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Hi, everyone May 29, 2009 7:04 AM

I noticed this group sitting down at the end of this list of my groups and thought I'd put something in just so anyone new looking at it would know that there are people here who are listening and who DO care.

  Tim has been incredible.  When I was at the beginning of my grief journey (I am now a year into it) so many little things could trigger a fresh wave of grief, and I found myself pouring my feelings out here when I knew that those who love me had simply given all they could for the time being.  Just knowing that there was someone here who would answer was wonderful.  It was a bit like having therapy on tap.

  I am now preparing for my trip to Scotland and Ireland.  Some of this is for me; I had always wanted to see the land of my ancestors.  However, this trip is one Billy and I had planned together, and has become part of me doing his bucket list for him.  He always wanted to see Ireland; I will be taking some of his ashes there to scatter.  I have found comfort in trying to do some of the things that he would have wanted to do.

Blessings to all of you who come here in search of comfort; you are not alone.

 [ send green star]
Hi, Janet May 29, 2009 7:26 PM

Thank you for this posting and the nice words about me.  I am honored to be able to try and help others who are going through a grief journey - and just offer what I can to try and help.  Each journey is unique, but they all seem to share certain qualities.  Your trip to Ireland and Scotland sounds doubly rewarding...honoring your loved one, and also incorporating things to honor yourself.  It is a trip I hope to make someday.  For those who are on a grief jurney, please be assured that this is a safe place where you can express yourself fully and find a supportive, wonderful audience.  I will offer whatever I can to help, and others in this group will do likewise.  You are not alone!!!

 [ send green star]
Absence June 20, 2009 4:11 AM

I will be in Alaska this next week and don't know if I will have internet access.  If I do I will be checking the group and will respond to posts (if appropriate for me to respond) as soon as I can.  I hope everyone is doing well...

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I will keep an eye on it as well, Tim.... June 21, 2009 10:32 PM

Just in case you don't have access.

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Thank you, Janet June 30, 2009 9:29 PM

It was a marvelous week cruising to Alaska - very spiritually refreshing, and a great start to my retirement from full-time employment.  (37 years with the State of California)  I read a number of spiritually enlightening books, and hope to be able to help others in the future.

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Well I am off to Scotland in a few days.... July 12, 2009 5:35 PM

Something from my bucket list......and, as I have mentioned in other threads, taking a short hop across the Irish Sea to scatter some of my Bill's ashes in Ireland.  This is one of several steps in trying to do some of his bucket list for him.

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Safe trip July 13, 2009 5:27 PM

May you have a safe trip, honoring his memory - a great tribute...take care!  [ send green star]
Welcome back Janet July 27, 2009 4:09 PM

Hope you had a great trip and that it was everything you wanted it to be!

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So how did your trip go dear Janet.... August 22, 2009 8:21 AM

So how did your trip go dear Janet? I still care about this group and we need to keep the dream alive for this group especially folks. We are venturing into a sad and even stranger world without our loved ones beside us. Thank-you Tim and Janet for your continued support, care and love about others who have lost a loved one needing a place to speak freely without judgment. Everybody please keep the faith and continue our efforts as this group remains intact. peace and blessings upon you all---ginger

This post was modified from its original form on 22 Aug, 8:21  [ send green star]
Just getting back to being on US time.... August 22, 2009 7:37 PM

so haven't been on C2 much.  I agree with you - it's very important to have aplace where people can air their feeling freely; it's also important to belong to a group who understands that the journey is just beginning at about the time everyone thinks it's over  - or at least stops talking about it.  We provide the sounding board that's always available when even the mourner's dearest friends are tired of hearing about it.

What amazes me is that this group hasn't seen more action.  It's one of the first things I did - find a group who was supportive and willing to listen.  I did go to an "in person" group for a very brief time, but found that working through my giref in my own way - such as was mentioned above, with doing Billy's bucket list for him - is what's working for me.

