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What's on offer: TESTIMONIALS!
11 years ago
| Hot!


MARTY HAS ALREADY SAID IT ALL, SO LET ME JUST QUOTE HIM:



"You want 'em...we got 'em!!!
Here's the scam. This is a care2 testimonial clearing house. You want a testimonial? Here's where you get 'em. FREE!!! That's right, it costs you Zippo, Zed, Nada, Niente, Zilch, Bupkes...NOTHING!!!
I write 'em you, you write 'em, you like 'em, you pick 'em, fill in your name and they get sent. I send 'em, you send 'm, somebody else sends 'em.
Next thing you know, BINGO! BABOOM! You gotcha testimonials up the yinyang. KUDOS INFINITOS!
Sure, it's contrived, immoral, a tad subversive, sure. Sue me."


This is the testies only thread. Post your prefabios here, then go to the request thread to trade them...or sit down in the bar for a well deserved drink and a chat.

And to all of you who has already made wonderful contributions to the 'free testimonials' thread, I would really appreciate it if you copy and past your prefabios over here so we can have them all gathered in one place.










.

11 years ago
Let me get straight to the point... March 21, 2005 5:31 AM
Here is what I got to offer:

1.Believe it or not, this is the guy/gal who handpaints all the M's on the blue M&Ms. Just thought you would like to know..


2. Dear mr/mrs/miss ---------- I know you mean well and want to help people, so I'm writing to you so that you may save your soul before it's too late. Leave politics to the unworthy and come back to the great Ishothosarbelt. Love and peace Anniina


3. There are currently less than ten thousand humanoid individuals alive on this planet who have personal memories of the saber-toothed tiger. I suspect ________to be one of them.


4.Ever so slowely _________ jurisdiction will spread. S/he will eventually dominate the entire universe, wether s/he want it or not.

11 years ago
My latest creations. Tuesday, 12:56 PM

1. ____________ knows the big words, but not how to pronounce them. Instead s/he speaks in little puffs of color that will slip trough your pupils to linger there for days, shamelessly playing with the way you perceive.


2. I saw you drop something on your way home last night. I picked it up after you had disappeared around the corner. It was a receipt from the grocery telling me what you bought for dinner. Salmon and potatoes.Btw I've been following you since last Friday. You are beautiful.


3. This is an ad posted by Anniina to tell you that __________ is currently available in a whole range of different flavours. Be sure to taste them all!


Here are a couple of mine to start with:
11 years ago

1.  ________ has a real way with words.  Even though we practically grew up as neighbours, _______ always sounds like s(he)’s speaking a foreign language!

 

 

2.  ________ is totally unique!  (Or is that eunuch?)

 

 

3.  Please stop messaging me, phoning me, emailing me, writing me and chasing me around the Care2 discussion boards.  This is getting ridiculous, and I’m considering calling the police.  I said “no” already!

 

 

4.  For a great time, call _________.  (I saw that written on the bathroom wall at the club last night!)

Okay ... *sigh*
11 years ago

Now begins the tedious task of moving mine here ... ah well ... it's probably for the best.  That other thread was a bit unruly ...

  1. _____ is the most honest person I've ever met on Care2.  The absolute stench of his/her integrity brings happy tears to my eyes ...
     

  2. When I first saw _____'s beautiful/handsome/sexy avi, my jaw dropped to the floor.  I bent down to pick it up and when I looked up, he/she was gone ...  
     

  3. When I'm extremely stressed out, I come to Care2 and search for _____.  His/her soothing, Zenlike wisdom never fails to place me quickly into a state of lethargy. 
     

  4. There is no purer spirit than that of _____'s. His/her soul is so crystal clear and cleansing that I would recommend a daily _____ colonic.  E pluribus enema! 
     

  5. _____'s bits of wisdom cling to your mind, put down roots, and quickly multiply ... like a singularly stubborn case of head lice. 

The kicker offers and...
11 years ago
here's my TESTIES, including the original three turkeys who sat on the shelf until momentum picked up around here. I've left the dates first posted for collectors(?) and the original sales pitch lines on the first three, now re-numbered -2,-1,0 .All of them are available and recyclable.

Say the word and it's yours. March 02, 2005 6:22 AM
-2. I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, except for ______________________. S(he) makes the sun shine brighter...without all those annnoying carcinogenic ultra violet rays. 


    How 'bout this beauty? March 02, 2005 6:18 AM
-1. Of all the people I've met through care2, ____________________ shows the greatest possibility of bringing peace to this troubled world. 



    Up for grabs. March 02, 2005 6:16 AM
0.___________________ is an incredible person and a fantastic friend. The things s(he) does with hope, prayer, and pipecleaners are an inspiration to us all.
     
    A few more PREFABIOS Sunday, 4:48 AM
1. Everyday in every way _________________________ makes life a little brighter, except for maybe that dry patch around my elbows.

2. Heaven must be missing an angel because that's what _____________________ is. Either that or those weren't portobello mushrooms.

3. If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen.If you can't stand the kitchen drop by ____________________'s place for a nosh. S/he hates kitchens too.

4. Of all the gin joints in all the world, I'm glad _________________ walked into mine. S/He's always good for a drink.


Ok, these are my creations....
11 years ago

1. ____________ began life as my imaginary friend, and I am proud of the way s/he has blossomed as a person in his/her own right, even though my brain is a lonelier place in his/her absence.

2 .__________ is one letter removed from the word for ‘virtue’ in my native language. As it is, it just refers to a small subspecies of freshwater eel, served with frogspawn and cranberry sauce as a local delicacy.

3. Hi __________. Just got an e-mail from your dad. Call him, okay?  You’re adopted.

-

-

4. ___________ is a fine example of the kind of bargains you can find on e-bay

-

-

5. _________, this is the only way I could contact you. The Ambassador has left the hotel. Meet me in the park in one hour. Wear red.

