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Passion vs. Love May 24, 2004 7:48 PM

First let me start by saying I love men (alot). I have had good men in my life that have loved me dearly, yet I have never been in love myself. Please trust that I am not complaining, I am a very passionate woman. Some people need love and comfort, some need heat and passion. I am of the latter. I'm sure I have left myself wide open here for judgement and crytisim, but what I'd really like to know is what's more important to you, the love and comfort, or the heat and passion? I know I'm not in the majority on this, I just want to know if anyone feels the same. SassyJezebel  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
love lasts May 26, 2004 3:02 PM

After a lifetime of short-term passions with women in NYC and Scandinavia, I want a long-term love nearby or living with me in Tarrytown. In the meanwhile, I am very close with a faraway woman in Puerto Rico. Glad to discuss both sides with you.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Thanks Jay May 26, 2004 3:25 PM

What a wonderful response.......  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 May 27, 2004 11:29 AM

I would have to say.. I want it all, The love, comfort , heat and passion. Heat and passion are usually found In the beginnings of a relationship. Just like a new candy bar on the store shelf. once you have eaten it. It becomes something you know, and if you liked it, something familiar. Therefor deminishing some aspects of the heat and passion originally felt. At this point, do you look for another new and different candy bar? some do. Depends on each individuals personal needs. For me when the heat and passion starts to deminish. I want the love and comfort to kick in. Thus fueling my needs for heat and passion and triggering my creative thoughts to bring heat and passion back into the relationship. I my self cant be fulfilled by either or. i have to have it all.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
But like you said...... May 27, 2004 11:34 AM

The passion deminishes, so having it all for only a certain amount of time, and then being content with what's left isn't really having it all.......  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Passion vs. love May 29, 2004 12:02 PM

I love men a lot as well. Howevever, having become a statistic thru an ugly, acrimonious divorce in which I truly got the short end of the stick, it's really hard to trust that I'll ever find a man who shares my ideals on what a loving/passionate relationsip is. Am currently with a man I fell in love with in 1975 or earlier, moved to CA with in '77 and reunited in '99. We know each other too well, if that's possible. The love we have for each other is unquestionable; problem is the relationship is tempestuous, diabolical and dramatic. I'm getting tired. My passionate side wants all the trappings of "the ideal romance" e.g trust, loyalty, respect. I don't feel I'm getting any of it. Maybe it's because I give too much and eat it when criticized. I'm tired of the things we argue about "always being my fault" & fighting. I'm tired of trying to be "right." Don't care about that anymore. Extremely passionate about most things, in the love arena, I'm burning out & really beginning to question whether there is such a thing as a "life partner." For those that seem to have it, I remain skeptical. This guy thinks that material things & cooking me dinner is enough. It's his way of showing he cares. I'd give it all up for a lifetime of laughter, fun and an ease with one another. Seriously thinking of taking a lover on the side, making the parameters really clear: no involvement other than passion and spur of the moment fun. No ties, not expectations, blah, blah. Welcome your further thoughts.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
anonymous  May 29, 2004 1:45 PM

Yo If ur hott and wanna get with me email me @ I'm a sexy male.  [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
Is that supposed to turn me on?............. May 29, 2004 2:21 PM

How lame.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 May 29, 2004 3:15 PM

hahaha joey joey joey.. ummmmmmmmmm... no  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Passion vs. love May 29, 2004 3:47 PM

yo joey, get a life. yuck...  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 May 29, 2004 4:25 PM

Yeah Sicko!  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Passion vs. love May 29, 2004 5:24 PM

perhaps we can change the course of this discussion? how about some input as to what to do when really frustrated and needing, not only to see, but to be seen & felt (no pun intended)...  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
I'm in..... May 29, 2004 5:30 PM

Unfortunately I'm not exactly sure what you're getting at, do you mean lonliness?  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
passion vs love May 30, 2004 7:58 AM

