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AP with toddler and infant July 16, 2004 8:30 PM

Hello folks, I have very recently discovered that I am expecting a second child. Now that the panic is past, I can say that this is a lovely suprise. But it IS a suprise and is making me worry about a lot of what I am doing with son #1. He is 14 months now and will probably be 21 months when the new baby comes. I had planned on just one child and felt I had a lot more leeway with behaviors than I feel like I may have with 2 kids. He has a queen-sized futon in his room on which I spend most of the night with him. We nurse through the night and all day on demand. I had planned to nurse him until he was three, since that's what my mom did with me, but am not sure how baby #2 will fit in safely. The way he switches sides at night is by diving over me when I roll over if I don't move him myself. This is great fun for both of us, but ... Dad is willing to become son's co-sleeper while I sleep with the newborn, but this would mean an end to his night nursing. I know the milk will be changing to be for the newborn and some children don't like it anymore. I have my doubts with him--I think he really likes the closeness and just the sucking. Anyone know WHEN this change in milk quality comes. If he weaned himself, or cut WAY back that would solve a lot of my worries. Phew! I think that sums up my situation and my question is who has gone through this or just has good ideas. Gentle ways of dealing with him are appreciated--I'm stressed enough with worries about this to be affecting his behavior, so we are escalating right now (I mentioned Ferber to husband tonight because of nighttime nursing woes right now!). Thanks for any input! -Kirsten  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
2nd baby coming still nursing 1st July 16, 2004 11:01 PM

I experienced this same problem many years back. It was easier than I thought,I was more worried about it than my child. After about the 4th month he just weaned himself. My son was about 4 months older than your oldest. I think that it was the taste or "something" about my milk as he would "taste" and and push me away then pull back and just snuggle. He acted grumpy and confused but was happy with a bottle of water or milk as long as I was there. By this age he was eating quite a bit of food and the nursing was more of a comfort ritual than anything else. As for worrying about sleeping with the new baby, we all slept together and he understood the baby was little and needed to nurse. I had a queen size bed and 6 children. They each had their own bed but mine was always there when they wanted it. They each moved on in their own time. 4 of them are adults with their own children now. It was great and our family is still very close.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 July 17, 2004 7:58 AM

With my girls being 4 yrs apart, I never had to worry too much about nursing, so I can't help you there. But, dd1 did regress a bit from being a 4 yr old to acting more like a baby. She got upset more often, acted out her jealousy...typical behavior. The best advice I can give is when ever you get a chance (baby is napping) spend some good quality lovey time with ds. Let him help as much as he wants with care for the baby, you know-get changing supplies for you, etc. The biggest thing is not to let him feel left out. My dd1 was a little older so she understood more than a 21 mo. old will. So yours may regress even more like a baby...crawling instead of walking, he will do anything to make you think he is still the baby! Congratulations, and I hope you made sense of my ramblings!  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 July 17, 2004 3:22 PM

Congratulations! I am breastfeeding my 3 1/2 year old and my 5 month old. They both sleep in my bed with me. You might consider getting the book Adventures in Tandem Nursing. Continuing to breastfeed the older child is a great way to help the older child adjust to the transition and accept the new baby.  [ send green star]
 July 17, 2004 3:29 PM

Also, don't worry, your body can make plenty of milk for both children. Make sure you drink TONS of water and eat when you're hungry. Most mothers I've talked to who go through this say that their older child doesn't mind the change in taste of the breastmilk, and wants to keep breastfeeding. This has been my own experience as well. In fact, there's usually a temporary increase in how much the older child wants to breastfeed.  [ send green star]
 July 19, 2004 3:19 PM

I'm tandem nursing my 3 1/2 year old and my 10 month old. It's definately something that you can do if you don't want to wean your older baby yet. We have a queen sized futon and both kids sleep with me (with me in the middle). What I do for switching sides is just roll to whichever kid wants to nurse, so that nobody is climbing over me.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 July 20, 2004 11:07 PM

Kirsten: Although I have done both, BF while pregnant or tandem nursing is great for some, not so great for others. The best advise I can offer to you considering your questions is this: #1: RUN far from the Ferber book! Try Elizabeth Pantley's "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" for getting your baby to sleep more at night. Also, you should start going to La Leche League Meetings now. There are always Leaders and moms at the meetings who have "been there done that" and nothing helps more than the voice of one who's got that. Also, you'll get lots of "advise" from friends and family but to stay within the AP believe system, you need to talk to others like yourself and you are likely to find them there. BTW Alice, you don't need to drink TONS of water when nursing. That will just make you feel all sloshy and bloated. As you eat to hunger, so should you drink to thirst: the gospel according to LLL ! Best of Luck to you Kirsten.. and congratulations!  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 July 21, 2004 6:19 PM

Well, I was exaggerating of course, but it is important to drink lots of water when you are pregnant and nursing or when you are tandem nursing. I personally don't always notice when I'm thirsty, or I mistake it for hunger, so I have to consciously remember to drink adequate amounts of fluids.  [ send green star]
Three months later ... :) October 25, 2004 8:30 AM

Thanks for lots of great advice from everyone! It turns out that I am expecting TWO new little boys instead of just one. This was quite a suprise and has changed some things, of course, and some other stuff has just worked out as Zane has gotten a little older. We've ended up weaning. He had gone down to about once a day on his own by about 16 months and then I read LLL saying that moms pregnant with twins really shouldn't be nursing at all. This is mostly because of the greater nutrient needs in making twins, but also seemed to be because my milk production pretty much stopped. Now, Zane gets cuddle time at my belly instead of my breasts. He's fascinated with my belly and belly button, as well as his own and other kids' and adults'! Once the twins are here, I will be happy to let him start nursing again when he wants to. After the new guys have gotten their nutrient needs, that is. Take care everyone, Kirsten P. mom to Zane 4/29/03 b/b twins edd 2/22/05  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
Twins! October 26, 2004 10:46 AM

Congratulations!!  [ send green star]
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