Required ...
11 years ago

.................... is a truly creative person, as witnessed by all of the testimonials s/he has sent me from each of his/her many and varied profiles.

Anonymous
Let's not forget our group effort.
11 years ago
_______ startles everyone with remarkable intuitiveness, inventiveness & inquisitiveness. Mysterious yet revelatory, sensitive and a bit naive, she/he is a fountain of positive energy. If you feel low all you need to do is to inject a dose of ______.
Hehe!
11 years ago

A little little sugar, a little spice, and a little _____.  The makings of a cloying sweet, overly fluffy confection.  Just a little goes a long ... loooooooong ... loooooooooooooong way. 

(^ is it okay to laugh at myself?) 

11 years ago
I think I need more practice but what the hell..here goes.

1) _________is every bit the doe-eyed gamin you would expect too see wandering the wicked streets of Metropolis. Oh no, I'm sorry, that's Batgirl.

2) When the skys are dark & forboding I can always count on _________to come to me and offer with an outstretched hand that umbrella I so urgently needed.

3) Pastrami on Rye, Bread & Butter, Peanut Butter & Jelly, Bacon & Eggs, Pancakes & Maple Syrup..........what was I talking about?

4) His/her words are like those strange hieroglyphics that are found in ancient tombs. You just know if you only understood what the f*uck _____________ was talking about you be such a better person. And your face would probably clear up too!



11 years ago

_____'s definitely one of the most profound people I've met on Care2.  His/her thoughts dig deep into your psyche, creeping slowly up to the surface ... like that wedgie you just can't do anything about right now. 

11 years ago

The Stones, Led Zeppelin, Stevie Ray ... they all ROCK! But they're nothing compared to _____.  He/she oozes coolness, leaving great, drippy blobs of ... I don't even KNOW what ... in his/her path. 

Who wants this one....?
11 years ago
CONGRATULATIONS!!!! You are the 1,000,000th visitor to __________'s profile. Click anywhere or press any key to begin downloading your virus.
11 years ago

____________________ is so open minded his/her brains fell out.  Please send all donations to __________

11 years ago

*sigh*
11 years ago

We really need some fresh, new testies around here ...

Seeing _____'s avi for the first, time, I had that haunting feeling of deja vu.  I just KNEW I'd seen him/her before ... somewhere.  Hmmm ... I was standing in line, waiting to mail a package, perusing the posted notices ... oooohhhh!   

okay...then
11 years ago
5.I had been troubled by the most wretched insomnia until __________________ entered my life. Now I sleep like the proverbial baby...at least when s/he's around.

6.______________________"s fantastic success in the world of prosthetics begs the larger question. Where in heaven did he get those pants?


7.Yeah , right..._________________'s no Albert Einstein but at least nobody's gonna be able to figure out how to make an atomic bomb from his/her doodlings.
11 years ago

* i wake up this morning, and so was that day ruined. if it hasent been for _____ i had get straight to bed again.

*_____ is the coal that start a fire deep down in my cold heart, he/she makes me warm during the long dark teatime of my soul...

11 years ago
Whenever I see ____________ on line I run for a sandwich, lock the doors and hunker down for some good old fashioned down home bullsh*t. 

________is like that little buzzing in your ear ..or that floating dot in your eye. Something you just need to get used to  and get on with your life. No one  said it would be easy.


Well...yeah...
11 years ago
8.in the chilly hours and minutes of uncertainty I long to be clicking with _____________________. S/he's the reigning posting poster boy/girl of the 21st century.

9.You don't tug on Suoerman's cape. You don't spit in the wind. You don't find TESTIES like this growing on trees...Thank the Great Duck.

10.Along with increased frequency of urination, change in the shape and size of a wart or mole watch out for _______________________ and drink plenty of fluids.
11 years ago

Okay, so you know those icky icicles that form on your nostrils when you're doing stuff outdoors in the dead of winter?  Well, ___ is SOOO not like those!  

Uno...
11 years ago
That's wonderful. I'd ask 4 it but I don't want 2 B greedy.
Go for it, Marty ...
11 years ago

I'm requesting another of yours ... see ya on the request thread! 

okey dokey artichokey...
11 years ago
I'm heading for the request thread...but I think I got copied what you want.
11 years ago

If U cn rd ths, thn U cn mk sns ov _____'s psts!

...same vein?
11 years ago
I dnt no wht th hll __________________'s tkng abt...evr!
11 years ago

_____ is the fried tofu to my stinky, dead, carrion meat.  Where else but on Care2 can such polar opposites meet and become such fast friends? 

11 years ago
__________________ is sheer poetry. Not necesarily good poetry,  kinda like that modern stuff that doesn't rhyme or make much sense...but definitely sheer.
11 years ago
I didn't even want to be there.....but then I saw__________ and all my deepest fears proved to be true. ________ will suck you up and spit you out. And that's the good part!

__________is mysterious, self-sufficient and haughty.  She/He is so much like my cat but without the hairballs.

Alrighty then, nicely.
11 years ago
Hey Lisa looka me...er you. Ya know your tiny avi doesn't come close to showing how pretty you are...I feel suddenly so attractive.

By the way Lisa and Stella check out the fine snarkiness Bijou just wrote. Available from the author.

my first effort, be kind
11 years ago
you might think you know ______. You might even think s/he's a nice guy/girl, but his/her parole officer just called and told me about his/her glue habit. s/he's just trying to gain your trust so s/he can come round to your house and steal stuff.
Nice work Stella...
11 years ago
...keep it up.
be kind I'm a newbie
11 years ago

___________ is warmer than your house on fire, sharper than a staple through the finger, faster than a mad man chasing you in the dark... oh wait, all those things suck...

Like a popsicle in summer, ______ will melt all over your hands, turn your mouth funny colors and stain your best shirt!  Yet you'll still chase that stupid van with the ringing bell.