Yes, in a way...more along the lines of frustration. Rather than compulsively do something destructive to fill a void, find a person with similar interests, that you can feel comfortable with. Not to cry on their shoulder either. In other words, stay away from the "wounded bird syndrome" and just get out, be with someone who appreciates you for who you are, accepts you for it as well. Non-judgemental...all that.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
anonymous, which is it>? May 30, 2004 11:29 AM

Anonymous, Which is it. Are you a Male or a Female>? In one group you insist that you are a Female, in here you say that your Male. Are you confussed>?lmao! Did you go to Trinadad to become a TriniMom>? lol. Whichever you are, I still accept you!  [ send green star]
Hi Steve May 30, 2004 11:36 AM

I'm having a blast here!  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
love or passion May 30, 2004 11:48 AM

I think this discussion assumes that we all define these terms in the same way! For discussion? By the way, I had to rewrite this, so it's a bit choppy now. The text deleted by mistake. This is how I define Love: Love is an investment of Trust, Validation, Respect, Kinds, Caring, Concern, Interest, Selflessness, etc. Love is built with these investments over time. Over time the product of these investments creates safety, security, and becomes Sacred and something that is jointly protected. This is how I define Passion: I don't apply passion to people. I think of passion as: something that a person is deeply interested in (for me it has always been people and culture), something that a person is deeply connected to and profoundly affects their soul (and often a person cannot live without: 'I need to do it, it's just like breathing'- for me it is dance, I feel whole, alive and connected when I dance); and passion as equated to sex (in the heat of passion- lust? desire? but not love). Since I have always felt passionate about specific things, is it an innate or learned interest? Is it an innate gift? Will these passions be forever? I think that what we are passionate is conditional to what is in our lives (what surrounds us, what we choose to surround ourselves with, how we lives our lives, how we think and perceive, etc). We look at our options, and choose. There have been times in my life when I had major priority changes, and did not do what I was passionate about (I thought I would die!). I always thought that my passions would always be there, but I have realized that if you don't do what you are passionate about, you will lose your passion. You will feel differently about it. Maybe under different circumstances, I will enjoy painting again. This leads me to believe that timing, our circumstances, and what is available to us plays a big part in what we are passionate about. I am unable to think about passion in terms of being passionate about a person! I can however think of being with someone I love and doing something that we are both passionate about! And this something could be sex! hahaha But somehow, I think what you invest will bring the feelings a person will be satisfied with. If not, I think that our perceptions and outlook on life must be skewed and must be addressed. It's like the longer you focus on what you don't have, the more you forget the reality of what you do have. Maybe it is solely our perceptions of what a relationship ought to be (defined by misguided definitions of passion) that is to blame. Those initial feelings of romance, and desire are replaced by security, and if passion is not nurtured/developed as well, we feel empty etc. So to answer your question: love. With love you can have passion, provide you choose a person who you enjoy, like, and with whom you can do things you are both passionate about. I really do believe that we have skewed ideas about the meaning of passion. It warrants research.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Heidi........ May 30, 2004 11:52 AM

Great feedback, thank you. As far as research goes, if everyone understood the question, there's no need to split hairs.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
passion vs love May 31, 2004 8:33 AM

here here, Heidi. This is a great site & a lot of fun to read/be part of...I love to dance as well. In fact, studied for years & became a Balletomain(?) Collected relics from the San Francisco Ballet. 1st was a bit of a snob because I studied in NY. As time went on, watched the SF Ballet grow & become world renowned. Fantastic choreography, incredible soloists/guests. Was a fantastic part of my life. Now suffer from old dance injuries, but stretch like a rubber band and miss being a season ticket holder (that all ended with my marraige). Yoga is a passion I can't live without & practice on my own every day in a sort of improve dance while doing my thing. Painting is also something I'm passionate about, but don't do enough of. Lately have started a number of projects - leaving them 1/2 finished. as far as love - I do love the guy I'm with, but he's a pill. Italian/American with the idea that women are to be somewhat "owned". Extremely jealous/possessive. O yeah that works with a triple Aries...Keep reminding him, Tony Soprano you're not. He's a good provider; albeit why do I have 2b reminded that he brought me this, or cooked me that? Isn't thank you - I love it enough?? Trying to stick it out...sometimes I think we just know each other too well...  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
what I meant by research (I ran out of space) May 31, 2004 7:52 PM

