My sister has been gone a week today. October 17, 2006 3:05 PM
My sister died a week ago. From breast cancer. In October...the breast cancer awareness month. I am very aware.
Thank you Tim for inviting me here. I feel sooo numb. I have to go back to work Thursday and I hope I can deal with it. You see, I'm a hospice nurse. I sit at the bedside of one who is dying for 11 hours. I give their pain meds, I apply their oxygen. I support their families. Oh God, give me strength to do this.
This is a group where we've all gone through something similar. After what you've gone through, returning to work Thursday is a very short period of time. And since you are a hospice nurse, it could be even more difficult. My suggestion, for what it's worth, is that while you are on the job you try and concentrate only on the patient/family. (Picking up your own grief afterwards) Give them your full attention and offer them whatever you can. If tears come, let them know why. In that situation it helps to know that someone else has hurt and knows just what they are going through.
In the meantime, please feel free to vent here or express any emotions. It is a safe place with caring people.
Colleen, you have come to the right place. I hope that you find safeness, warmth, support and above all love and understanding here. Yes, the numbness stayed with me a long time, sometimes I almost feel as if it is still with me to bring out whenever I need to shield myself from a dark moment about my niece's untimely passing. I wish that I could tell you that it gets better and that sorrow eventually fades off into a golden sunset of hope and joy, there may be times you will feel that way and then there will be times you know damn well it hasn't gone anywhere. But allow yourself the time to heal and never let anybody tell you how and when you should be over your sister's passing. I pray for some sign though from your sister, very, very soon to give you some comfort that she is in a better place. We are with you in this and I bid you love above all Colleen. I am so glad that Tim brought you here.---ginger
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He does not allow for trials that He knows we cannot endure...
I know that the week after my dad passed away, last March, was the hardest one to go through... It all went by so fast though - since I had all the funeral arrangements to take care of still... So many things to think of... I was numb too... It was all a blur, until the actual day of laying into the ground...
Tis at times like these that support and friends come to be the most invaluable assets in one's life.
GingerM...I did get the sign I was looking for. My sister used to fuss at my Mom because she thought she never smiled enough, she'd say "Mom you have a beautiful smile, you should smile more".
Well last week I took my Mom to get a banana split, because Sooz, my sister loved them and we decided to have a "banana split for Soozi," As we were talking and laughing about the thing's Soozi used to say and do, a lady got up and walk over to our stble and said "Please forgive me for intruding, but I felt compelled to come over here and tell you (she was talking to my Mom) that you have a beautiful smile. I don't know what you were talking about, but your face just lights up when you smile" That was our "angel moment"
We knew that was Sooz working through that lady and I've felt better ever since. I know more "angel moments" are coming. In fact, I was worried about going back to work at hospice, but my assiignments have been fine and I have a lot to give....and yesterday I was blessed by being sent to a convent for old retired nuns. And it was beautiful. The most sere day I have ever spent in hospice.
Oh, I still have my weepy spells.....but I'm gonna be ok.
I see you've already been given some wonderful support and advice... But you have also received a "sign", which is very meaningful. I believe our departed loved ones want us to smile and be happy for them... because they're at peace, surrounded by love and harmony. Let's try not to cry, but remember the good times we shared with them... There will be some more one day, because we'll be together again!
I made that note last October...My Dad died 4 days ago of lung cancer. I made the last entry from my niece's house. I am now at my Mom's house. My Dad was her primary caregiver...but the stress of my sister dying was too much for him and he just had no will to live. He died 8 weeks after being diagnosed. I am soooo tired of being strong.......
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If I can offer you any psychic energy to support you , I do so. My belie is that God will not give us more than he/she knows we can carry. (There are times I wish he/she would calculate my strength at a lower level...) My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family...
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I can imagine how devastated you must be! If nothing else, however, both your sister and dad are free from grief and pain now... I know it's little consolation... Please, try to be strong! And concentrate on work. Many people, no doubt, will benefit from your empathy, and, at the same time, it will be beneficial to you.
MY MOM DIED YEAR/6 MONTHS AGO FROM RECTUM TUMOR.THEN IT SPREAD INTO LOWER WOMEN PART/COLEN OF INTENSINE..THIS WAS VERY VERY PAINFUL FOR MY MOM.IT BROKE MY HEART TO THIS SUFFER AND PAIN IN THIS BEAUTIFUL STRONG/STUBBORN WOMEN.MY MOM WAS A CAREGIVER/ALWAYS GIVING AND HELPING TO FAMILY/FRIENDS.THIS PAIN HAS GOTTEN A BIT EASIER THOUGH MISSS MY MOM AND THE REST OF MY BIG FAMILY DO TOO.NOT A DAY SOMETHING PASSES TO REMIND OF THINGS WE DID TOGETHER. I KNOW MY MOM IS WATCHING/WITH MY DAD TOGETHER.MY MOM MISSED HER HUSBAND VERY MUCH LIVED MANY YEARS ALONE WHEN MY DAD DIED.OVER 18 YEARS AGO.THEY SAY ONCE U LOSE A MOM NEVER THE SAME NO MATTER HOW HARD TO GET OVER IT..MAY TAKE MANY MORE YEARS TO SMILE/LOOK AT AT PICS/WITHOUT CRYING..THAT IS ME EVERYONE IS DIFFERANT..BLESSINGS
Thanks for sharing...every grief journey is unique, and only you can know what is "right" for you. Listen to your body and heart and not to those who offer well-meant suggestions or direction. It is okay to cry, whenever and wherever the tears start. I pray that time will enable you to let go of the bad memories/experiences and focus on the good ones you have. For me, it's been fourteen years since Laurel's death and the tears still flow - just not as often. But I can also smile at the good times we had and carry her with me when I am doing something we shared. Take care....