Julie...
11 years ago
I'd like to order this one:

Like a popsicle in summer, ______ will melt all over your hands, turn your mouth funny colors and stain your best shirt!  Yet you'll still chase that stupid van with the ringing bell.

See you on the who wants a testy(?) ordering thread.
Yeah ...
11 years ago
that's a good one. 
stella
11 years ago

.... see you in the bar!

11 years ago
_____ is the kind of person you like to have near when your brain is slumbering in dream-water and your soul has taken a vacation, you can always trust that she/he helps you finding your way back on track... 
11 years ago
The last thing I think of before I go to sleep is___________. The first thing I think of when I awake is___________. I gaze into the distance and think of ___________.
Oh my G-d! I'm going mad! Mad I tell you!

will care2 allow this?
11 years ago
______ is a wonderful, loving person. The size of his/her heart is overshadowed only by the size of his/her ****. (Be sure to ask about the private photo album!)
Let's try it.
11 years ago
May I have it?
You're good, Julie!
11 years ago

all warm & fuzzy
11 years ago

Of course Marty... but that will be two in a row from me... do you mind?

Thank you Uno! and Ditto

She is good, isn't she and bad too?
11 years ago
No problem Julie. as Carl once said here..."The more the merrier." In orden?

Hi Uno.
I got it Julie.
11 years ago
11 years ago

Hi Marty! 

oh...Uno...
11 years ago
*cmputer2*
Anonymous
11 years ago
*cmputer2* ???
Hey, Celly!
11 years ago

I think it was the vacuum-head 'puter:

What?!?
11 years ago
You never made a typo?
Celly...
11 years ago

you have to use your imagination! he left out the 'o'

whoa
11 years ago
poor Celly was attacked!!!
Anonymous
11 years ago

I know,  I know.

And no Marty, I have never, ever, ever made a typi inn myu whple lifed.

Anonymous
11 years ago
I feel so... attacked!!!!
harrumphh.
11 years ago
I'm going to bed...I hope. Good night all.*hearsmile*
11 years ago
I'm testy, ?
Good night, Marty!
11 years ago

Sweet dreams. 

11 years ago
Anonymous
11 years ago

Yes, goodnight Marty......

Quick! Now he's gone lets take over this group and turn it into something worth our time! Mooooo ha haaa haaaaaa!

Will this plan ...
11 years ago

benefit your evil cult?  If so, I'm in! 

11 years ago

I'm in just because I love the evil laughter! It's inspiring & scary all at once

No one does evil laughter ...
11 years ago

like Carl ... check it out about a quarter-page down on this thread: http://www.care2.com/c2c/groups/disc.html?gpp=3193&pst=66444&archival=

Tres wicked!! 

Anonymous
11 years ago
I would click the link, but it might be too evil for my computer to handle....
well...i orden...
11 years ago
...what's going on? Is this group suddenly worthwhile? If so, I'll have wee part of it?
11 years ago

 ha!!!  ha!!!  ha!!!  ha!!!

11 years ago

laugh a day keeps the D:r away

Thanks, Carl!
11 years ago

<---- NOT evil laughter

Marty ...
11 years ago

Please ... what is "i orden" mean? 

11 years ago

Shorts that don't give you a wedgie whilst bike-riding, a wild night of partying with out the Barf ... these, along with _____, are a few of my favorite things.  Lalala. 

11 years ago

If you have a headache, take a pill. If you have a blister, lance it 'til all the oozy stuff comes out.  If you need a friend, call _____ ... he/she's like a pill and a pointy lance all rolled into one. 

I orden, Uno...
11 years ago
Anniina told me "i orden" is Norwegian for okay. However since I have begun overusing it she informs me that it does not precisely mean okay. Erego, not only have I been overusing it I've been over-misusing it. I orden?
Incidentally...
11 years ago
...I so dig the new TESTIES, especially the second one. I don't want to be greedy, so I won't ask...but if nobody claims it in a few days...well...?*hearsmile*
Hey, Marty ...
11 years ago

I think you're my biggest fan ... let me know when you want it! 

i take this one...
11 years ago

If you have a headache, take a pill. If you have a blister, lance it 'til all the oozy stuff comes out.  If you need a friend, call Carl... he's like a pill and a pointy lance all rolled into one. 

Zut...
11 years ago
Carl just asked for it...on the other hand he's someone who wouldn't mind sharing a TESTY,I bet.

Oh Carl...?
up for grabs
11 years ago
______ is truly a godsend. I had completely given up on ever feeling happiness again, and then, like a light at the end of a desperately long tunnel, I found _______ and she/he turned me onto his/her "massage" parlour... Happiness is here again! and again! and again!!!
11 years ago

Being friends with _____ is an exercise in depravity, immorality, and corruption.  Is it any wonder everyone loves him/her so much? 

(NOTE:  This one arrives complete with smiley)

Anonymous
my first attempt (go eazy on me - Hope I can send one)
11 years ago

___ is so dreamy, he/she makes me smile and gives me starry, crescent shaped eyes. If only he/she didn’t have that raging case of herpes…

____ is like my favorite song. If I listen to him/her long enuf, I start hearing the voices in my head and soon I start to disco.

Last time ____ went to the doctor he/she was diagnosed with a strange case of rosacia from severely depressed and homosexual fleas.  Please pray for his/her speedy recovery.

Wow! ____ looks so hot dressed up as Darth Vader!

(comes with the )


___ makes me feel all warm and light inside. Kinda like I just peed my pants.

So there I was running naked thru the forest when a giant grizzly jumped out & grabbed my neck.. Suddenly _____ saved me when he/she ran by naked as a polecat and shocked the sh*t outta the bear!

You know how they say people look like their pets - Did you know ____ owns a hideous mutant piranha with a severe case of acne?

The lab called. Your brain’s ready.