It's very interesting to know when and how words change in meaning- are reinterpreted throughout history. I think it's important to know this because how a word is interpreted affects our beliefs, attitudes, outlook, and even our actions today, and most people are unconscious of this. It is something that I have come accross repeatedly during my studies. The first thing we always had to do was start off by defining our terms before we started to address the question!  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Tony Soprano you're not..........lmao June 01, 2004 9:41 AM

Sorry to hear things are not quite up to your expectations or wishes. I guess that's why I'm into 'liter' relationships. I don't want it to be 'hard' emotional/metal work to be in a relationship. Unfortunately I'm just not that giving. I'm a very dreamy Pisces waiting for that perfect 'cosmic' Hmmmmm, Still waiting!.... :o)  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 June 01, 2004 9:33 PM

O Sassy - you'll love this. The guy I'm with gave me a lovely jade bracelet for my birthday last April. Knowing stones/jewelry pretty well & well-versed in the metaphysics thereof, I was initially touched by the piece, but suspected it wasn't quite right. It broke, I brought it back, the jeweler replaced it and I went in again (looking for more "bling blings") & telling the sales gal, I know this piece will do the same how about an exchange. She agreed. My guy & I had a fight, so I picked out something incredibly beautiful (& more expensive, of course). Carmella I'm not...but it sure feels good, hee hee. Heidi - I enjoy reading your take on things and agree with a lot of it. I just needed a break today - too much reality out there & it wasn't pleasant...  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Alison!!!!!! June 02, 2004 12:22 AM

WOW! I can't believe you did that, you make me so proud!........You're starting to rock again Alison, just run with it.......make yourself laugh (and me)...make yourself feel good......and be true to your self.........and never forget to tell me about it lol. ((((hugs))))  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 June 02, 2004 9:33 PM

Sassy, i can't stop laughing when I read your responses. You'd better be careful because you'll get me on a roll & it may annoy our other friends...apologies in advance. One of these days I'm going to post my photo so you can see me laughing. It's the wierdest thing-I can't do it because I don't have enough patience. But then there are photo's that are even funnier than me laughing, like my son Elliot with my ruby-red helmut on ringing our (fake) duck's neck while I'm picking carrots!! Do you like gardening?  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Careful............... June 03, 2004 12:19 AM

You know what would happen if you got caught associating with Sassy!....LOL But some things (fun and laughter) are worth the chance. I don't garden and don't have anywhere to garden. A pic' of you laughing would be great, I can give you my e-mail addy. Lots of hugs.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 June 15, 2004 10:28 AM

I suppose it comes down to what truly makes you happy, and if you understand the difference. Many of us go through life being satisfied with temporary happinesses, rather than striving for a permanent one. passion and heat are only sources of pleasure, they alone can never bring you happiness. love and affection from another human being, however, can nurture a great and everlasting happiness, and in the end this is most beneficial.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
It goes together... June 16, 2004 6:41 AM

if i have to choose.. it'll be "love and comfort"... but i do believe that heat and passion go in hand with love if you put in the effort to MAKE IT HAPPEN. For me,i find it so much easier to be open and passionate(very) around a person i love...  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 June 16, 2004 5:31 PM

