Love Handles Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie. "Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!" she exclaimed. "No," said the genie, "You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish." "Let's see," says Monica, "I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage. And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want. I would like to get rid of these love handles, though. Yes, that's it, for my one wish, I would like my love ( that ) word was LOVE handles removed." Poof! And just like that......
her ears were gone.
36 have been accused of spousal abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad checks
117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
8 have been arrested! for shoplifting
21 currently are defendants in lawsuits,
84 have been arrested for drunk driving
in the last year !
Can you guess which organization this is?
Is it the NBA Or NFL?
Neither, it's the 535 members of the
United States Congress
The same group of Idiots that crank out
hundreds of new laws each year
designed to keep the rest of us in line.
Well I suppose that should surprise us, but when you realize how well the POTUS was vetted, then you have to realize that if they vet the rest of these misfits, proportionately, none of them had anything investigated at all ?? Possible - Probable. LOL LOL
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
Frank, that was great and I know a couple of attorneys that I would love to send it to, actually. Thank you so much for starting the week off for us with a laugh.
Thanks, everyone, keep 'em rollig!
*An Italian woman was leaving a convenience store with her espresso when she noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian woman walking a dog on a leash.
Behind her, a short distance back, were about 200 women walking single
file. The woman couldn't stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the Italian woman walking the dog and said:
"I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
''What happened to him?"
"He yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed him."
She inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"
The Italian woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."
A very poignant and touching moment of Italian sisterhood and silence passed between the two women...
"Can I borrow the dog?"
The woman replied, "Get in the line."
LOL!! Love those Italians!! Seems a few women needed that dog....
Frank, that made my day. Where was this lady and her dog when I needed them? LOL