(that last one is a rip off of an old bumpersticker lol)

ELES...
11 years ago
I personally have nothing against ripoff TESTIES(See the TESTY trouve thread). I think your offerings are splendid...in fact I ordered one on the TESTY ordering thread. Meet me over there, okay?
11 years ago
When you really listen to _______  the words begin to effect you like large doses of  hallucinogenics.
11 years ago

If you're like me and enjoy the alluring scents of stale tobacco, discount liquor, cheap women, and water fowl, you're sure to love ________ just as much as I do.

7 out of 10 prison inmates actually prefer the taste of __________.

Like a sultry summer evening, _________ makes me all sweaty until I stick to the furniture.

Wild, passionate, gratuitous anal monkey-love, on the beach is __________ in a nutshell.

My Grandma went on vacation to Mexico and all she bought me was this crappy testimonial.

11 years ago

Located on the X chromosone, the MAO gene and _____ have been the subjects of many a recent study as primary role-players in criminal or aggressive behaviors. 

11 years ago

Recent research has indicated that no less than 4 mutations in _____'s gene structures were located, resulting in a metabolization of his/her neurotransmitters.  Soooo ... that explains it! 

11 years ago
Uno ...
11 years ago
...you are taking the EDU-TESTY to new heights.
Anonymous
11 years ago

I would say so.

How did the 72 pages of proof reading go?  Obviously you picked up something. . .

Hi John...
11 years ago
...How are your groups going?
Can you believe ...
11 years ago
I'm still working on it? Almost done.
Anonymous
11 years ago

Well, I was gone to work for like 3 hours and there was a HUGE uproar at my "Down with Dubya" group.  A few people left.  But I e-mailed them and asked them to come back.

"Chicago Jobs" is still in it's baby period.  Don't expect that one to pick up for a while.

"UEPC" is steadly growing, but not many are posting as I had hoped.

Thanks for asking.

And yours?

Anonymous
UNO
11 years ago
UR still working on it???  WOW. . .so I expect to that i will need a dictionary for a few weeks after you finish to understand what you say?
Woohooo! I'm done!
11 years ago
Finis!  Durchgeführt!  Terminado!  Accompli!  Completato!  完了される!  완료하는!  完成!
Alright Uno!
11 years ago
First my taxes. Now your daughteers paper. I posted a TESTY for Justin on the thread you started. I sent it too.

John...my groups are all doing okay...Vice Party started first but it's slowed down. Compulsive Clickers is steadily growing. This group as you've probably noticed is a nuthouse/freakshow and I mean th
at in the nicest way. Plus  have a feeling we may get busted for chatting here instead of one of the bars.
11 years ago
My group is really sucking!  Someone help me please.  It is for first time parents.  This does not mean only people with babies.  It means people raising children for the first time!  Help! Help!  Join and post, and I will love you forever!
Anniina to the rescue !
11 years ago

Check your group for new posts...
Melissa
11 years ago

Sorry, cant help you there...

But...

11 years ago
Oh, while I'm at it; Check the 'place your orders here thread' as well, will you?

Melissa...
11 years ago
I didn't post because my kid is eight and I thought it was for parents of newborns. I'll go see if I can say anything worthwhile (...as if.)


The Rebecca Collection
11 years ago

I haven't written any prefabs yet, so here goes (all off the top of my head, of course)

"Yodel-ay, yodel-ee, yodel-oh! ______ is the greatest online yodeler I ever did hear! Yessiree! (Whaddya mean it's all in my head? I can hear it plain as day!) Go on, _____, give the folks a yodel ..."

-- I think that one needs work

"_____ is like a drop of honey on toast ... he/she will melt into your heart and make it all sticky."

"My canoe glides across the lake, barely leaving a ripple. Then _____ swims by and suddenly my canoe is capsized by the wake left by ______'s witty comments and chatty jargon! Watch out for _______; he/she likes to rock the boat!"

"Wow ................................................................. _______ has left me speechless."

11 years ago
when you stagger around in the early morning, trying hard to remember if you got a home, and if so, where it is, and you see a light at the end of the tunnel and find yet another bar, wich you cant resist to enter, you can be sure that _____ is allreaddy there waiting to hold you company...
11 years ago
Rebecca, may i please have tthe yodeling TESTY? I'll meet you on the ordering thread.
11 years ago
If ever you need ANY help (smuggling the goods, burying the body, bribing the judge), just call ______. Those 18 years in the mob must be good experience for something...
11 years ago
______ is truly the sweetest person I've ever met! Tastes a little like Juicy-Fruit soaked in molasses and dipped in Splenda... but not in a yucky way.
11 years ago

well..I've been listening to some good music this morning, and I have these prefabs to offer you....never done this before, so ......

_____ is obsessed, not with movies, but with movie theatres, s/he hangs around inside pretending s/he works there....s/he asks the people how the movies were, but s/he never goes inside to see them...

_______ s/he's a snakeskin...with her/his obsessive love of  70s gay pornography. S/he collects them all, and alphabetizes them, but s/he doesn't alphabetize them by the movie, but by the porn star...which is just...really sick...

________, many of you know her/him, many of you don't, but growing up on the streets of Spanish Harlem was not easy for her/him.. the only joy s/he ever found in her/his sad existance was the music of the streets, the music of the people, the music of Anarchy, the music of freedom....the music of Julio Iglesias...

11 years ago
I called________ hoping for some sage advise. S/he had no tyme to parsley out any advise and refered me to rosemary. Apologies to Simon & Garfunkel

All alone in the dark, thinking of _____. Slowly my eyes adjust and there s/he is just like I dreamed........dead drunk on the floor with a pickle in each hand.

Like the running water of a broken toilet, like the flickering  of that damn light_________will really get on your nerves if you don't supply her/him with the right parts.

Man, I don't freakin' believe it! I knew someone just like________in High School.

