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Hello everyone, I am new to the group. July 11, 2005 6:28 AM

I lost my 16 year old son 5 years ago suddenly.  One of his best friends had bought some beer at a little corner store that day and shared it with my son and another of his best friends.  They were all only 16.  My son had only been 16 for a month.  Well, he was driving, and drove into a tree killing himself and the boy in the back seat.  LOL, you would think that after 5 years this would be easier to write but it is still hard to put into words. I have 3 other children, my oldest is 25 - a nurse, then 23 - a marine, and my youngest is just turning 8.  I used to be confused as to what to say when asked how many children I have, because 3 didn't seem to be right, and explaining the "I had 4..." didn't feel right either,  what comes naturally and from the heart is I have 4 children.  If asked about them I tell. 

But...I look forward to participating in this group.

Karen M

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We have a new member! July 11, 2005 8:50 AM

Dear Karen,

Welcome to our group!  You'll find harmony, respect, and empathy, because each one of us has experienced  very painful losses!  Please, also remember that you're free to talk for as long as you want, even if most of your topics will probably revolve about the same person...  None of us will ever get tired of listening to  you, because we all do the same...  Support is crucial in our individual situations!

I don't have any children, Karen...  My first husband was too undependable to raise a family with, and my second husband, Tony, was an angel I met late in life and lost too soon!  Nevertheless, I understand how you must be feeling...  Your boy passed on very suddenly and it must have been a shock for the whole family!  It was a stupid way to go, but he probably didn't suffer at all. No time to!  He'll always be your son, even if he's no longer with you in person, I'm sure he's watching over you in spirit.  So you do have FOUR kids, in my opinion!

With blessings and hugs,

Giuliana aka Princess Little Rock

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 July 11, 2005 9:30 AM

Hi Karen. My name is Tkay and i am sending you some posetive healing thoughts. When somebody asks me how many kids i have, i say three and then i hate myself inside because, no, i have four. Neither way feels right to me either. Your son was very young and you had so many years to love him but i know it sure wasn't enough. The people on this board are really nice and supportive. i hope that you can feel like comforted and everything. Loving thoughts....  [ send green star]
Hi Karen July 11, 2005 9:58 AM

This August will be twelve years since our 14-year-old daughter was killed by a 19-year-old motorcyclist.  The hurt never leaves, but can lessen with time.  The most important advice I can offer is to let yourself honestly feel and then react to what you are feeling.  There will be emotions of all kinds, and you should not reject them or repress them.  This group is an amazing collection of loving, caring souls.  We fully understand what you feel and you should feel free to use us to vent, cry, hurt, or whatever else will help.  Each grief journey is unique, but we can help each other along our individual paths...  [ send green star]
Karen, so glad to have you amongst us.... July 11, 2005 10:06 AM

Karen, so glad to have you amongst us....I can understand how that would feel not right either way even if I don't have any children of my own. We all welcome your presence to the fold and five years is a long time in some respects but I can sense that you have arrived in your journey no matter how bumpy that road has been. You sound as if you have a strong spiritual belief or background to have reached this point. Correct me if I am wrong.

Make yourself at home Karen, and speak freely here. I can already see that some of the many lovely spirits of this group have surrounded you already with their light & love. peace & blessings---ginger

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 July 11, 2005 10:34 AM

Welcome... and to you Karen.  I'm so sorry for the loss of your son.  Losing someone we love is always hard.  We all deal with grief differently.  I've lost my Dad ( way to young...age 48), Mom(at 64...she never got to retire), Grandparents and others.  I can not imagine losing one of my 3 children.  I think that has to be the worst kind of loss.  Your son in heaven( if that is your belief) is still your child and always will be.  Take care. Blessings to you.  [ send green star]
WOW! July 11, 2005 3:13 PM

Thanks for the very warm welcomes everyone, I am very grateful.  It feels good just having a place to be able to talk freely about my son without someone telling "you really do have to move on with the rest of your life dear" LOL, I am sure you are all familiar with that one.  And no, I wasn't raised with any sort of religious or spiritual background or faith at all, though I know my parents were at one point catholic.  This is what had at first made my son's death so unbearable, not knowing where he was and what he was doing and how was it possible that he just "wasn't" anymore.  But I turned that around very quickly, as a mother your child has to be somewhere LOL.  And I have been questing for my own spirituality since then.  And for the most part I am in a very good place, some bad days but mostly a good place. 

Thanks again for the warm welcomes and I look forward to talking with you all again.

Karen M.

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Welcome Karen July 12, 2005 9:40 AM

Hi Karen,

I'm a bit late because I was ill yesterday, but I also wanted to join in and welcome you to this wonderful, caring group. We will never get tired of listening to you talk about your sweet young son who passed too soon. I hope you feel free to vent here any time you need to.

As others have said, we totally understand where you're coming from and what you're going through. We are all here to support eachother; we seem to take turns needing that support!

Peace and blessings, Liz
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