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Difficult holiday? February 10, 2007 2:50 PM

Each holiday may have its own challenges in our grief journey, but Valentines Day might be one of the toughest for some.  The day of celebrating love may only serve to remind us of the absence of our loved one.  Is that true for group members?  What do you do to mitigate the sadness?  [ send green star]
 
Well, my dear man Tim... February 11, 2007 1:05 PM

Well, my dear man Tim...February is plainly a rough month for me period. Rachel Beth, my niece, passed away on February 12th, 2003. And now one of my best friends online Cate, lost her wonderful son Eben in February. You are probably right Tim, February, the month of love is a difficult one to waltz through but somehow we muddle through it by channeling our voices into new adventures on their behalf. Me through my writing,  life, books and poetry. And there are tough days, but I get through them and make the best I can out of it all in her honor and on her behalf.---ginger  [ send green star]
 
Ginger February 12, 2007 2:06 PM

Wow - a really rough month!  My thoughts and prayers are with you, especially on this four-year anniversary.  Take care...  [ send green star]
 
Tim February 12, 2007 2:37 PM

During the past month I have visited this site at least once a week.  Each time I was brought to tears by the stories that the members have shared.  It is comforting to know there are people like you who care so deeply for the well being of others.  I am currently supporting a friend who lost two family members before Christmas 2006 .  My dear friend is depressed and overwhelmed with grief.  Often it is difficult for me to understand how I can help him, and it saddens me.  I have noticed from experience that men handle grief in a much different way than women.    I lost a child due to a miscarriage, and a soulmate  due to suicide, several years ago, just before christmas. The pain is not as intense as the first few months, but each holiday is still difficult.  Unlike my companion, I can talk about my experience.  It helps me cope with my loss.  Unfortunately, my friend finds it difficult to do the same.  I am feeling overwhelmed, now that is only two days away from Valentines. Releasing this has helped.  I thank you for allowing me to share.  [ send green star]
 
Virginia February 12, 2007 2:50 PM

Thank you for the kind words.  Those of us on a grief journey (or many of them, as in your case) each must walk our own path, but having someone who has experienced a path and understands can make a major difference.  Losses around holidays are especially hard, and the pain never goes away.  It can lessen over time, but the smallest of things - sound, smell, touch - can bring the hurt immediately forward.  If your friend would like share his grief with me or this group, it is a safe and loving environment thanks to Ginger and Giuliana's guidance.  My email is julepjerk@care2.com, if an individual email would help.  As you no doubt know, the first year is always the hardest.  My suggestion is not to fight the feelings/emotions/issues that arise, but to accept them as a natural part of the grief journey and just work with/through them as you can.  Resisting or denying them only intensifies them and can get a person "stuck" in grief so that they do not progress.  My prayers just grew...take care.  [ send green star]
 
 February 23, 2007 6:54 PM

i'm new and know that feeling of loss or grief..my mom died 1 and 2 months ago right before christmas.myself cry and miss my mom very much,,not a day her spirit doesn't enter my mind.maybe in time will get easier we are a big family of 7..the rest will deal in there own ways..i know my mom has passed to see me and we talk.like in my mind the thoughts come in answers..like a gift of some kind.well just wanted to say this..anyways my parents r together and in harmony and love..thank you..tata..  [ send green star]
 
 February 23, 2007 6:55 PM

i meant 1 year and 2 months..  [ send green star]
 
Vera February 23, 2007 7:38 PM

Thank you for sharing.  All of us here in this group understand what you are feeling.  You are correct that each person's grief journey is unique.  What you are feeling is normal and many of us have gone through it.  I still talk to my daughter after over 13 years.  Mostly now it's to thank her for sharing her precious time on earth with me, but my prayers to her have covered a wide varioety of topics as time has progressed.  Just over one year, especially for so important a person as your mother, is very short.  Treat yourself well, and feel free to share your feelings and emotions in this group...it is safe, and we understand.  [ send green star]
 
This group is always the spot for me to be when life gets really rough.... February 25, 2007 2:53 PM

I am feeling the love within the walls of this safe group. Sending out love to ALL of you. I wish that I could take your grief away, but that would not be  and easy task to do either. But sharing with others is the only way I can best understand it. I was listening the other day to something on NPR radio about grief and of course did not have time to listen to it all about handling grief and it stated how we feel pangs of it return for years after the loved ones passings. It will always be there and there is no shame in this folks. It just means you loved them well and that they themselves were very loved souls and only one who has lost a loved one can truly understand this folks. peace & blessings upon all of you. This is the place for me to visit whenever life really hits bottom too. Your souls are all a breath of fresh air. ---ginger  [ send green star]
 
