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Memorable days June 22, 2005 8:25 PM

Today is the 12th anniversary of Laurel's 14th birthday.  (She was killed 12 years ago in August, so her 14th was the last birthday she celebrated.)I went to work today and had lunch with a dear friend who helped me through the grief.  Didn't get a whole lot done at work, but was able to concentrate on a few things.  Time passes, life goes on, but the hurt never ends.

Which days are difficult for you all, and do you do anything to help get through them?

Happy birthday, Laurel!

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 June 23, 2005 8:42 AM

Tim, I feel for you. The hardest days for me have been the anniversaries of birthdays, and the deathdays, too. Hang in there, and with the help of friends and loved ones, you'll get through it. Just do what you need to do.

Naomi died 2 days after her 18th birthday, 2 years ago. It's coming up soon: July 3rd was her birthday. This year is my daughter's 18th birthday; they were close friends, like sisters all their lives, so it's a bit of a hard time for all of us. Happy and sad all mixed together. Kinda scary, too.

With my friend John, it's his deathday that gets to me every year. The last time I'd seen him, I was upset with him, so there's some guilt mixed in there, even though I know he's all right with it and at peace now, without pain. He had Parkinson's disease and was hoping to die soon. I guess he got his wish.
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Tim, my dear... June 23, 2005 4:03 PM

I understand perfectly how you're feeling today.  May your friend be blessed for being with you.  I'm sure his company was comforting and you appreciated his efforts, even though nobody and nothing could ever ease the pain you have in your heart.  

There are times when I miss Tony so much that I just stay home and cry...  I prefer to be alone.  People react differently to a similar situation... 

You lost your little girl and I lost my soul mate...  Perhaps time will help us heal... I send you love and blessings,

Giuliana aka Princess Little Rock

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Happy Birthday Laurel... June 23, 2005 5:53 PM

Happy Birthday Laurel...And Tim there are no words and yes, there are times when all I can do is stay somewhere ALONE and cry and work it all out. I am glad you had a friend to support you through your work day. I still get weepy days I call em when no matter what I am doing I think about her and how she could be here experiencing that and doing this and there was so much more of life but I guess someone else had a different idea for us all.

Yes, Happy Birthday Laurel and Tim, Happy Laurel Day to you my friend. ---ginger

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Thank you June 24, 2005 6:04 AM

My deep thanks to you all...I appreciate the caring and loving!  I hope I may offer the same to you when you need it.  [ send green star]
Liz, Tim & Giuliana June 24, 2005 5:30 PM

Liz, Tim & Giuliana, you have all blessed this group with your love, presence and comments and that means the world to me. There are so many others too, but for now I will mention the three of you. ---ginger  [ send green star]
 June 24, 2005 10:18 PM

Oh Ginger, you are so sweet to say that. I always feel that it's you guys who are supporting me and saying the right things. I'm glad my contributions are worthwhile. Sometimes it's hard to write down what I'm trying to say or how I feel, but it's good practice, and I know everyone here understands. Thank you to you all.  [ send green star]
Hi Tim July 13, 2005 9:52 AM

I am a little late to help you celebrate your daughters birthday, but I wanted to add my support.  Birthdays are hard, we still celebrate my son's birthday with a cake.  We get birthday cards, and write notes to him, then we take them outside and build a small fire and burn them.  Silly ceremony I know, but it helps us remember him, and keep him a part of our lives.  You are very lucky to have your friend that understands how you feel and is there for you.  [ send green star]
Thank you Karen, this was a good one to re-open... July 14, 2005 11:36 AM

Thank you Karen, this was an interesting thread to re-open...You are welcome to venture, journey and travel in and through out all of our threads and re-open any you deem important for your expression or needs. ---ginger  [ send green star]
Hi Karen July 14, 2005 10:13 PM

Thanks for sharing your ritual.  It sounds like a good one to me.  Nothing is silly if it helps you.  My birthday "ritual" has changed throughout the years to whatever feels right at that time.  Each of us has to find our own path, and I've learned how important it is to listen to our inner guide as to what is right.  Not even those who truly understand can say what is right for anybody else.  Thank you again!  [ send green star]
Yes, Birthdays ARE hard!!! July 15, 2005 1:29 PM

My Grandma used to say:" This world of ours is SO special because each one of us has a unique personality! It would be a rather dull place if we were all alike!"  It wasn't a mere, obvious statement...  what she meant was that human mind is amazing also in as much as most people respond differently to the same situations, even though cicumstances are similar...

My dear Karen, your ritual is very interesting, and, as Tim wisely put it, "nothing is silly if it helps you!" I agree 100%  because I have the "Whatever Makes You Happy" attitude!

Tony, my beloved late husband and I had birthdays a few days apart...  His being on Nov. 13 and mine on Nov. 19.  Since he died on May 3, 2004, this past November was my first birthday without him...  Well, I decided to stay home all by myself and have the freedom to cry my heart out, rather than accept some friends' dinner invitation.  They meant to be helpful, but being with company without Tony would have been more painful for me, while I found some healing in my solitude...  I don't know what I'm going to do this year...  We'll see... "One step at the time", as we say in the "Old Country" across the Ocean! 

Blessings and love,

Giuliana aka Princess Little Rock

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 July 15, 2005 2:35 PM

you guys are absolutely right, everyone has there own ritual and does what is good for them, and it probably will change over the years.  Our ritual evolved because my youngest daughter who is 8 now, really needed to do something to assure herself that just because her brother was no longer physically here with her, that he was still a part of our lives.  She is the one who wanted to make a cake for him that first year, being only 3 at the time, she just knew that when someone had a birthday, well you simply made a cake and gave them a card.  Who was I to argue with a 3 year old LOL.

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Wisdom July 15, 2005 6:17 PM

Karen, I wish more "adults" would listen to the wisdom of children, as you did with your daughter! One Christmas, my daughter made a birthday cake for Jesus using the same logic as yours. Kids often see things more purely and clearly than older, more experienced folks.

My mother gave me a button that I have proudly worn for years; it perfectly reflects my philosophy - "I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up!"

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