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A Place to Chat, Laugh, Cry, & Vent
7 years ago
8 years ago
sorry about the typos
8 years ago
Thanks so much, Gerry.  My daughter has left the nest, she's 17 and on her way to college.  My cancer bloodtest has shown a recent rise but it di not keep rising as I anticipated it would(that's what it has done before, kept rising.)  So with a little bit of a closer watch, no aother tests for now, just more bloodwork in 6 weeks. I was worried about these bringing me down, but now I am still happy for my daughter and happy not to worry about the cancer for the moment.  I feel silly for making worried comments! 
You're in our thoughts
8 years ago


Please do write us, when you're up to it. 

Wishing you strength & hope, 


8 years ago
I hope to come back very soon to finish/continue/follow up on this post that I am making now, but because I'm feeling a bit nauseated at the moment I just wanted to quickly say that I am probably going to be wanting support and communication in the next week or more, because I am having some troubles!!!!
8 years ago

Are you out there? How's it going? I have kinda gone to both extremes... being "ever so confident" to wondering "what the heck am I thinking!?!" It has become a much longer road than I thought it would be.

But still, I feel I am on the right track. I just have to try better to ignore thoughs bumps in the road and keep right on "keepin' on". Lol... can you tell I am a hippy at heart? Shows my age....


Peace to all! Love ya's, Mel

Thanks Melissa..
9 years ago

Yes, the journey of going off my medications is going well, but not perfect....but every week is getting better....I AM enjpying life MORE...I am FEELING more, I am feeling JOY, and happinesss...and I haven't for a long time...I think that this particular medication was suppressing me....that the time had come to go off of it...but perhaps until now, I wasn't ready, and now I am...

I feel more vulnerable, more real....

It's good to know that someone else is on this journey...but it isn't one to take when one isn't ready...I have ALOT of support in place....and I am going thru it with consciousness and awareness of a re-entering the world as my true self...not a watered down version....I can't do that anymore....

The joy I feel is making all the difficult parts worthwhile....this feeling of joy is so precious to me...

Anyways, I hope that everyone else is doing okay...and thanks for your words Melissa...I love the updated photo of you by the're cute as a button!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good night all, hope everyone is safe on their own journey...

Love, Sarah

9 years ago

Sarah, I can echo everything that you wrote in your post! It was really rather strange reading it... for I could have written most of what you said myself. I have my "shaky" moments, but all in all, I FEEL more than what I have in years. And I agree, this (going off from meds) is probablly NOT for everyone... but I felt like I wasn't coping or feeling better... I felt numb. And I am NOT off from my meds yet, I just have cut my dosage in half... with plan, as long as things keep feeling "right" to me, to cut them even further back. I am NOT rushing this though... one small step at a time... and we will see what happens.

Good luck to you Sarah, and to everyone else here who has felt the pain of depression, whether or not you are taking meds, going the way of homopathy, or any of the many other options out there. What I am doing may not work, but I truly feel that this is right for me... right now, in my life.

Peace and Love to Each and Every One of you!


9 years ago
Wishing you good luck Sarah!
going off journey
9 years ago

Hi's been months for me since I wrote here....but here it goes...

I am currently taking myself off of Effexor and doing fairly well....some 'weird 'dizzy spells and odd visuals.....but also, reclaiming more of my SELF...more expansion, deeper sleep, deeper breathing, learning to expand out as exactly who I am and not be so afraid or feel that i am odd or weird...

I have been on and off medications for years and years, esp. before and after my mother's passing almost 10 years now, with lots of rest and time alone, with friends supporting me, with herbal medicine already in place and other natural, gentle supplements to try and experiment with, here I is NOT easy, but it IS GOOD!!! I feel both more vulnerable and more alive, and ready to be my true no longer matters what others think of me...I like this me that is re-emerging....

And I'm also terrified and uncertain, but moreso, curious and courageous....I no longer want to rely on pharmecueticals....I want to be free of them...this is my choice is NOT that everyone else should do the same....I respect everyone's journey...

Just wanted to share this, and also because I related to some of what Melissa shared, and it sounds familiar, a little similar...thanks Melissa...

i am having a lovely, gentle evening of rest after a hard days work...we have had our first two days of snow's all good...

Good night all,

Sarah cozy in canada

9 years ago
they are going to make us force it out of them....
9 years ago

Hey Everyone! Sorry I haven't been here much latley... I have injured my wrist, and it has been really really hard to work and with having to "favor" the one hand...well, it has made it too sore to do any typing (plus the painkillers make me fall asleep). My mom has been a godsend, working her own job and then being at my place to help change my massage room around in-between clients...  So, sorry that I have been so remiss in my duties as co-host... and friends... I have missed you all!

And I am waiting to hear all the juciy details of Michelle and Gary's first "date".... you two aren't going to keep us completly in the dark, are you??? (lol.. well, I am just curious... not trying to pry... it is just so nice to hear of two people finding eachother... a romantic at heart...

Until tomorrow, hoping all is well with everyone...

Peace and Love to you ALL!


9 years ago

Hi everyone! Haven't heard from any of you lately so I hope everyone is doing well!

9 years ago
I'm just so glad to have you back Gerry!!!!!!!
9 years ago
Great responses to both posts Melissa!
9 years ago

Gerry if after 2 to 3 weeks you see no improvement or not enough call your doctor.  They need to change the dosage or go to another medicine.  A general practitioner is limited on what they know about mental health. You might some day want to have your doctor refer you to a specialist.

9 years ago

Nymphadora if your 3 kids are already grown why would you want to start over at 46 with more babies?  Did you make it clear to him that you cannot have any more babies?  If you haven't then tell him.  Let him know that you do like him but that if he is set on more children you would rather he move on before you get hurt. Let him make the choice of what he wants.

