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Just follow orders and learn to take it and deal with its my fate May 09, 2005 10:46 PM

I have learned over the years and a life time of abuse and toment that it does no good to say one word to them be a diplomat and follow orders compromise there is always someone worse then myself look at he th epeople in the far east abuse does not compare to what took place during and the after math of the tital wave that killed millions. Never fight back and never say or do anything that willmake cause trouble. I learned this and still live this way its allI know an dwill ever know but it works. Agtree with them and compromise and remeber to always be a dipolmat. I have told him at times to hit me go ahead bruises heal I don't care go ahead it will make yiou feel better do it. That takes th epower away and they leave you be.I know take it from a lifetime of abuse you learn how to handle it. Always remember there are so many out there in the world worse off then you are.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
We Make Our Own Fate May 10, 2005 7:53 AM

It really saddened me to read your post. I can feel your suffering. I have been in the same position myself, I, too, come from a lifetime of abuse. My ex-husband, who was from India, did not believe that women should look men in the eyes when they talked to them. It was, and is, the way that I am. I believe that if someone does not look you in the eyes when they are speaking to you, then they are probably lying. So we argued over this for 5 years, I finally told him to cut my eyes out and leave me blind, or shut up already. This shut him up. Then I left him and got help. Now I know that my opinions and thoughts are valid. I am a person who has rights, not because I live in a free country, but because I choose to stand up for myself, each and every day of my life. And I choose to stand up for others as well. It is my choice, my fate, to do this. I had to choose to not allow abuse in any form into my life ever again. I made that choice, and am much better off because of it. I am now free to follow MY Path, to do what I came here to do. Yes, many are worse off than we ever will be, and I pray for them daily, and give thanks for all the blessings in my life. Yet if we are not strong, we cannot help those who are suffering. We must learn to help ourselves first and foremost. We must learn to value ourselves once again. The time of changes is almost upon us. Mother Earth and all of her energies are shifting. It is up to women to teach the men how to connect with Mother Earth once again, to teach them how to live in harmony with her. We must make ourselves strong so that we are able to do this. Many who are suffering are doing so because they still have a lesson to learn. I believe that when they have learned their lesson, they will be ready to move on with their lives, and end their suffering. I pray that you will one day be able to do the same. If you need help, or just someone to talk to, feel free to email me. I am here to help if I can. The Creator has given me that gift, and pushes me each and every day to use it. It is at the request of the Creator that I responded to you. Therefore, our fate is our own, yet the Creator makes sure that we follow it. I pray that you remain strong, and retain your courage, so you can find what you came here to learn. Please be safe, DawnEagle (Stormy)  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 May 10, 2005 3:57 PM

YES IT IS TRUE THERE IS OS MUCH SUFFERING AND SO MUCH CRAP ALL OVER THE WORLD AND SOMEONE IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE WORSE OFF THAN YOU BUT FOR GOD'S SAKE YOU DONT HAVE TO SIT THERE AND TAKE ANY KIND OF ABUSE. PHYSCIALLY, SEXUALLY,MENTAL,VERBAL,EMOTIONAL. CALL THE POLICE GET HIM KICKED OUT OF THE HOUSE, I DONT CARE IF HE SAYS ITS HIS HOUSE, OR GO TO A SHELTER AND TAKE THE KIDS IF YOU GOT THEM. YOUR ONLY OPTION IS BEING DEAD. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? I'M SORRY TO BE SO HARSH I BEEN WHERE YOU ARE DONE ALL THE EXCUSES BUT I MADE IT. I LEFT ONE DAY AND NEVER LOOKED BACK AND I'M ALIVE TO TELL MY STORY  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
hello May 10, 2005 8:54 PM

The first thing that needs to be done hun is LOOSE THE MEN! No woman deserves ANY abuse, physcial, emotional, verbal, or sexual. I state this in knowing I went through alot! No one in my home town thought I would ever be able or the iggnorant ones, thought I wanted to leave the one I thought "I loved". I was with him for almost 8 years, and you know how good it feels to someone to know they are good? they are worth something? and that they DO NOY deserve pain in any way what so ever? Cause I do, I am still in the same home town too...and as God states All things happen for a reason. I have helped other women, but you only can help so much, and also you can only help the ones that want it! And no not all men are like that at all, women just have a tendancies to attract the same kinds unless we change who WE ARE on the INSIDE. Remember it is not ever you hun, it is him that NEEDS you. Ingrid  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
Mina and all May 11, 2005 5:00 AM

