one that will start to tell a joke and forget the "punch line". To think that people are laughing at jokes I post shows that 1) you are all just being too nice, or 2) your sense of humor has to be worse than mine. LOL No seriously, I have some great friends that I have enlisted to help me keep these flowing; we all need to have a good time and laughter is the best medicine; it keeps us young, too. My Mom is the one that could always keep people laughing and enjoying life; her youngest sister, too, and she is one of the people supplying me with jokes to share.
Glad that people are having some fun; Carol, need your help, girl, please! LOL
This world needs people like yourself Sandra and Carol more today than ever, reading your post, it looks like it runs in your family, to make people laugh, and enjoy life too.
by the way, I just read some post from Diane, I am not been personal, but what is a Pantyhose,
I never heard of the word.
This post was modified from its original form on 18 Sep, 15:20
Ray, pantyhose are women's nylon stockings. Where women used to wear (and some still do) nylons, they have now taken a panty that is of the same nylon material and attached the legs to this so it is one piece. Gosh, I hope I explained that right. LOL Hose being another name for hoisery or nylons and panty making reference to the fact that this is all in one.
Linda, LOL cannot stop, do you mean womens tights, as they are referred today, because how you are explaining the item it sounds like it.
LOL, that is exactly it; just like tights. However, here tights are of a heavier material and not shear like nylons. So, visualize tights by out of the same type of material as nylons are made. Then you have it. How easy and I was making it so hard. LOL
Carol, I always look forward to your wednesday wit at night time mind you I have a job falling a sleep because they are so comical, If I miss you due to sleep, I always go to your thread first as soon as awake on Thurday morning keep the wit coming I love your wit and yourself
CHECK YOUR MAIL
Just wanted to let you know - today I received my 2011 Social Security
Stimulus Package. It contained two watermelon seeds, cornbread mix, a
prayer rug and 10 coupons to KFC. The directions were in Spanish.
Hope you get yours soon
Can't wait to get it!
You just get better all the time. Keep them coming, Carol.
Carol, Don't ever change, I love your Wednesday wit, I have been waiting to read it for, well it seem like months, I am going add this to my collection I think yourself Linda and Sandra are so comical all of you are priceless, thank you
Carol, love them all. Needed that laugh today and you came through. Thank you so much.
Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?
The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would 'hate' to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
Eugene commented: 'I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.'
Al said: 'I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God . Looking up, he asks the Lord.... ' God , what does a million years mean to you?'
Smith asks, 'And what does a million dollars mean to you?'
' O f course, John,' his wife said softly.
'Six months after I die,' he said, 'I want you to marry George.'
'But I thought you hated George,' she said.
With his last breath John said, 'I do!'
The man replied, 'My wife is poisoning me.'
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, 'How can that be?'
The man then pleads, 'I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?'
The Rabbi then offers, 'Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know.'
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?'
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, 'Take the poison'
Twenty. One to change it; Three to do an environmental impact study; Two to ensure that Affirmative Action criteria are being met; One to liaise with the Unions; Five to grumble about how the Republicans were trying to keep everyone in the dark; Two to get an abortion to celebrate the occasion; Three to hold a press conference calling attention to their accomplishment and proclaiming how much more brightly the bulb would be shining if we elected more Democrats to office; and three to pass a law banning incandescent light bulbs, because they cause global warming. However, when it's all over, everyone is still in the dark because the Democrats don't have enough sense to flip the switch.
Sandra, that was so wonderful. Made the day for me. Actually, almost makes you feel sorry for them, doesn't it? Not Really!!!!
Sandra where have you been, I have been waiting for your jokes I was only saying to Carol it feels like months have not heard a good joke, then Carol came up with her lovely wit yesterday, then today a double helping from Linda and yourself Sandra I could not wait that long again, it a joy to read and look forward to more LOL. thank you.
Carol, you are priceless and just what the doctor ordered on what is, for this area, a rainy Wednesday. I love these and they give so much fun to friends that I forward them to, as well. The vote is in; please don't stop posting these anytime you desire as they are priceless bits of humor. Thank you, thank you!!!
Thank you, Carol. Loved your big toothy grin at the end!! What would we do without you????
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race
again, and it won
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby Convent..
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted!
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she
sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the papers read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the
donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the
The moral of the story is ....
bring you much grief and misery. It can even shorten your life..
..So be yourself and enjoy life to the fullest.
Stop worrying about
everyone else's ass and
you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
Carol, you are priceless,
Thank you, Sandra, this were wonderful....loved old Archie and Edith!!
I'm going to close this thread because it is rather long and please put up a new Wednesday Wit thread when you are ready. Thanks for bringing us this humor...we need it.