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How do we do it? April 08, 2005 7:12 AM

How do we do it? Get through those special days that we shared with our loved ones while they were on earth? Doesn't even have to be a holiday. Perhaps the anniversary of their deaths, their births or some day that just brings them back into your world of the physical plane.

How do some of you shake off /deal withthose hard emotional moments that sometimes comeout of the blue to bring usback to that moment when it got the best of you? AS always we ask this in empathy for we have walked the sorrow trail ourselves and are still learning from this sorrow walk with each passing of day. Sometimes you don't always feel like living and participating with lifesince they are no longer amongst the livingbut you end up doing it for them and in memory or honor of them.But this is life as we know it without them. I bid everybody peace, love & prayerson here today that are walking that hard road currently with grief. Or walking in that moment. Extending the hand out to them in friendship and concern. with love---ginger

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 April 08, 2005 7:42 AM

how do we do it, indeed. I am discovering that for me, grief and sorrow was not a short term, finite thing that had to be gotten through and then it was over. I now know that it has and will continue to have changed me for the rest of my life. and thats ok...because I now live more spiritually, I am finding the truth of myself.

I have found that those who have not experienced profound loss, while well meaning, and compassionate....cannot know the depths that those of us left behind experience. I have found that when I am having a bad day, I do not want to talk about it with those who have not gone through it themselves. reaching out to the people who are walking the sorrow path helps me, and I find that it is only necessary to say to them that it is a hard day...they understand.

some days...all I want to do is to leave this earth and follow my sister through the veil to be with her again, some days I can tell a memory of her and laugh. Some days, I can create a piece of art using her tools and feel her hand in mine, creating with me. My friends on the path keep me going, remembering that I was left behind for some purpose keeps me going, and the sure knowledge that I have that we will be together again keeps me going.

Anniversaries are hard, holidays are hard, miscellaneous days for no discernable reason are hard. and sometimes just curling up in a ball under a warm quilt is the way to get through them.

Today, this day, I have strength, I can get out of bed and do things...and one of the things I can do is wish that those who need it, take some of the strength I have, take some of the hope and courage if it will help you. I understand, I will listen to your stories, I will let you talk.

blessings......Novella

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We are truly blessed that you have come here Novella... April 08, 2005 7:55 AM

We are truly blessed that you have come here Novella...Thank you for the strong words and sharing them. They truly make alot of sense. People who haven't walked the path of sorrow yet, find it difficult to understand and really connect I am afraid Novella. Sometimes I think that some think death is contagious? Perhaps it is a fear thing on their part too.

Sorrow and grieving is not something you ever forget and well you deal with this the rest of your time on earth. I don't believe either that it simply goes away. I have learned and gained a tremendous amountfrom my walk but it is far from over. And I shall continue to walk it however I am meant to with no guilt or shame my friends. I don't live in the past but I look to the future with them still in it however limited they are in itbecause of my memories and human capabilities. Peace & blessings upon you for your strength and wisdom Novella for which I feel you are truly blessed. ---ginger

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With individuality and strength April 08, 2005 12:09 PM

I don't know that one can describe to another how to get through the difficult periods after loss. Each experience is unique, encompassing the person, their belief system, experiences, support system, etc. I know that no one, no matter how empathetic and sympathetic,can understand or feel the pain we do unless they have gone through a similar loss.

I took days off work on the anniversary of Laurel's birth and death for 10 years. Nothing special, just a day to be alone and feel the loss and pain. Planned on continuing that "tradition", but critical issues came up atwork and I respected my boss enough to work on those days last year.

There are moments that strike without warning in which I hear Laurel's voice or visualize her in a certain situation and the tears and sorrow cannot be held back. I try to find a place to be alone and let the tears and hurt flow, full-strength. Then, when I feel able, I "come back" and continue on.The entire month ofDecember was a bad period for me last year - just couldn't get rid of the hurt or tears. When I needed to, I asked others for their patience. Accepting that it is not a choice, but just something that happens (and will happen for the rest ofmy life) helped me to not be ashamed or try to hide what was happening. Others may have difficulty accepting or dealing with it, but that is their issue, not mine - I don't deliberately involve them, and try to be as considerate as possible.

I believe that I am here to live the best life I can, making a difference where I am able. Every experience andchoicein my past has made me what I am today. The hurt reminds me of that past and that I need to offer everything I can all the time because we have no guarantees.

In short, I think self-acceptance and the love and support of friends and family are how we do it....

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 April 12, 2005 1:23 AM

The date that my husband passed away is imprinted permanantly on my mind, I have noticed as the day approaches each year I get moody, miserable, short tempered and weepy. I think everyone handles these things differently. I used to take flowers to his grave each january for his birthday until I realised that he is not there and him being the way he was would want me to buy the flowers and have them in the home instead, which if he was anywhere on the earth plane, that is where he'd be...with me, so I planted snowdrops at his grave to represent the coming spring and rebirth and they flower near his birthday.  [ send green star]
 
 April 12, 2005 3:13 PM

After the passing of my Gurudeva i involbed myself in different Orgs. and helping others with intensity in a way i wanted to be so busy i will not think about it but still took me almost a year to feel confident again.

when time aproaches to the anniversary i get all sentimental and feel the hurt the same if had just happened.

i know i will never totally recuperate but then i know when i leave this world He will be there waiting for me and this makes me feel happy will be together again in the other side.

love to all

tulsi

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 April 26, 2005 2:16 PM

So far I've had thetendency to withdraw by disconnecting the phone and avoiding people in general, if possible. I find it healing. The next day I'm fine... However, since May 3 will be the first anniversary of my husband's passing, I think it would be too difficult for me to be alone, and so I have accepted some friends' invitation to spend the whole day with them... They've even taken time off from work! And my blessings go to them.

Giuliana aka Princess Little Rock

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Today all it took was a song that I heard on the radio... April 27, 2005 8:49 AM

Today all it took was a song that I heard on the radio that brought me back again but I kept that radio on and went right along with the emotions that flowed to eventide. All I know is this, she was loved beyond comprehension and the lyrics that flowed from this song no longer haunt me but give me a sense of love from her and from mefor her. It was a song by Jewel and well here are the lyrics in the event that anybody else should derive comfort from this moment and I hope feel as blessed for you deserve that moment too. ---ginger

Hands
If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know
But they re not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
Poverty stole your golden shoes
It didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
I am never broken

In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters

I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray

My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken

My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken
We are Gods eyes
Gods hands
Gods mind
We are Gods eyes Gods hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands
We are God's hands

Jewel,


1998

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