9 years ago

What about YOU? If you were still able, would you even WANT to have more children? I can not really give you advise on this one... I had a complete hysterectomy at 27 years old. My second husband wanted more kids... I couldn't have them and didn't want more anyways. He decided that he wanted me more than he wanted more children.... but it still has been a disaster.

I guess it still goes back to that "HOPE" that everyone keeps talking about... You have to have "hope" that, if things progress between you and this man, that he will come to love you... complete with the parts you have AND the parts you don't.

I am one of those people who believe that there is far more than one person on this planet that could be your soul mate. The important thing is for you to feel strong about yourself first. It takes courage to put yourself out there in a relationship... but it takes even more to KNOW that you can make it on your own.

As for me, I have been on so many meds... and STILL not felt right, that I have given up on them. I am weaning myself off from everything... I want... no, I NEED to see just how I feel on my own now. I am now on week two of everything cut in half, and I sure don't feel any WORSE. (Plus I am saving big buck on my scripts... which, I think is helping with my anxiety problems... I'm saving money... no health insurance... ) I'll keep you all posted on how I am doing.

Stay safe everyone!

Peace and Love, Melissa

"HOW'D It go?"
9 years ago

I was my friends.

This is what I wrote and told one.

IT being the meeting of the most romantic, caring, kind, creative,humorus,handsome man I have ever met.

NOTE: to those who do not know me, I have been married 2 times, survived three rapes, have three adult children. I am looking for a soul mate to spend the rest of my days with, not someone to breed with, as you will read those days for me are over, made by a life and death choice. 



Everything went SUPER FINE...
We click so well...laugh at things

We even finished each others sentances and spoke the same words at the same time! 
He is the one I want to spend the rest of my days with.
I just have ONE flaw...
Not my eyes...
He loves my eyes...
Not my smile, he loves that too...
Not my weight...
Not my hair...
Stupid me, I gave up my Uterus a few years ago, a few too soon, I had to, I was dying and I had to save my life!
And NOW I cannot have children, and he says he wants them.
So NOW do we become friends with BENIFITS...The Chemistery is there...( but I know ME, and THAT leads ME to LOVE relationships )
and see how long before he finds a uterus working woman, or do I bail out NOW because MY heart gets involved with "Friends with benefits"
I can barely take this now, knowing that someday the thing that KILLS our relationship would be the thing that I had removed to save my life...
How could I step aside and watch my "FRIEND" match up with a woman that could bare him children?

That would be a huge gift, to let go a man I feel I could love forever.


I do not know.
How could I let my heart get broken that way again!?


I am pondering these things.

I do not know what to do now.


9 years ago
I love breakfast foods for dinner!
9 years ago

I think it's great that you are going to school! Maybe as you get a little more used to the scedule you won't be as tired. Naps are good.

What gets me through
9 years ago
I've just finished my second week of college.     I'm a full time student, and am not at all used to being this active.  I am on disability because I have a very hard time maintaining a regular job (I too have other health problems besides depression).   I am finding school hard- not the work itself, but the work load.  It's making me very tired (more than usual).   However, being so busy is helping to keep my mind focused on things other than my depression.   I think it also helps knowing that even though there's a lot of time and work that I will have to put in over the next couple years, I am ultimately working towards a higher goal.
My vision of the futurel isn't entirely clear, but I have a good idea of how I want my life to be.  This is also something very new to me.
Generally, my goal has been to get through an entire day or week.  It was very difficult for me to focus on anything in the future at all.  It still is difficult, but I am getting better.

I'm very sleepy. I had an 8am class today and was woken up by a hotdog vender who sets up shop outside my building thurs., fri., and sat. nights.  He was hammering nails at 1:15 am outside my bedroom window.  That pissed me off big time. I missed my bus this morning.   I found another way to get to school, and arrived on time, but have been sleepy all morning.  So I'm going to take a nap.  (And then I'm gonna let him have it tonight!)
Anyway, have a good weekend everyone.
9 years ago
Hello! I have been lately doing like you Sarah, and agree that I feel somewhat beter once I make the big step of just getting myself going. I think I need to talk to my doctor though, because in spite of increased meds I feel like I keep going through the battle every few days. That can make you start feeling pretty rough after a while. My sister who is bi-polar 1 keeps telling me she thinks I have something worse than depression/anxiety, because apparently she talks to her psychiatrist about me! Which I was surprised to hear and it doesn't make me feel very good! I don't even want to think about it becoming something worse.
better today than yesterday
9 years ago

This is a good idea Gerry...

I haven't shared here in awhile...

Yesterday was a REALLY bad day....feeling completely lost, no hope, crying, emotional, feeling like I was stuck and never going to get where I want to be...

Today, I got up, walked out the door feeling tentative, and then life was okay, and I gave it my best, and by the end of this day, I have hope and some faith renewed...

I find that a big part of my battle, whether in my personal life, or whether thinking of the state of the planet and our human consciousness, is FAITH, HOPE and TRUST....these are my areas that I struggle with...and a big part of whether I have a good day or a bad day...

I am so greatful to have had courage today, gone out the door, just let my life happen, and to know that I gave my all today, naturally and moment to moment...I am finding this is the best way for me to get thru my depression and anxiety...

lately, my struggle with depression and anxiety has become worse again...and that has been disheartening....but I am managing to make daily effort towards matter how little, as long as I do SOMETHING...

How is everyone else??

Love, Sarah

A Place to Chat, Laugh, Cry, & Vent
9 years ago
| Hot!

     I'd like to make this a place where you can share how you're feeling today.  Write about just about anything related to you and how you're doing lately.