I agree with Lauri... I guess, though, it depends on the person and their feelings. With me, the passion is important, but can only feel it, when I love, and I fall rather deeply, when I do love. Passion in a romantic sense comes and goes... even with one you love.....but true love weaves through and above it all, if it is mutual. Passion in the sense of passion for a cause, or creativity is another type, which can be just as strong.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
moons and meteors June 17, 2004 8:20 PM

love and comfort vs. heat and passion. must it be an either or? the moon has its own beauty but only reflects light. a meteor puts on a show of blaze and glory. at times i am like the moon and other times the meteor. each has its purpose which must be expressed.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 June 17, 2004 8:46 PM

good comparisons, Alan. I think one can have both, its just that the "passion" may not be as strong at some times, as it is others. (:  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
sex, whatever, & rock & roll June 18, 2004 7:26 PM

I'm over-the-top in the passion department & constantly checking myself. Chemistry...wooo-it's hard to ignore. However, companionship is, in my opinion, all encompassing, ideally. I haven't found it. Relationships with everyone are tough. Relationships with partners? A lot of work. Question is, are you willing? Love this topic.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Alison June 18, 2004 7:33 PM

I reread these posts and I was struck by this comment you made in the 'Passsion vs. love' post: My passionate side wants all the trappings of "the ideal romance" e.g trust, loyalty, respect. I don't feel I'm getting any of it. Wow! These aren't trappings! These are essential elements to any relationship!  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
just an idea June 21, 2004 2:43 PM

just as fire can be constructive (provide warmth and light), it can also be destructive (burn wildly out of control). passion can be like fire. just an idea, but perhaps, love can be the container: open and free enough to allow the passion to be, but also provide foundational boundaries from which to grow and actualize itself.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
well June 21, 2004 8:58 PM

i want it all and if something diminishes than we can work on whats left....  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 June 22, 2004 7:15 AM

amen Austin  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Heidi June 23, 2004 2:01 AM

Thanks for that. I'm jaded and I apologize. I'll probably never marry again because I'm so afraid of being disappointed. My current relationship is ending (again) and it's because I reached that point of saying no and meaning it. Of course, it's all my fault and I am not being heard at all. No, it's not what I want...he just says that to me to make me feel worse, and, furthermore, I found out he's said some pretty lousy things about me. I just shut down after that. I am not vindictive, albeit on a mission to save my a-s-s. It's going to be quite the challenge: no job, no health insurance, no car. Lot's of stuff to sell - good stuff  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Passion vs. Love June 29, 2004 5:38 PM

Good topic Sassy! I think we all go through stages in our lives. At one time I was like you, probably more so. I was more like a man in that I would take what I wanted (I was a real looker when I was first divorced at 27) and wanted nothing but sex not love. The funny thing was that men couldn't stand it, I had more marriage proposals than I care to admit and I wanted none of them! I was a sexaholic. That lasted for quite a few years. I fell in love with a musician who was also a sexaholic and we had great passion and love. But like everything else in my life, it didn't last forever. We were into a lot of different things. He was the most exciting man I have ever been with and I don't ever plan on being with another. So my point is, somewhere in my heart, my love for him still lives and I think his does too but we cannot be together. The best of both worlds is passion and love, of course, and we never lost that. Rare. I guess you just need to follow your heart or your desire and try not to hurt anyone as you go. Peace, Margaret  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Margaret............. June 29, 2004 6:15 PM

Thank you for your post, kind words and honesty.....Sassy  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Keep the faith! June 30, 2004 10:03 AM

