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During the holiday season.... November 29, 2005 5:05 PM

During the holiday season, do you find it more of a difficult time with your loved one gone or does the holiday season bring you such a busy time that you find it more of a time that takes away from remembering your loved ones? If you experience a difficult time during the holiday season how do you get over that hump? Any suggestions for those of us that have to struggle with loss during and over the holidays? peace, love & blessings upon all tonight. May your loved one shine down upon you so bright in the first star you see tonight. ---ginger  [ send green star]
 
Difficult times November 29, 2005 9:28 PM

Each of the past eleven holiday seasons have been different, with the first being the hardest.  It's impossible to predict what will bring on the tears, so I try to just go along as normal and let the tears happen.  I consciously try to remember and relive the good times to bring joy and happiness.

My suggestion?  Don't avoid things and don't deny yourself activities or other things that appeal to you - you have the right (and an obligation) to live life to the fullest.  And, when the sadness hits, let the tears flow and hope that you are around someone who understands.

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 November 30, 2005 1:18 AM

My suggestion?  Don't avoid things and don't deny yourself activities or other things that appeal to you - you have the right (and an obligation) to live life to the fullest.  And, when the sadness hits, let the tears flow and hope that you are around someone who understands.---Tim's words

Yes, Tim, don't deny yourself, a good suggestion. I have learned that one well. I usually felt guilt for enjoying anything without them here on planet earth. That was a difficult road to travel for me. But in my entire life it had been too just more pronounced after their passing. Survivor's guilt.

And, when the sadness hits, let the tears flow and hope that you are around someone who understands.---Tim's most important words

I wish and hope for that for each and every one of us. It has amazed me how much my niece's passing has gotten me to interact and connect with complete strangers and even when the tears flowed. I have had several wonderful experiences with complete and utter strangers and they always leave me feeling blessed after our interaction. Who knows? Could it have been meant to be and steered into my life by some outside force? That thought alone always gives me great comfort too. peace & blessings---ginger

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Ginger and Tim, my good friends, December 01, 2005 4:27 PM

Thanks for your sensible advice.  However, as far as I am concerned, I can't follow it yet...  In the sense that I don't feel like visiting... or celebrating the Holidays at all without my Tony...  for the simple reason that I still have BAD crying spells on special occasions we used to spend together...  It's slowly getting better but - whatever progress I'm making - is at my own pace, which is crucial for the healing process.

Of course, each individual is different and - to be truthful - the path you're suggesting to follow, dear Ginger and Tim, is probably the best one... The past cannot be changed and we all have to learn how to go on with life...  The only comment I'd like to add, is that none of us should feel obliged to do anything because of social pressure...  It has to be OUR OWN decision, whenever we are ready and whatever action we choose to take. 

One day we'll be able to enjoy ourselves... laugh  more often...  take pleasure in the simple pleasures life can offer us...  We'll be happy again.  And this is what our deceased loved ones wish for us:  that we overcome their loss and have fun!  Because they know we'll keep them in our hearts forever.

Giuliana aka Princess Little Rock 

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Giuliana December 01, 2005 6:50 PM

You are absolutely right...and I think that Ginger and I are in full agreement on that.  You need to do what is right for you and not what anybody else tells you you should.  You should also rely upon your own instincts, regardless of what you think others expect of you.  You are the only person who can truly know what you feel and need.  I'm just saying that if you feel like doing something, don't not do it because of guilt that the other person is not there to share it with you.  I'm convinced that they are indeed there in spirit.  (I carry Laurel with me on roller coasters all the time - she loved them, so I enjoy them for both of us.

And if you feel like curling up by yourself and crying, that is okay, too.  The first few years are very tough, and you need to take care of yourself and your emotional needs any way that is best for you.

With love and prayers, Tim

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Giuliana December 01, 2005 6:50 PM

dear Giuliana said...
"is that none of us should feel obliged to do anything because of social pressure...  It has to be OUR OWN decision, whenever we are ready and whatever action we choose to take."

for you dear.  Absolutely...that was the thing that drove me the most crazy, was people trying to put their own ideas of a timetable for grieving onto me.  I cannot even count the times that a person would have the nerve to say something along the lines of "oh, its been *fill in the blank* months (years) since her death, dont you think you should get on with things?"  it got so that I refused to even dignify that with a response...a withering look became my response to such thoughtlessness.

sometimes in our journey, we can only stand still or only take baby steps, and those times are just as valuble as any other progress.  times of stillness can nurture the heart, and in stepping into the stillness, we can more easily find the core spark to gently blow into the flame of living.  Giuliana, dear one, wishing you as much peace and strength that you wish to recieve this holiday season.

  Novella 

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Oh my goodness Giuliana.... December 01, 2005 7:09 PM

Oh my goodness Giuliana....I would not ever expect anybody to be where I am in my sorrow walk today nor would I expect you my dear friend to force anything. I am pretty mellow and laid back and you go as always at your own pace. This is not an easy or fast resolving process.  I just want you to know this. I despise anybody telling me where I should be at with my grieving process, that is not for them to judge. Because until they actually walk in our shoes, they really have no idea. I bid you peace, love and light my dear friend Giuliana. Thank you Tim and Novella for your wise and wonderful words of love and encouragement. ---ginger  [ send green star]
 
During the Holiday Season December 02, 2005 7:07 AM

I came across a lovely true story in one of the "Chicken Soup" books and have opened a new topic with it called "We are not alone."

Take the time to read it - it is truly amazing how events help us to overcome and become stronger..

Judianne

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Thank you Judianne December 02, 2005 10:58 AM

Thank you Judianne. Yes, please take the time to read it folks. Here is the link, just in case this thread actually lead you into our lovely group first. I bid you a safe reading journey and welcome your return to this thread again.

http://www.care2.com/c2c/groups/disc.html?gpp=3194&pst=301585

It is just that so many people struggle during the holiday season with depression, loss, the loneliness, social pressures that I brought it up and out into the open because I want people, you all to feel safe and secure enough to speak your minds here and openly without judgment and pressure socially of any kind. Life does get harder during the holidays. Even I feel the pressure and I truthfully dread them folks. But I want you to feel safe here and loved and that is my sincere wish for you all anytime of the year, not just during these  human and self-imposed holiday seasonal activities. Not all of us can put on a bright and shiny face and bravely face them alone or daily without the extra added pressure of it all.

---ginger

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 December 02, 2005 2:12 PM

My dear friends,

I appreciate your comments and encouragement.  It's comforting to know that - not only I can talk to you freely - but you understand and help.  Likewise, I agree with your advice and thank you for it.

Yes, I am taking "baby steps", which is a great improvement, considering that only a few months ago I was totally unable to "move" at all.

Big hugs always,

Giuliana aka Princess Little Rock

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