Many thanks to both of you for being there.

 [ send green star]
Just finally getting around to uploading September 06, 2009 7:20 PM

Post Removed  [ send green star]
Great pictures September 12, 2009 8:19 AM

Thank you for posting these marvelous pictures, Janet!  Know the trip and its aftermath must have been emotionally overwhelming, but I think it was a marvelous exxperience for you.  A super way to keep your loved one with you and taking the trip "together."

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Keeping the thread alive October 12, 2009 8:23 AM

Just a note to keep this thread alive.  Hope everyone is doing well...

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I'm still here!!! October 12, 2009 5:08 PM

Tim, as I was saying in another group, the grief journey is a long one, andsometimes you find that you've taken a step backwards in the journey.  That said, those are the times you need someone to turn to.

Unfortunately, we are often left to shoulder it ourselves.  If you are too needy, people back away.  If you soldier on, people think you are doing fine and that either you don't need them or they assume that someone else is providing the support. (Trust me, this I know:  my two closest friends kinda dropped off the face of the earth for several months after Bill died, although they were very much there for me during the initial trauma.)  To quote Holly, from "P.S. I love You" :  "what nobody seems to understand is that I'm still going through it."

This group is still very much needed.

This post was modified from its original form on 12 Oct, 17:09  [ send green star]
Thank you! October 13, 2009 12:40 PM

Thanks for your message, Janet!  It is most needed, and I just wanted to keep your thread alive and the group active.  YOu are right - flashbacks and steps back can happen at any time, and we'll be here to provide support whenever that happens to somebody.  Another aspect I've written of before is "subjective time", where you can be transported back to the immediate aftermath of the tragedy, with all of its raw emotion and hurt.  It happened to me 2 years ago during a training program, 14 years after Laurel was killed.  Parts of the program "opened up" the wounds, and it was as if the death had happened just the day before...fortunately, some people there with similar tragedies realized what was happening with me and helped me get through it.

Take care, and thank you again!

 [ send green star]
Well, I am preparing myself for a new grief right now.... November 01, 2009 9:50 AM

My closest friend's little sister called me in a panic on Monday.  Cat had been having severe hip pain for several months, and it finally reached a point where she was admitted for pain control.  Despite the fact that her breast cancer was ductal, in situ, five years ago, it is now in her liver and lungs, possibly the bones of her pelvis.  We are awaiting further test results.

My defense is to throw myself into research; I I have been looking up current protocols.  We are talking less in terms of saving her than of buying her time.  She is doing better than when she was admitted, and is now holding some food down, but it's taking 120 mg. of Oxycontin (the rough equivalent of Percodan) per day to keep her anywhere near comfortable.

I haven't confronted my grief yet.  I'm too busy fighting, in my own way, and I've had my own case of the flu to distract me.  Please keep her in your thoughts.  She has a tough fight ahead of her.

 [ send green star]
Stay strong November 07, 2009 6:23 AM

Hi, Janet!  Sorry I haven't responded sooner, but my computer has been on the fritz.  Sorry to hear about your latest grief - will be here to listen anytime.  Throwing yourself into activity is a good way to deal with your situation.  Will keep you and the others in my thoughts and prayers.  Take care!

 [ send green star]
Thanks, Tim! November 07, 2009 9:51 AM

Yes, staying busy lets you take on the pain in tiny increments instead of feeling it all at once, but it does sometimes draw out the process.  Still, I think if we let ourselves feel everything at once, the emotion would be enough to kill us.  I've heard that there are truly such things as broken hearts.

Cat is doing well this week, and I have finally gone back to work, after a car crash, Cat and the flu.  Her oncologist wasn't satisfied with the preliminary lab findings because it's so rare for Stage 0 cancer to get this aggressive, so he sent samples to Stanford and UCSF - doesn't want to treat for breast ifr it's something else.

Thanks for being here. 

 [ send green star]
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your grief will turn to Joy!
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