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Just know that I love you all in this group and that July 01, 2007 1:33 PM
Just know that I love you all in this group and that I come here for comfort and strength and read your comments and absolutely send you love, kindness and positive energies and vibes as always, we are connected even through another's passing, which I rarely refer to as an end but a new beginning. peace, love, light and blessings---ginger
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I have lost both parents too, so I know how you feel... I miss them every day, and I particularly think of Mom because I was closer to her... The things we shared... Her bright smile... Memories were extremely painful in the beginning, but now they just bring back loving thoughts and peace. I am sure that, with time, you'll experience the same feelings...
I am sorry your Mom's health made her suffer so much. It must have been devastating for her and the whole family. She's healed and happy now... Watching over you.
My heart goes out to you, Vera. Please, keep us posted on how you're doing. This is a good group... We'll always be there for you.
OH MY THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR KIND WORDS/COMFORT.THIS MEANS ALOT TO ME KNOWING PEOPLE FEEL SAME WAY.YES SOME DAYS ARE EASIER THAN OTHER.I'M SENSITIVE VERY EASY TO CRY ABOUT MY DEAR LOVED MOM.I MISS HER SO MUCH TEARS JUST COME THINKING ABOUT IT.CANNOT HELP IT MY HEART HAS A H0LE SOMETHING MISSING.MAYBE IN TIME WILL BE LESS OR NOT UNTILL WE MEET NEXT LIFE.I KNOW MY MOM WORRIES AND TALK TO ME IN MIND/DREAMS.GUESS A GIFT IS THERE FOR US.WELL I'LL PEEK IN SOON.PLEASE LOVE NEW FRIENDS.COME TO ME I'LL ADD U.BLESSINGS.
Vera...I am so glad you found your way here. Please know that you are loved beyond measure and you came here for good reason and we all know the connection. Watch for the signs, they are there and take your journey as it comes. Rachel's spirit and soul remain with me always. My niece was loved beyond measure too. Keep their memory in your hearts and alive in our sharing. And never fear their signs no matter how startling they are, share them with others. peace, love & light---ginger
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MAYBE U CAN HELP July 28, 2007 9:02 AM
TODAY WOKE UP HAD A DREAM OF MY MOM.MY MOM PASSED AND IN THIS DREAM GOT SOMETHING FROM MAIL/PARCEL. THIS PARCEL WAS FROM MY MOM THOUGH PREPREAD ALREADY BEF0RE PASSING.I GUESS SHE KNEW I'M MISSING HER VERY MUCH NOW.WELL IN THIS PARCEL WAS A PINK BOX,JEWLEREY IN IT,RINGS,PENDANTS,SO ON.I COULDN'TUNDERSTAND WHY NOW KNEW THAT IT WAS GONE ALREADY TO SIBLINGS. SORTA MIXED UP IN DREAM/HEART KNEW THAT WASN'TTRUE. AFTER SEEING THIS THERE WAS PAPER WRITTEN NOTE.LIKE THIS IS FOR YOU/CAUSE I'M GONE.I REMEMBER DEAD IN NOTE..I WAS CRYING AND STILL WONDERING WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT OR WHAT MESSAGE WAS SENT TO ME BY MY MOM.IM FEELING A BIT SAD/UNEASY THOUGH MY HEART WAS HAPPY TO DREAM OF MY MOM AGAIN.IF YOU HAVE IDEAL OR THOUGHTS BLOG IT..I'M HAPPY. THANK YOU.
What a wonderful dream, Vera! Giffts from your Mom and knowing she's never actually ever left you! She wants you to be happy for her, and she doesn't want you to mourn... Almost impossible to do, I know... But I believe in her intentions.
Those who have parted,never leave us,as they remain alive in our memories & hearts! When we have these ups and downs,we must ask ourselfs:"What would my sister/dad/mom/ wanted me to do or feel?" They would have wanted us to carry on,and reach day by day,"the good " in life.Even if this hurts at first.We honor them letting go of the sadness,and trying to feel better each day....to honor their memory.....
My sister has been gone a week today. August 13, 2007 7:06 PM
In July 1995, my grandfather Vicente died and in september my daddy. Some days or weeks after my dad died I had a dream, my mom opened the door of my room and asked me if I could guess who visited me, my father show his face, smile and dissappeared.
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Dreams can be a source of major comfort throughout the years. I believe they are sent to deliver us a message of hope. This Thursday will be 14 years since Laurel was killed; as I wrote in a separate thread, it is possible for time to collapse and the event to be as if it happened yesterday. But, two nights ago I had a dream with Laurel as a little girl. I cannot remember many of the details, but there were a few that stick in mind. The feeling was one of joy and happiness. When I woke, I could feel the joy in the dream but wept and soaked my pillow that Laurel was no longer living. I have returned to that dream and its feelings to find comfort and hope. There have been precious few dreams involving Laurel, but I hold onto each one tightly and revisit them when I want help.