What Did You Do to Ease the Pain? October 12, 2005 10:49 AM
Whenever someone we're very close to suddenly passes on, we reject the thought... perhaps it was a nightmare... or we misunderstood... disbelief at first and acceptance later, with increasing pain... With time, we realize that "life MUST go on", no matter what. But it's SO hard!! How did you all manage to ease the pain? Would you please share?
Sometimes Giuliana I don't even want to remember but I... October 12, 2005 11:26 AM
Sometimes Giuliana I don't even want to remember but I worked and walked around like a damned zombie for several months and kept my mind occupied with reading books, watching movies and television viewing especially mid-afternoon after my morning shift of newborn calf care. I watched a program, "Beyond", on WGN, every day faithfully to keep the faith that there was hope. It had psychic readings on there done via James Van Praagh. I would cry and bitch through that program but (I always felt hope afterwards and saw what good it gave those sorrowing souls.) It gave me some sense of normalcy everyday and on weekends I felt lost without the program but I maintained as busy of a schedule as I could to keep myself busy and doing daily routines and eventually I came out of the zombie like state. I also befriended some neighborhood teenagers that one day walked up to our house at the time and well when I saw them we connected instantly since they had lost their father and were staying with his parents since their mom was not fit nor able to care for them. He died under unusual circumstances as did my niece and he passed on very young. Funny how there is always some connection that is sent our way to help aid us in our sorrow journey. Always be open to those outside your world that try to enter in for that very reason. Sometimes you don't see it at first but later on you think how much that was supposed to happen for a reason.They were both good kids but they had already experienced a heavy duty loss twice with both parents. I also allowed myself those dark moments and I dealt with them no matter when they hit me. I also found myself very into physical contact. Do not ever turn away a hug from anyone. Give them out freely too. For whatever reason it sure did me a world of good. Sending much love your way today Guiliana...peace & blessings---ginger
[ send green star]
I rely on God...asking him to take it away. I write God cuz most know God, but its Enternal Love and there I find releif. I feel huged and pumpered by Him, that no other human words r nessecary. He knows my needs better than any one and he knows better than anyone what I am been going through. Cuz sometimes words dont have the power of a feeling.And grief/sorrow cant be described to others with words. And sometimes we feel speachless to express our sorrow.
I know you've been having a terrible time with Tony's passing. But here you are now, reaching out for ideas to help you move on to the next step in your journey. You're getting strong enough to consider that Life goes on.
When Naomi passed on so suddenly and shockingly, I was numb and confused for a long time. We all were, in both families. But what's interesting now, is that some of us seem to have healed and are able to enjoy Life again, while her own mother is still 'in the swamp' of hating Life. She refuses to grow because she's afraid that it means forgetting Naomi, when nothing could be further from the truth.
What helped the most was talking, talking, talking about our experiences and feelings about Naomi's death and her life. Remembering, crying for our loss, sharing all this with the others who were part of her life. And Ginger mentioned the value of touch. Lots of hugs all around helped enormously, especially when words wouldn't come. We sent letters to Naomi and our other dear departed through a simple fire ceremony; this is another thing that helped us heal. No one else would read them, so you could say anything at all.
What's important to remember is that moving on, finding joy in Life again, doesn't at all mean you've forgotten your dear departed or are negating the importance of their life or their passing in any way.
Giuliana...yes, it is so hard on those of us left behind. For me, the pain is eased by looking to the lessons and growth that I am meant to be experiencing. I find that I am no longer angry, I still am terribly lonesome for her, but know that one of the purposes of me being left here without her is to learn how to come through the darkness and find life again. I find the more I speak of her, the more I share the "remember when..." instances about her, the less pain there is, and the sweeter, softer memories can envelop me.
this time of year is important in my getting through the loss, my spiritual path encompasses Oct 31st-Nov 2 as an honoring and remembrance of departed loved ones. The altar starts getting set up on the day of Jenny's crossing...and through the month continues to be added to with other remembrances of passed family. by the end of the month...it has spread to gloriously cover two tabletops, filled with photos, mementos, food, trinkets, a wonderful jumble of family history. Each piece set on the altar brings a memory, a story, and for the month, all those represented there seem to be alive and sharing in the celebration. It brings me great joy to create a space filled with color, candlelight, sweet incense, food to share...a delight to the living senses, and an honor to those who still live within my heart.