 February 26, 2007 6:25 PM

Thanking you for your prayers during Valentines.  It helped me considerably.  My companion must have felt it because he called me the very next day.  His guides told him that I needed comforting.  You see we lost a close friend at the beginning of the month and my friend Jimmy died tragically February 5, 2007.  This month has been difficult but with close friends and the prayers of the people in this group I am stronger.  I have been going out into public places to meet new people.  Even a smile or a wave from a stranger lifts my spirits.  My best advice is to reach out to anyone and everyone, including animals.  The love is there waiting to be released and shared with anyone.  I sometimes forget there are kindred spirits.  When I am feeling very sad I feel like I'm the only one feeling this way.  Sometimes the sadness is so overwhelming that I feel all alone in my grief.  This happened the night before Jimmy's funeral.  Then I heard a voice say, "You made them happy when they were on earth."  I smiled and went to sleep.  The next morning the tears flowed.  I felt the energy from this group during the days that followed.  Thanks to Ginger for the acknowledgement of my contribution.  I am always happy to share my journey.  Hope your days ahead will be joyful.  Bless all of you!

 [ send green star]
 
 February 26, 2007 8:46 PM

It has amazed me how people/angels appear in our lives just when we need them most.  After Laurel's death, there were folks who showed up on my commuter bus and offered me books and reading materials that were directly relevant and comforting.  Then, they stopped riding the bus and I've never seen them again...if you are open to the experience, I believe you will receive the help you need.  Which, of course, includes the marvelous members of this group...  [ send green star]
 
grief February 26, 2007 9:03 PM

my daughter was killed in an auto accident almost twelve years ago. a drunk driver hit the car head on and they couldnt get my daughter out when it caught fire. i almost lost my son also.  hes now 28 and into drugs and alcohol. i dont know how to deal with him. i am single and his dad has never been there. not even at the time of the accident. i would think that because of what killed his sister he would be sober. any suggestions in how to deal with him. and how long is too long to grieve. i still am.   [ send green star]
 
Sandra February 27, 2007 7:43 AM

Will write more later, but for now let me say that grief never ends - you try to find ways to incorporate it as part of your life and continue to go on, but there are always moments where it becomes overwhelming.  That is absolutely normal and okay.  The key is working not to get stuck in those moments - let them happen, and then move on.  [ send green star]
 
Grief March 01, 2007 5:27 PM

Sandra, I lost my 19 y/o daughter to drug  OD on 11-25-2006, she was 3 months pregnant. My son was sentenced to 6 years in prison on 9-29-2006. He also had a drug problem. I can relate to your grief. My faith in God is the only way my wife and I keep our sanity. If it was'nt for that I probably would lose my mind or commit suicide. I believe that all we can do is try to cope the best way possible, for me that is Faith. I will keep you and your son in prayer, believe that. Things can only get better. God bless you and yours.  [ send green star]
 
 March 02, 2007 7:29 AM

Dearest Friends,

I've been away so long because of health and... Internet problems.  Things are getting better now and so I'm finally back!  I did miss each and everyone of you!

Before I reply to this topic, I need to ask you if you know what a "Name Day" is...  Well, according to the Catholic religion, every day people celebrate a Saint...  The Saints they are named after are those persons' "Name Days"...  They're considered very important occasions, more or less like birthdays...  With celebrations, gifts, parties, etc.  Saint Giuliana's is on Feb. 16, which is right after (St.) Valentine's Day.

All this to say that - since I lost my beloved husband, about three years ago - February has turned into a sad, lonely month...  I don't celebrate either Valentine's or Giuliana's Day anymore...  Of course, I miss both dates because they used to be very special to me...  While now I simply choose to ignore both as much as I can...

One more thing I need to specify is that - in Italy - Valentine's Day is for lovers only...  No friends/relatives are included in the celebrations...  That's what makes it harder on me!

But - that's part of life... 

To all those who have lost their loved ones and are still grieving, I can only say that I share the feeling...  My heart goes out to you, my dear friends...  I hope time will give you peace of mind and only good, sweet memories of those who are no longer on this Earth...

With love and hugs,

Giuliana aka Princess Little Rock

 [ send green star]
 
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