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What love is all about... September 15, 2004 10:25 PM

Someone just sent this to me and I thought it was so lovely.
      
It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am, when an elderly gentleman, in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation I asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. 

I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer Disease. As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him. "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he patted my hand and said. "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life." True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

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 September 16, 2004 11:08 AM

I knew what love REALLY is about when::::

 a friendship with the man I love became more important to me than my 7 1/2 year relationship with another man.

the man I love got married to anothr woman, but it didnt stop my loving him, for his happiness was more importantto me than my own.

Soul-fusion, and spiritual blending became more important than sex or fun times.

with attraction and affection stripped away, there was something bigger and better underneath.

eternal and internal replaced til death do us part and legal, literal marriage.

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 September 16, 2004 11:13 AM

Diana, that was true love huh.  Wouldn't it be nice if everyone loved that way!  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
Sande & Jude September 16, 2004 2:30 PM

Sande, that is so honourable of you and so lovely to hear.

Jude, yes it would truly make the world a more wonderful place if we loved  in that way.

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 September 17, 2004 8:52 AM

Thanks...

It took me a long time to discover true love... and it still amazes me when i think about it, in comparison to what people call love in this time......

I guess I'm either one of the lucky ones, OR so damn stubbornly perfectionist, maybe just restless after mistakes and being a philosopher, always searching......

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Sande, Judy, Diana September 18, 2004 10:17 AM

Your story made me cry, next year my husband and I will be married for 50 years, but I fell in love with him when I was 13...We have gone through many stages in all that time, now he is 73 and after a brain clog and heart trouble he is still fine, and very handsome! but more and more his inmediate memory is fading, the doctor told me it could be Alzheimer starting...and I panick, will  I be able to endure it?

I have a lot of patience, I can repeat things I just told him again and again, but I see him loosing his intelligence and concentration and I feel such tenderness, because he becomes a child in need and I can be there to help. But other times I rebel, its as if he was leaving meand I love him I dont want to loose him like that, but I will think of the old man of the story. Thanks Diana---Ruth

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 September 18, 2004 10:52 AM

Hi Ruth, I'm really sorry to hear about your husband and what you said is so touching.  It really shows how much you care and love him.  And it also shows the strength you have within yourself and you share that strength with him in everyway. To be together for that many years really proves that true love does exist and thank you for sharing.  Lots of hugs to you both.  And here's a rose for you, for loving so unconditionally;  awesome!  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
Thank you for the rose Judy September 18, 2004 2:07 PM

Not all are roses in 50 years, and we had difficult times and problems. Love changes and develops in different ways but the heart will tell if its worth to go on. Mine did!

Single Rose Ruth 

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 September 19, 2004 12:22 PM

Troubles come in many forms.... but if yr love is true, which it certainly seems to be, youll endure!

there is just something about a real true love that struggles on thru, and keeps going, even if its attacked, trodden on, ignored, put aside, damaged..... a love thats real just keeps on having bursts of new strentgh, over and over.......when things seem a t an end.. POP theyre starting afresh!

When you cant take the drought no more.... take one more step, or a short rest... and youll be filled with water from the fountain of love again.

I have spent hours crying.....hours at the end of it all.... but its never stopped. Always a memory or thought or hope or connection surfaces to burst me into smiles......

With real love, when everything has gone, theres still something left!

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Oh Ruth November 04, 2004 10:41 PM

So sad for you, it is a strange way to lose someone but you will not lose him, he will just become different.  I am sure you can endure it but do make sure you get some help.  There are support groups for carers of Alzheimer's family members.

Sande, thank you for sharing more. You have such tenderness still with your husband...so lovely.

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