Daphne's first dozen attempts...are these what you are looking for?
10 years ago

1. _____ is hotter than a Georgia asphalt on a sunny August afternoon. Call the Fire Marshall. She/he's on fire!

2. _____ grows on you like kudzu in the Mississippi summer.
                ....like grass in a meadow.
                ....like fungus on old bread.
                ....like mold & mildew in a damp basement
                ....like mistletoe on an oak.           

3. What can I say about ____? Nothing good, and my mother always told me if I can't say anything good, then say nothing at all.

4. Mice, and rats, and bugs better hurry. Turn on lights, and watch them scurry. Even moths will begin to flurry when in my group you flop.

5. You make DEATH look very cool.

6. I think I love you, so what am I so afraid of?
        ....Well, your spouse, for one. 
        ....Well, STDs, for one.
        ....Well, you.

7. Your eyes, your hair, your complexion! Ah! Vampires must be so jealous!!

8. Man, you are like the grooviest. Far out. Like, you're way out there, man. Hey, like, I dig your vibration, man.

9. I went to bed with you on my mind and had nightmares all night.

10. I went to bed with you on my mind and had fun dreams all night.

11. You remind me that life is worth living. Thank you.

12. ____ is the kindest people I know. He/she helped me when I was in deep, dark depression to know that it could be worse...much worse.

more testies on offer--
10 years ago

1. _____ reminds me of a thoroughbred running for the roses in the Kentucky Derby. S/he always gives it his/her best and wins the race.

2. What's up, doc? Take a wrong turn at Albuquerque? Then you need to meet _____ because she/he will set you straight!

3. You'll be calling "Wildfire" after you taken a ride with _____. S/he was born to be wild!

4. Move over Woody Allen! ____ can tell you all you ever wanted to know about sex but was afraid to ask...and even some things you still don't want to know!

5. If _____ were a rock concert, the tickets would cost over $500. S/he is that good a rocker!

6. When I was down and in the dumps, _____ lifted me up and put me in a proper landfill.

7. _____ is an very friendly and caring person. Why we had barely met, and s/he was already concerned about what I was wearing!

8. ____ is like that annoying song you can't get out of your head.

9. If birds of a feather flock together, then _____'s flock is a flock of ______  (choice: chickens, buzzards, hawks, eagles, crows, etc. Must specify what kind of bird.)

10. I've never met anyone like ______. More's the pity. We need more folk like him/her.

11. _____ is like a good cup of dark roasted European coffee...nice and strong.

12. _____ is like a good book... you can't wait for each and every word and then mourn when there is no more to read.

even more testies...
10 years ago

1. What I learned about sex as a youth was all from locker room gossip and Jackie Collins. All the rest I'm learning from _______'s group-- _______.

2. I never knew there were so many things you could do with a banana, a cucumber, or even a zuccini until I met ______. What an eye opener!

3. Ever heard of a blasting zone? Well, never get on the cross side of ______ or you will discover what it means. Dynamite should be so explosive!

4. _____ is a jack/jenny of all trades. Is there anything he/she doesn't know?

5. Tropical beaches, wading in the shallows, palm trees swaying, sipping a rum-based drink from a coconut... Ah, ______ makes me dream of such things!

6. Heat wave! Burning like a heat wave! Just reading _______'s posts, I get this burning feeling all over. ______ is really HOT!

7. Fire! Help me, I'm burning! ______ is just way toooooo HOT for me! Someone help me please!

8. Oh, baby. You want to have some fun times? Then go read any of ______'s posts. That man/woman is a riot!

9. _____ ought to be in the movies. She/he is just too gorgeous/handsome not to be seen worldwide!

10. _______ is one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. If Einstein were alive, he'd be jealous.

11. _____ is like water to a person whose been walking through the desert-- such compassion is rare.

12. _____ is one crafty person. She/he is so talented and full of wonderfully creative ideas.

I'm still trying to get the hang of this....
10 years ago

1. ______ is slicker than a chased greased hog.

2._______ is as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full o' rocking chairs.

3. ______ is as wild as a peach orchard hog.

still trying
10 years ago

1.  Friends may come and friends may go, but _____ is as rock solid as cement and you are stuck with him/her.

2. Beauty, grace, and honesty, all fine qualities that you can/can not  expect to see in _______.

3.   ______ is the shadow that follows you everywhere, even into the bathroom.

4. A greater sex partner you will never find.

5. Sarcasm, mockery, and chaos, ______'s work is never done.

Great stuff Tracy...
10 years ago
More, more, more.
here's some more....
10 years ago

1. An ounce of _______ is worth a pound of friendship; or a pound of potato chips.

2. Never have I seen such devotion in a man/woman as I have see in ______. He/She is there for you until the end.

3.  Like a wave upon the sand, ______ comes and goes, leaving you wet and salty.  (can you put that on care2?)

4.  To know _____ is love him/her.

5.  Like yesterday's newspaper, ______'s only purpose in life is to be at the bottom of the bird cage.

6. Look out world, here comes _______.

oh no! more testy from THAT woman????
10 years ago

1. _____ made me write this testimonial lest s/he broadcast my deepest, darkest desires all over Care2. So, here is your testy. Now...start broadcasting!

2. It's not often I am moved to write such lofty sentiments in words, but knowing _____ the way I do... I'm still unmoved. 

3. Hey, _____, how many more profiles must I write these stupid testimonials for? Haven't you tired of making up IDs yet?

4. Ah, seeing your real photo inspires me to burst into song... "I like big butts, and I cannot lie..." Big butt-ed women of the world unite!

5. I never knew anyone who could do what you described in your sex group. Are you sure you didn't break the laws of biology there?

6. ______ offers the greatest recipes online. Everyone is a winner too.

7. ______ is a world-class (knitter, skiier, hand-baller, etc. Must choose your field here) ______ is an inspiration to us all.

8. If it is true that we each have a magical power animal, then ______'s must be a (choose your power animal) because s/he radiates this energy so powerfully.