I think the only thing that got me through those first few months was my 3 year old.She so demanded my attention.At first it was all by rote though.One day I heard her saying repeatedly “oh god oh god oh god” as she walked through the room.At that point I realized that had become my mantra and it was time to wake up a bit.Kind of funny now when I think back on it.I also think that talking about Rudy every chance I got, helped eased my return to real life.He is still a part of my everyday conversation.
Novella, thank you for sharing your ritual with us, I loved reading about it.
I enjoyed reading your comments, learning about Novella's ritual, etc. (Thanks for your encouraging words, Ginger!) I always love hearing from all of you!
When I just lost Tony, I was lost too without him! He was a wonderful man and I wish we could have spent more time together... I still think about him every day... And every night, before going to sleep, I light a candle and place it right before his photo... He was four years old then, holding a teddy bear and showing the same, sweet smile that I loved so much!
I did a lot of reading from different sources, I asked my dear friend Tulsi for advice, I made a few changes here and there to beautify the house, and I cried, and I cried, and I cried. I wanted to die. The loneliness was (and still is) unbearable! On top of everything, I was having financial and health problems...
Finally, I decided to do those two things that proved to be the most helpful of all: I sought medical assistance and I subscribed to Care2! Luckily, they were both free!
At one point, I realized I couldn't do much all by myself. I needed professional help and a support group. Years ago, after graduating in Psychology, I did some volunteer work at the "Mental Dept." of the American Naval Hospital, here in Naples. I was already a full time employee at the US Consulate Gen., but I'd be spending most of my free time there (through the ARC), doing group therapy, administering tests, feeding old people who were so ill to be unable to use any cutlery at all! It was a great experience which taught me to recognize and accept my limits..
That's what led me to seek a good local psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder"and prescribed some medications. From my youngest brother-in-law, I learned about Care2... I wanted to keep my mind occupied, in addition to help animals and Nature. That I found very gratifying. But I also met a lot of "virtual" friends who shared my ideals, who had gone through similar experiences, or had something new to teach me. That was therapeutic. I'll always be grateful to Ginger for asking me to be her co-host in this group... And here we are... sharing memories... supporting each other... bringing harmony, peace, and LOVE for the mutual benefit.
I'm still under medical treatment, but I wish to thank all of my Care2 friends! Please. keep in mind that I'll always be available for any of you.
you know you are in my prayers and I am very happy you have taken control of your life by getting medical attention,I am sure with the right antidepressants your blood pressure will come down also Stress hurts the whole body.
I will keep praying for you that you will see the light with your spiritual eyes.
I'm not sure who you lost, but I can tell that you are missing him and loved him very much. My lover my "bonedaddy" Andrew (R.I.P.) has been dead for three yrs now. I finally, in the last 6 mo. or so, don't cry every single day and night. I know he doesn't want me to be sad, and I cherish forever the love we share even still. Usually my tears start out happy in remembering times we had togather- then I always end up sad that I just can't hold him anymore. That I didn't see what I see now. But I know he doesn't hurt anymore- and that's what matters most. Let any communicaions from your loved one in- they are beautiful gifts from beyond to remember- and to remind us why (?!) we are alive! >**<
[ send green star]
First of all, let me tell you how pleased I am to see that you decided to join our group! We're all good friends and give one another a great deal of moral support and beneficial advice. We share the joy of the time we spent with our departed loved ones, and the pain of losing them... That's why you understood my feelings... I was referring to my beloved husband Tony, who crossed over in May 2004. He was my soul mate and my only hope is that one day we'll be reunited.
May your Husband Tony R.I.P. Guillianna, Yet as he still holds you and sends you heavenly kisses from beyond-let his love give you strenth and fill you with great white -blue light.>**<
[ send green star]
Dellianan O., we are grateful for every bright light and soul that wanders into our lovely group. Make yourself at home. May peace love and light continue to guide your way through life. You are here for a reason. blessings be----ginger