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Soon to be stay-with-child Dad - need advice about home childcare June 12, 2004 10:28 AM

Since I work part-time from home, and my wife has a good full-time job, we've decided that once her maternity leave is finished, I will continue to work and look after our daughter. While my hours are somewhat flexible, what I would really like to do is have someone come to the house for around 3 hours each weekday to look after our baby, so I can be guaranteed a particular amount of time where I do not have to be at her beck and call My wife's maternity leave is coming to an end at the end of June, so we need to work something out very soon. Has anyone any advice on the concept itself, and/or on trying to find someone?  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 June 12, 2004 12:32 PM

Most of the time family members will help or take turns helping if there's more than one of them!  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 June 12, 2004 4:33 PM

But family members can be unreliable and it can be like borrowing money - don't do it with family! Although it's true some do it successfully. I would recommend someone who is familiar with and supports attachment parenting (baby wearing, breastfeeding - or breastmilk-feeding, etc) so the transitions for your little one will be as painless as possible. Good luck!  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Family members not an option June 13, 2004 8:31 AM

Family members are not an option, since I come from England, my wife comes from Michigan...and we live in New Jersey! Besides, I can really understand what you say, Nancy, about using family members. Any good ideas for hooking up with people with similar ideas about attachment parenting?  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Hi Graham June 13, 2004 9:24 AM

In my community, we have a shop called Mother's Haven, which the owner has made into a real hub for attachment parenting support and resources. I imagine this is somewhat unusual, but maybe there is something like this in your part of New Jersey. Also, La Leche League chapters or natural childbirthing centers (Bradley, etc.) might be good places to check out. These are what come to mind for me. Hope they help a little! -Kirsten  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 June 13, 2004 1:56 PM

Graham, I may have mentioned this site to you before, but look at They have WONDERFUL forums. There is one called finding your tribe with a subforum "tribal areas." It divides up into areas for example mine is North and South Carolina and Tennessee, since I live in SC. It's an easy way to find like minded people in your area that may have info on things where you live. Just post under the NJ tribal area, and tell where you are from, and ask if there are any good day care services or whatever in your area. maybe you could start up or find a sitter sharing service.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 June 13, 2004 6:41 PM

I'd like to suggest two places to look for help: Your local La Leche League group - those moms (& dads) and LLL leaders may already know people who would be willing to help out, or where to find good caregivers. Another place to go would be a local retirement community - as Americans travel and live farther from their own families, there may be youngish retired people who don't have grandchildren nearby who might love to help care for your baby. (I would certainly love to if I were retired!) If you belong to a church or temple, that's another place to ask for help or suggestions. Brenda  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Thanks for all the great ideas - keep 'em coming! June 14, 2004 7:05 AM

Thank you all for the great ideas. Looks like I have some homework to do (actually, I should say MORE homework, as I still need to follow up on the cloth diaper info that Angie so kindly passed my way!). If anyone else has any ideas, please let us know, and I'll report back here with anything useful I find out.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Finding my tribe! June 15, 2004 4:07 PM

Thanks to Angie's suggestion, I've posted a message on the site. Hopefully I'll find some local help. Next step La Leche League.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
No tribal response - yet! June 16, 2004 10:59 AM

Just thought I'd let you know that the message I posted yesterday at has not been responded to. In fact, only 5 people have read it. It seems like quite a busy forum, so I'm guessing that I might have reached a dead-end. Not sure whether I'll get time to contact LLL today, but that will be next.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Latest News June 23, 2004 6:09 AM

Well I did get one response from the forum. One Mom who lives quite close said she'd ask around her friends. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like anyone's in a position to be able to do it, but she did offer some other good suggestions. I did try my local La Lech League leaders, but I chose a bad night, since 1 was out, 1 was just going out, and the other had moved out of the area! So, I need to call them back. I'll keep you all posted as to what happens.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 June 25, 2004 8:01 PM

It might be worth asking around to see if there are any homeschool groups in your area (since they are home during the day, typically) I know a local family here with two teenage girls that are incredibly reliable. In fact, I did ask if they might be interesting in just what you are planning--I was going to go back to grad school full time and was trying to figure out how I could get some schoolwork done during the day. Of course, you'd have to screen them just like you would anyone else--make sure they are people you like and trust--but its another option to explore.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Update - La Leche League July 07, 2004 5:54 PM

Well, my wife went back to work last Wednesday, and it was a tough few days! I hardly managed to get any work done at all. It was not much fun for either of us with her in a sling, especially in the hot and humid weather we're experiencing. Things were a little better today. Unfortunately, the LLL were next to useless. I found our local chapter and called all three leaders listed on their website. One had moved out of the area. One said "We don't really do that, we're all about breastfeeding", and none of them were able to offer any suggestions at all. So, I'll now be considering some of the other suggestions that were made.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 July 13, 2004 5:35 PM

I am not telling you what to do I can only say that I would not leave a child that cant talk yet with a stranger. But I am an old fashioned guy that doesnt believe women should work so I work while my wife looks after the kids.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Working Women July 21, 2004 1:08 PM

I could not believe I read such a sexist comment on this forum. I wasn't even sure I was going to respond. But I must! I have a female partner and we plan to have children. We know we'd like one of us to stay home, but since we are both women one of us will be working. I am just as capable if not more so to take care of my family and work. Especially in this day and age and in this type of group all families are different and what works for each other them is different. Women have a right to have a family and a career as much as any man! I resent your sexist comment and don't undersand why you are in this group at all!  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
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