9. If ______ were a treasure, s/he would be pure (choose your gemstone, precious metal, pearl, etc.) because s/he is rare and precious.

10. ______ assures me that the little green men will not come for me as long as I stay on his/her good side.

11. _______ assures me that the men in the white coats won't come for me as long as I don't annoy him/her.

12. _____ is the best thing since sliced granite.

10 years ago
wow!....better get thinking
hey hey...
10 years ago
none of that...we've done fine without thought so far.
New Prefabio!
10 years ago

jawo.gif happy birtday, sexy!

OR

jawo.gif good morning, sexy! and thank you.

10 years ago
  • I thought I was all alone in the dark and then ______appeared!
  •  Holy Sh*t! You damn near scared me to death!

  • Was that________up against the wall, legs spread, hands where I could see them? Oh no, sorry , my mistake.

  • If I could just get________to write me back then I'd know what to say. But as it is I have to just sit here making it up as I go along.

even more from you know who
10 years ago

1. _____ is like the Balm of Gilead on my broken heart. _____ is a holy ointment of blessed healing.

2. ______ may not be a saint, but s/he sure has lots of fun and is never lonely!!

3. _____ reminds me of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Knowing her/him is like doing the Time Warp again.

4. Never, and I repeat never ever get on the wrong side of ______ unless you like high quality arse kicking.

5. How many times have I longed to run my fingers thru _____'s hair, or what's left of it, and drink deeply of his masculine ardor!

6. How many times have I yearned to take _____ in my arms, trace his/her neck with my tongue, and then bite that immortal bite!

7. Garlic! Always there is garlic in ______'s blood! How's a vampire to survive on this?!

8. _____ haunts my days and my nights, leaving me breathless with an anticipation that makes my spine tingle and my body quiver.

9. ____, I don't know who is cuter-- you or your dog/cat.

10. _____ typed into my life and filled me with multiple dangling participles of pure pleasure.

11. I never knew before I cyber-met ____ that you could have a whole conversation with only "OOOOOOOOH!"

12. _____ is a troll, and I mean that in the sincerest way possible.

Some more testies...enjoy!!
10 years ago

A spoonful of honey helps the medicine go down and it does, just look how well _____ turned out.

Horehound is a perennial plant, what? You thought a prime example was _____? Shame on you!!

Cure for headache- Relax in dark quiet room and have _____ lick your toes. The headache goes right away.

A cup of Baileys cream coffee and _____, who needs anything else?

Strong antibiotic properties with unusual abilities to grow "things" larger. Just ask  ______ all about it.

Everyone wants a bite of _____. He/she benefits circulation, lowers cholesterol, dilates blood vessels.

_________  used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Hey __________  It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you.

_________ thinks that the trouble with life is there's no background music. Will someone fix this please?

_______ doesn't suffer from insanity, he/she enjoys every minute of it.

Ordering...
10 years ago
Who's the biggest TESTY whore ever.

May I PLEASE have, from...

...Ryvre...
Onan doesn't suffer from insanity, he enjoys every minute of it.

...Daphne...
How many times have I longed to run my fingers thru Onans hair, or what's left of it, and drink deeply of his masculine ardor!

...Tracy...
An ounce of Onan is worth a pound of friendship; or a pound of potato chips.
I love the smell of TESTIES in the Morning. Who'da guessed?
10 years ago

10 years ago
sent  :X
Here you go Martti...
10 years ago

testymoanyal.png

Hope you like it...

I don't just like it....
10 years ago
...I LOVE IT!!!
10 years ago
...Glad you like it. I just made another one and sent it to a friend...
hmm, to early for this....
10 years ago

1.  ______ is just like naval fluff.  Gaze into his/her naval for inspiration.

2. ______ could never be a creepy guy/gal, because he/she is beyond all that.

3. Just like a 'possum after garbage, ______ will shred you and then play dead.

10 years ago
Magick, can you make a geneic TMA testy just for birthdays? It'd be the perfect b'day gift from here. 
10 years ago
generic    typos grrrr
10 years ago

Sure thing Daphne!

How's this Daphne?
10 years ago
HBtesty.png
10 years ago
whoo hoo! You are GoooOOOOoooDDD!! That is lovely! Thanks, Magick.
10 years ago
...to tell you the truth,I honestly have no idea what I am doing ...I just started playing around with this software I got a while ago...it's entertaining and you are very welcome! Let me know if I can do anything else for you
Here are a few...
10 years ago

...up for grabs...

How many times must we go over this _______?...RAID is not a personal hygiene product!!

If you ever need someone to talk to, someone to be there for you no matter what...Don't call _______...unless, of course, it's HAPPY HOUR and you are buying!

Placing ________ anywhere in your home is guaranteed good Feng Shui!

Anonymous
Tracy M.
10 years ago
Can I borrow this one to send to Onan???

2. ______ could never be a creepy guy/gal, because he/she is beyond all that.

10 years ago
of course martti, I mean melissa 
10 years ago
Wait a minute....I think you mean Milissa.
10 years ago

ooppps, hit the wrong button...

sorry to all involved.....

well... I'm confused now...surprize!...but, Magick....
10 years ago
...may I please have this gem?

If you ever need someone to talk to, someone to be there for you no matter what...Don't call Onan...unless, of course, it's HAPPY HOUR and you are buying!
Anonymous
MAGICK!
10 years ago
I didn't know you made those buttons!  Wow...  may I send in some
requests? 
Hugs,
Carolyn
10 years ago

Sent Onan!

Carolyn...buttons? What buttons? What did I do now......It's early and I'm confused

Anonymous
Lyric Testies?
10 years ago

How bout a new line of lyric/satire testies. Stuff that everybody knows.  I know Daphne and Bijou already had a few....but just off the top of my head....