I've been posting and doing alot of soul searching in my suicide and depression group because my husband has once again pushed me to starting thinking them "bad" thoughts again after 4 yrs...We too have been together almost 8 yrs. and I'm tired and wore out...I've had 4 surgeries in the past 2 yrs. and I just can't physically handle anymore arguing or fighting...I'm now working on getting out...I should have never stayed this long...I now realize all the red flags I missed and I too have live a life of abuse from men...My dad implanted that and now I'm 35 and on second marriage and have history of suicidal depression...I know I need out cause he pushes me til I want to die...Mina, I don't have room to give advice but I'm know it's not my fate to stay here and wished I could just die...Melanie  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 May 12, 2005 9:15 AM

(((Hugs))) to you hon.Dont give up! He has beaten you down so much that you have given up,and have resolved yourself to a lifetime of abuse.You dont have to though,you dont deserve to be abused! Your are in denial and trust me we all have been there,talk to a hotline,friend etc...but dont give up and let him win.Your happiness is what matters the most.Trust me once you find the inner strength to leave him,you will feel like a new person,and begin to regain your self love back!! Light&Laughter,Rhia  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
Rhia... May 12, 2005 6:08 PM

I know you are right...I've left him several times in 8 yrs. and I've been through this in past relationships...I always bounce back and start feeling great until I let him "talk" me into coming back...then I start "missing" him, home, etc...I know it's a vicious cycle and I want it to stop...I just can't "do it"...I'm physically and mentally unable to do anything right now...at least that's how I feel...I haven't worked in 5 yrs...since I od...I suffer from suicidal depression all my life...I've had 4 surgeries in past year and half...I know I'm making excuses but I have to get a job so I'm not broke when I make some kind of move...thanks for listening, Melanie  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 May 13, 2005 8:08 AM

Dont beat yourself up hon.I dont look at it like you are making excuses either.I understand,because I have been there.Its so much easier to remain in the relationship,then face the unknown,thats why you make excuses to yourself,I did it many times! You are scared and things seem so out of reach for you right now....but they are not,trust me.You have to climb every moutain step by step even if its not a very big step at first.Thats how I finally left my ex for good,I started doing things for me and gradually I built up the courage for myself. Everybodies suitation is different I know,but the basics always remains the same.Only you know what steps you need to take first,and trust me it does get a bit easier each one that you take. Light&Hope,Rhia  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 May 17, 2005 2:59 PM

hello all, i just want to say that it is not anyones fate to deal with abuse, only one person has the power to decide that and its you. its your choice to stay or go.and let me tell you going is way better.once you try it on your own you regain all the confidence and self esteem they stole from you. I was with my guy for about 5 years hes the father of my child and i loved him. in fact i still do.but i am better off without him on my own, i have experienced so much more life now then when i was with him.once you leave you feel empowered. and remember NO ONE deserves it, there is nothing you can do that makes you deserves to be treated so badly.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 May 18, 2005 6:20 AM

(((Hugs))) Natalie.I hope our cirlce can help the ones that need that gentle push to finally kick the men to the curve! Light&Hope,Rhia  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 May 18, 2005 6:24 AM

Uggg not enough coffee yet! I meant "circle"  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 May 18, 2005 9:41 AM

ya, tell me about it, i'v come to realize that untill the women are ready and have had enough there is nothing you can do but be there and waiting. I hope every one here takes the advice and runs with it!! Its not worth it, there not worth it,your self esteem and confidence is worth more then there control problem, get out when you have a chance before things escalate and you run out of time!dont spend your life hoping he'll stop and he'll change cause they won't. just get out of the situation and make the best of your life, and i guarantee it will be better!!  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
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Stopping Violence against women
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