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Its Not Your Fault September 27, 2004 12:55 PM

Sisters... I know you've heard those words before, but I wanted to say it to you here. We have no control over the mean and evil people do to those they claim they love. And no matter what your partner says, it is NOT your fault. Some of you continue to hurt emotionally because you have internalized the belief that somehow, something you did, said, or even thought, caused the pain you feel. You are left wondering, searching your soul, going over the past, to try to make sense out of why you have suffered at the hands of an abuser--the one who claimed to love you... No matter how far you search inside yourself for the answer, you will never find it---because you are looking in the wrong place. The fault does not lie with you, it lies with him. Pain is not love. Evil words is not love. Rash actions does not involve love. And there is something inside of that person, something that was there long before you ever came on the scene, that makes him be what he is, that makes him do what he does. Look in the mirror and see the beautiful woman you are. Believe what you see. Know it in your heart. If you have to say 1,000 times a day: I am worthy of real love. I am beautiful. I am worthy of healing. I am love.... do it! Do not give your abuser the power! Do not surrender--ever. His violence, his hurt and his burdens are his to carry. You do not deserve to be beaten, raped, kicked, spit upon, pushed, shoved, called out your name.... Someone loved you. Your parents loved you. You are alive. You are capable of receiving and giving love. There is someone out here in this WORLD, right NOW that is capable of giving you the love you deserve. You are not alone. You will not be lonely. You are not ugly. You did not cause this. It is NOT your fault. Remember this, the one who oppresses you will NEVER change his mind--the one who is oppressed must change HER mind. It was not the slaveholder who changed the course of slavery, but the slave. A pimp will never stop pimping you, it is the responsibility of the prostitute to regain her dignity and self worth and stop being pimped. Strong minds, break strong chains. You are not a victim anymore. And you will never be the victimizer. You must love yourself and feel your beating heart. Know that the blood that courses through your veins heals people. It is the exlixr of life that courses through your vein and you are worthy to be alive! And if you are no longer in a domestic violence situation, know that you can help someone else. We all need each other. Sometimes its a kind word, a smile, a resource, an email, a pat on a back, a few dollars, babysitting for a day...something....that helps. Silence is deadly. You don't have to HATE your abuser, but you must HATE the abuse. You must HATE his actions. If you are not a psychologist, you cannot save him. You cannot counsel him. You cannot heal him. You cannot cross your fingers and hope it goes away. He has to WANT to change. I love you.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
that was beautiful September 30, 2004 8:14 PM

Steph, that was so well put. You, yourself, are a beautiful strong woman. I can tell. I have worked at a women's shelter and have seen first hand how abuse can horrifically lower a woman's self esteem. We are fantastic beauty!! Let us never forget! Now I work with young people at a church and I make it one of my first priorities to teach the boys how to respect and the girls how to be strong. Thank you for your beautiful post.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
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