___s land is your land. ___land is my land.
____'s land was made for you and me.


Koo Koo Kachoo Mrs./Mr. ____. Jesus/We all love(s) you more than you can know. Woe, Woe, Woe.


____ was a bullfrog. He was a good friend of mind. I never understood a single word ___ said but I helped him/her drink his/her wine. And ___ always has some mighty fine wine!


___'s bad. ___'s bad. Ya know it!


____, the two of us need look no more... we both found what we were lookin for. With a friend to call my own, Ill never be alone. And you _____ will see, that you got a friend in me.


___ain't nothin but a houndog. Cryin' all the time.  ____ain't never caught a rabit so that makes him/her a friend of mine.

I saw ___ today at the reception. In his/her glass was a bleeding man/woman. He/She was practiced at the art of deception.
I could tell by his/her blood-stained hands.  ____ can't always get what ___ wants.


And how 'bout some Star Wars quote testies?  Again, just off the top of my head....


Aren't you a little short to be a Storm Trooper, ____?

Into the Garbage Chute, __.

___ can have a powerful effect on the weakminded. These arent the droids you're looking for...


___'s mind is never on the present. Never his/her mind on what he was doing..hmm, where he/she was going.. hmm!

 
___'s no moon.  ___'s a space station.

more musical testies...
10 years ago

1. I fall to pieces each time I see ____ again.... ______ walks by and I fall to pieces.

2. Here _____ comes again, looking beter than a body has a right to, and shaking me up so that all I even know is here _____ comes again, and there I go!

3. _____, don't forget to remember me, my love.

4. ______, how deep is your love? I really want to know.

5. _____, I shoulda known better with a boy/girl like you that I'd love everything that you do, and I do! Hey, hey, hey. And, I do.

6. Ahoo! Who's that I see walking thru these woods? Why, it's little red riding hood, err, uh, I meant _____!

7. I wonder who wrote the book of love? I bet _____ did. Talk about a love god/goddess!

8. ______, can you read my mind? Do you know what it is you do to me?

9. Hey, _____, I close my eyes only for a moment, and the moment's gone.... and so are you. Rats. Gotta keep my eyes on you!

10. Please help me I'm falling in love again. _____always brings out the best in a gal.

11. Please, ____, please don't play B17. It was our song. It was his/her song, but it's over.

12. Come on, ____, let's do the twist. Oh, come on, ____... It goes like this-- <twist, twist>

Anonymous
For Star Wars Quote Testies :)
10 years ago

I keep forgetting to post these free Star Wars gifs to go with the SW testies.

1
<img src="http://dingo.care2.com/pictures/c2c/galleries/albums/212/627383534/testy_stuffs/R2D2-01.gif">


2

<img src="http://dingo.care2.com/pictures/c2c/galleries/albums/212/627383534/testy_stuffs/DeathStar-01.gif">


3
<img src="
http://dingo.care2.com/pictures/c2c/galleries/albums/212/627383534/testy_stuffs/DogFight-02.gif">


4

<img src="http://dingo.care2.com/pictures/c2c/galleries/albums/212/627383534/testy_stuffs/Storm-01.gif">
(Arent you a little short to be a Storm Trooper?? lol)


5

<img src="http://dingo.care2.com/pictures/c2c/galleries/albums/212/627383534/testy_stuffs/Han-01.gif">


6

<img src="http://dingo.care2.com/pictures/c2c/galleries/albums/212/627383534/testy_stuffs/Sabers-03.gif">



7<img src="
http://dingo.care2.com/pictures/c2c/galleries/albums/212/627383534/testy_stuffs/Sabers-02.gif">


45<img src="
http://dingo.care2.com/pictures/c2c/galleries/cache/derivative/2/6/2665730.jpg">


Oh and since Daphne mentioned Patsy and Dolly...

I go out walkin' after midnight, out in the moonlight, just hopin' ___ may be... somewhere a-walkin' after midnight, searchin' for me.

They let ____ dream just to watch him/her shatter. ___'s  just a step on the boss man's a' ladder. But ____'s got dream he'll never take away.

And a tasty :

Ill take a seasoned order of fries with Ranch dipping sauce please...and a glazed donut..and a bottle of anything....to go.


thinking this would be perfect for a little weiner we all know and love...
10 years ago

Eles, would a pic go with these modified versions of your testy? --

Ill take a baguette with Brie, some apples, and a bottle of Burgundy to go with _____...

Ill take some peanuts, crackjack, and a hotdog to go with ______

(If you want to send it, cool. Otherwise, can you design it so even an idiot like me can send it please? Thanks.)

10 years ago

_____ has a sort of crunchy granola style that makes me want to pour soy milk all over him/her and eat him/her up! 

10 years ago
hmm...
Have we ever tried dedicating prefabios to other people? Like, could I say I'd like to send that crunchy granola one to...oh, maybe...MR INCREDIBLEGO, for instance?  
Soo ...
10 years ago

Should I send it and see if he accepts?  Because, you know, he is the epitome of crunchy granola style. 

Okay ...
10 years ago

I sent it ... I hope he doesn't reject it ... I'll feel really hurt 

Well you could put that rejection...
10 years ago
...off on me because it was my to send it to him. But i bet he accepts it.
He accepted!
10 years ago

But I should've mentioned the dedication ... I suck

Ohh...
10 years ago
...I don't thik the dedication is a big deal. And i think you're swell!
Anonymous
10 years ago

Sorry Daphne-did you ever get teh YUMMY Code? If not its:

<img src="http://dingo.care2.com/c2c/emoticons//yum.gif">

And I'll take some new testies. Anything with song/food/cage/feet etc all muzzled in together ?

10 years ago
Thanks, ELES. I'll have to try it soon. 
10 years ago
A Rotating Testy
OMG....
10 years ago
....it's fantastically amazing. Can we idiot code it for the technically impaired?
By the way ...
10 years ago

10 years ago
Rotating Testies SUCK!
Can someone give me that one, please?
10 years ago

My pleasure Mama mia.
10 years ago
Available...any takers?
10 years ago

Hi sexy.
Hmmm ...
10 years ago

that's freaky.  *okay* ... I'll take one! 

