How you're seen more important than who you are for happy marriage.
A groundbreaking study of long-wed couples finds the personality traits spouses perceive in each other are actually better predictors of marital satisfaction than the ones they perceive in themselves. In other words, it's not necessarily that you're conscientious and agreeable but that your partner sees you as such.
A relationship is a living thing. It needs & benefits from the same attention to detail that an artist lavishes on his art. ~ David Viscott
Please Diana could you change your group to the newer format. It is very difficult sometimes to even post in here b/c of the contravening formats. Thanks
I was speaking to some neighbours down the road during last week who came up for a quick visit. I am single and never (sadly but some say well done!) been married. Being single and I can only speak for myself, I have this tendency to just watch the interaction between married couples or people who have been in a couple relationship for a while, just to see how they conduct themselves and interact and also you could add them in with being parents too.
I find it absolutely fascinating and I see flaws in marriages that are huge. I understand and acknowledge people have flaws individually as well as collectively but its not necessarily about that and yet it is. Yup its a bit confusing. But what i love watching and to learn from them (glean knowledge if you like and being a people watcher) it is one of my favourite pastimes. During decades of couple watching I have only seen apart from my parents, 3 other couples that I could pin a huge gold star on their chests as passing such a mammoth task as being married. I have also commented to them, just that fact and I said that I would dearly love to invite them to my house so I could ask them in a friendly way, just how they got their marriages to work.
Fundamentally, it has hit me with a brick, that these 3 marriages encompass LOVE. They arent all over each other like a rash in a sickening way but the light touches, the caresses when they meet each other but most of all that quintessentially they have that essence over and above those around them and solely just for themselves to relish in.
They beam with light and love. Nothing but nothing could tear them apart.
They collectively these 3 couples who also dont know each other, behave in a loving way towards each other and each towards their children. Its like they are Blessed. Indeed they are. A marriage or a union that only others that dont would wish for.
I asked the couple the other night as I have the others and each of them said...''give and take.'' But I said, ''I hear this all the time but how so is this different in your relationship?''' He said '' if there is a slight conflict we are brave enough to address the situation in an adult manner without yelling and screaming on a point.''
My mothers recipe for a good marriage was, '' never ever go to bed without making up first or the argument or the fuming will escalate to the next day and the next, till its nearly too late to 'fix'.''
It seems to me and my humble opinion and why would i know? Seeing I have nothing at this time to compare but let me say that I am not blind in seeing what makes a good relationship the same as how should children behave. But its clear to me that these days, the younger generation dont have those values that make a couple or a marriage. Is it because we live a faster life? I dont think entirely but it can be, but its trying to cram tons of things into one day and perhaps chasing money? Money really is a killer if its not managed properly and is a killer of relationships/marriage, because after awhile no matter how you 'care' about a person, that essence of love seems to fade or get a bit misty.
I could go on but I ll stop. But these 3 couples are a delight to know and pity you cant bottle that wonderful essence they have or put it into a book so all can learn, but, in doing that pipe dream, everyone is different in their thoughts on relationships and marriage arent they. All I says is you have to know each other well, be honest and have chemistry which turns into love NOT lust and lots thing they are madly in love but they are only IN LUST.
My mantra is LUST TURNS TO DUST.
ANYWAY.... Im still searching...