I was married to a very good man for 23 years. We had a very comfortable and enveloping love-friendship, combined with sparks of youthful passion that continued throughout our marriage. One day, he came home from work, burst into tears, and told me that he was gay. This kind of incident can totally redefine everything you'd come to recognize and hold as a truth in your life. Suddenly, you question the passion, question the sincerity of the love, question yourself as a woman, question your belief in the things/people you see around you...and worse, question your faith in a happy future. We divorced (obviously), but still love each other (platonically) as friends. We co-parent our children, and remain loyal to each other's memory. I decided that I wanted to LIVE, and be happy on my own, with or without a partner. Right when I very well MIGHT have given up on believing that I could trust love again, (or my own judgement, for that matter!) I met my second husband. My current husband has reaffirmed in me the notion to believe, to trust, to "go for it", and to love again. In our relationship (we're both in our mid-forties), I have discovered love, respect, honesty, sincerity, caring, compassion, forgiveness, negotiation, diplomacy, AND the passion that I'd come to believe was for the young alone. You CAN have it all, but you must be willing to communicate, compromise, be brutally honest, forgive, learn to let go, learn to hold on, and LISTEN to each other. Too many people forget to listen to each other...they sometimes HEAR the other person, but don't listen to the subtleties and nuances therein. We must also listen to our own hearts with great care. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't, and it's our responsibility to fix it. Nobody else can make you happy unless you're able to be happy alone. I believe that happy, confident and "together" people attract each other. By the same token, people with negative energy seem drawn together, magnetically. The needy attract the needy, and the strong attract the strong. Be a strong person, whether you're solo or in a couple. With strength, and self-worth, you can accomplish anything! All the best to all of you, T.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
How wonderfully put.......... June 30, 2004 12:59 PM

You seem very comfortable in you own skin....I admire that......thanks for sharing.......Sassy  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
my take... July 29, 2004 6:31 PM

I recognize a difference between true love, and being "in love"..... I recognize a difference in love and loving..... I find that my sexual/affections/in loves "passions" come and go, seasonally... whether I stay with the same person or change. But there is only one true love.One soul-mate......and once found, no other can ignite the flame enough for it to be noticed... and you have to take the come and go, rising and falling affections with that one person......  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
I want both... July 29, 2004 6:46 PM

and I have both. Both take work. I don't do anything half's the whole pie or nothing!  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Margaret R.... July 30, 2004 7:46 AM

You are STILL a great looker! I had an erotic dream this morning and the woman looked remarkably like you. best wishes Doc  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Glad to join and hi to all! July 30, 2004 10:34 AM

Well at 13 I fell in love with my husband, actually met him at 16, married him at19, had our first son at 20. Four followed, one died at birth. We where both young, he was 23 and became my tutor and guardian as I was a minor, so I left school to marry. We where both handsome, sexy and made the perfect couple. At that time and Country it was not proper that a married woman worked outside the house, the husband should be the provider. So all my Fine Art studies where always pushing me to be creative, even cooking, doing ceramics, painting and then photography. Always against social surroundings that did not agree on my free way of thinking. My husband and I came from broken homes, my mother died when I was 17, so we both wanted to have a perfect marriage. We are very caring and loving and our friends joked about us being and acting like young lovers. We lived in different countries, moved many times because of my husbands work, I was ever so proud of my four boys, good friends among them, always laughing and joking with us. The work of my husband became more and more stressful and the passion subsided, I was sad, lonely, no friends near, and everything collapsed all of a sudden, our eldest son died in a car crash, the company where my husband worked closed, he satarted a busyness of his own and in two years we lost the beautiful house we had and all the savings, my sons and husband decided to start another busyness against my will and not counting with me, love can become hate, and frustration can become agresion and alcholism got hold of my husband. I left him, went on my own to a small town, my kids angry with me because I had left poor Dad did not speak or see me for years, I saw and spoke to my husband for the first time in almost 5 years at the wedding of one of our sons. I was dismayed, by then I had managed to work as a photographer and started my miniatures, I had recovered my self esteem but he was destroyed. And I loved him all over again, and invited him to spend New Year with me and he stayed. Its been 10 years now, he was very sick, had to have a pacemaker, then he had a brain stroke from which he recovered, he is frail but we are happy. We have no passion as when we where kids, but we are one in many ways, after more than 50 years of knowing my husband he still makes me fall with a joke , or I surprise him with an unexpected present. We still enjoy a dinner in the terrace by candlelight and we still have interesting conversations not of past times or family. Romance can be kept alive even when passion is no longer available because of circumstances, but we do tease each other and have many laughs. He could be starting with Alzheimer, we even joke with that, I tell him its so easy to have a conversation with him because if I cant find a new theme I can repeat as he won't remember. I guess we love each other.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Interesting Theme... July 30, 2004 1:13 PM