Anonymous
10 years ago
I got one!
Bubblina...
10 years ago
...coming your way.

Sexy Jeff... for accepting it.
Hey...
10 years ago
...do you think one of those might cheer Caedwyn up? Or am I just an asshole?
Hmmm ...
10 years ago

that's a good question ... I mean ... you're not an asshole! 

I'm just not sure if Caedie will like it ... although I think it's pretty funny. 

It's worth a try, Martti ...

Thank you, Martti ...
10 years ago

for the absolutely frightening testy! 

OK have I missed somehing?
10 years ago
Uniino, Uno, hey girlfriend! I thought we were fighting FOR rotating testies and now I get a testie that says rotating sucks. Whazzup??? Help me out here, why are you against them? I love them! 
OK have I missed something?
10 years ago
Uniino, Uno, hey girlfriend! I thought we were fighting FOR rotating testies and now I get a testie that says rotating sucks. Whazzup??? Help me out here, why are you against them? I love them! 
It's a joke, Ryvre!
10 years ago
It's a joke, Ryvre!
10 years ago

D'oh!
10 years ago

I guess you know that, huh? 

Does anyone have the balls ...
10 years ago

to send one to those who actually do hate rotating testies? 

I don't. 

10 years ago

Your hilarious Uno!

I think ...
10 years ago

I messed up on Eles's.  Eles ... please delete the testy I sent you so I can resend it! 

There are some ...
10 years ago

who would disagree with you, Ryvre! 

10 years ago
Well, I am very happy your my friend Uno! I get on care2 and always cant wait to see what y'all are up to.
10 years ago

 

10 years ago
Ok, I have only been at care 2 for a couple of months, and I have to ask this(You can all laugh at me after some one explains) What in the hell are rotating testies????  ok I feel better now.
10 years ago

  Right back at ya girlfriend!

Good Night everyone. My hubby is yelling for me to get in bed. hehehe...

Anonymous
10 years ago
An excruciatingly painful condition.
10 years ago
  Ask a stupid question...
Hi Rebecca ...
10 years ago

Since Jeffrey can't be serious for even one moment, let me explain. 

When you view your profile, 4 testimonials (testies) show on the right-hand side.  Some people have more than 4 testies (testies ... not testes), but before rotating testies came about, you could only see the 4 most recent testies given.  Not they "rotate" ... every time you refresh a profile page, different testies will show. 

Viola!  Rotating Testies! 

You don't have enough testies ...
10 years ago

to rotate, but I just gave you another one.  The lingo "Testy Check" means to check your front page for a new testimonial ... usually uttered by the sender to the sendee. 

Hang around here long enough and beg for testies (be a Testy Whore) or just make a regular appearance and you, too, will have enough testies for rotation purposes. 

Rebecca...
10 years ago
...I just sent you one.
Thank you,
10 years ago

10 years ago
Wow, I don't know what happened, I was in the middle of typing and my computer freaked out. Anyway, as I was saying thank you for explaining and thank you for the testies.  I guess I'll have to beg for some more, because I was just told that I have to be nice for people to send them to me on their own. Since I'm somewhat of a smart-@ss I guess I'm screwed!*LOL*
Not here.
10 years ago
Here we award smartasses.
10 years ago
Ok I'll start begging now. I want a smartass testy.
10 years ago
And, I am about to sedn you a winking Daphne testy... if I can remember how ELES told me how to do it. Hmmmmmm Ok, hang in there. I will get it to you. I know I put my cheat sheet somewhere here near my laptop....
10 years ago
My next goal is to learn how to send them!
LMAO!
10 years ago

Be careful what you ask for Rebecca!

And btw, check your testies. 

10 years ago
To learn how to send them go to the thread Pics in Testies! ELES has explained it all there.
10 years ago
Yes, testy check, Rebecca. I haven't yet found the winking Daphne, but I sent you a smartass award...
10 years ago
I'll do that, Thanks you guys, the testies are great, now when I'm told I'm a smartass, I can show people my award!
10 years ago

^ 5s Daphne. Woohoo we done good girlfriend!

10 years ago
^5s back atcha. Whoo hoo. We need a lot more smartasses actually.  LOL
10 years ago
Smartass testies? Could they be the testy wave of the future? Am I missing out on this critical social link in the chain? Am I doomed to be uncool forever now?
No way...
10 years ago
...Caedwyn you've just invented the Smartass TESTY...a sure claim on eternal coolitude.
Ummm ... Caedie ...
10 years ago

You could not be uncool if you tried. 

10 years ago
Anybody want this in a TESTY?

GET OUT OF THIS GROUP NOW!

DON'T EVEN ATTEMPT TO POST A RESPONSE.

Thank you Marti
10 years ago
    FOr my most perfect testimonial to date.

Robbi...
10 years ago
...so glad you approved.
9 years ago

"_____ is a trendsetter. He/she never fails to come up with something new and exciting that inevitably catches on and spreads ... kinda like Herpes." 

Oh Unito...
9 years ago
...may i have one of the above, please.
Of course, mon Martito ...
9 years ago

 

9 years ago

would that go w this pic Marty?

getout.jpg

OOh Lor....
9 years ago
....that is nice. *thumbs*

...and TYVM for the TESTY!
Anonymous
9 years ago

Hey Lor, so much for the cool new testie today...could I get that little kid too???  Pretty please???

I you!!!

9 years ago

You guys are too much!  If anyone wonders where to find me, I am

laugh4.gif

Thanks for the laughs...I needed them!

laugh11.gif

Thanks Sandy...
9 years ago
.....back atcha.
9 years ago
Glad you liked them, Marty.