I like this topic and the messages I have read so far are very interesting. I have a husband I love very much and we have a good, healthy relationship. It is often without passion because passion is something that ebbs and flows and we are sexually incompatible in many ways. Moods and emotions fluctuate and that is part of life. Also, we are there for each other and really care about each other deeply. I do find myself passionate about other things in life. Sometimes I am passionate about another man, but that is just infatuation. I try to learn more about myself so that I can carry that passion to other aspects of my life. I have heard that the study of Tantra is also like that. Sometimes it is hard to be disciplined because infatuation is soo exciting! Part of me feels like that is wrong, that I should not feel that way about someone else, or that I should feel that way more about my husband, but that is not the way it is, and it would be more wrong to jeapordize what I have because of this normal, natural emotion. I think it is just the culture that doesn't teach us how to handle this kind of experience, ignoring it or treating it as if it is something that can be worked on and changed. Why change it if everyone is happy?  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Passion vs. Love July 31, 2004 10:33 PM

Is this still going on? Gee, I thought I covered all the bases. (Just kidding) Well, Chuck! RE: "Margaret R.... Friday, 7:46 AM You are STILL a great looker! I had an erotic dream this morning and the woman looked remarkably like you." You should have seen me then! I forgot your name because I can't see the screen, but to the lady that sometimes feels guilty about having desire for other men, ask Chuck if he does. Men and women do not think the same way about that, IMHO. Anyway, the only other thing I want to say is, as a Christian, Jesus said (to paraphrase) 'there is faith, hope, charity and love, but the greatest of these if love.' Peace, Margaret  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 August 02, 2004 7:32 AM

I have to honestly say I have never felt guilty about feelings towards other men. Not that I've had many. I think I know what you mean, though. No, I have never felt guilty about seeing a lovely woman and feeling aroused. And the term lovely does not imply she looks like J-Lo or whoever is considered a sexual queen these days. Probably the most incredibly desirous woman I ever saw was in her mid to late 60's. She had long white hair, a lean weather beaten face, blue eyes, long legs, long hands, and she was touching and kissing a man (probably her husband) with a smoldering intensity you don't find in young people. I went home and promptly made love to my wife! I fantasized about my wife being this woman. And you know what...I'm getting my wish. My wife's hair is slowly going white. Her face is healthy and strong and lined from long days in the sun...backpacking and hiking. She kisses me slowly. When she does, I like to imagine she thinks I'm Brad Pitt! Chuck  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
I Have finally found both. August 02, 2004 8:34 AM

In my teens I was sex not passion and the want to move away from my 20's it was guilt had 2 children married their father stayed together for 10 plus years for the my 30's I married it was the desire to not be alone anymore...passionless and loveless.Now I am 43 and have finally gotten to know myself,I know what I want and need and what I will tolerate in a mate...and I know what I can give him in return.I have finally found the man I always wanted but did not think existed. I have found love passion and a world of other feelings I never knew existed.So I dont think you have to choose which you want passion vs love.I think you have to find yourself and then choose wisely...hey it only took me 20 some odd years to learn this  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Passion vs. Love August 03, 2004 12:27 AM

Dear Kath, I sincerely hope it lasts and wish you every happiness. I have a history too of course, the ending being, I thought, after finding myself and being happy alone, then meeting 'the man I thought never existed' - talk about run-on sentences! Someone stop me! Anyway I should be in bed. It went sour rather fast and ended slowly and very badly. So I guess my question is, how does anyone ever really know if it is the right person? People change, people deceive, I am not talking about the normal ups and downs. For me, the mate game is over, but I still wonder how does anyone ever really know because I have thought beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were meant to be together and I was so wrong. But that is just me. I am certainly not trying to ruin anyone's parade. My parent's were married for 62 years!  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
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