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"Love at first site" Part 1 November 03, 2004 12:53 PM

Here is a thought I want you women to think about this is from the group I teach (Aids To Victims Of Violence) It Was Love At First Site: He was Mr Personality. He was romantic/he called me all the time and he would bring me boxes of candy or a sweet small gift. He said it was a token of his love, how lucky he was to have someone as special as me. I felt people respected me, that I was important! He could be so tough and cool, he wouldn't let anyone hurt me. He'd kick anyones ass that looked at me. I was excited and flattered. It was wonderful, we spent all our time together. I felt warm, connected, and at ease with him. We'd just stay home and be together. The stuff that happened to other women never happened to me; like waiting and the guy never shows up or calls. He always wanted to be with me, he wanted all my time. After our first meeting,well he just assumed we were together..."When are you going to see me?...tomorrow??" It wasn't long before things began to change. He'd fight with me about my friends. He started saying things about my family. He ridiculed all of them. It seemed easier to spend time with whomever he wanted, so he wouldn't find fault with them...so we wouldnt argue. He became jealous of everyone. It was not obvious at first. He'd say "What did he want" or "What did he say" Then he'd tell me "I really love you, I really need you, I can't live without you". It got to be if any guy smiled or loked at me he would say "That son of a bitch". Then he started accusing me of provoking it by flirting. If something upset him, he'd yell at me in front of his family or friends. He didn't care if it embarrassed me. I found him searching through my purse; at first it started as a game, then it became a sneaking search, finally he just did it outright. He was verbally attacking me. He startted to ridicule me in public. It really hurt me when he would compare me to other women, asking me "Why don't you wear your hair like that, or "Why don't you dress like that?" Eventually, he started complaining about my weight and would say "Get off your lazy ass and do something once in a while" I started to look at myself and cry. Without realizing what was happening to me I started to see myself through his eyes. I got very depressed, which led me to wait on him more. I had to find a way to please him so he'd love me. I believed him and I knew I was fat and ugly and I had conviced myself that if I lost him, NO MAN WOULD EVER LOVE ME.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
Part 2 November 03, 2004 12:53 PM

I had lost myself (to Him)...he had all control now. I no longer exsited, try not to upset him, do what he wants, like what he likes, be what he wants. "He had taken over my whole life". He would find fault with me and if I said I'm sorry he would yell that I was such a weaklin, if I tried to verbally defend myself he'd yell louder and more often than not, I get beaten. I had no rights anymore. Without realizing it I had given complete control to him. I had no rights, no control, no decision making. I was powerless in all aspects of my life. As time went on the arguing and beatings happened more and more and got more severe. He stopped buying me the little forgive me presents. I knew I couldn't stay, but was much to frightened to leave. Where to go, how could I afford to live by myself, I would miss the good times. I'd be alone! You see, I'd had all of me taken away. I did not have the tools I needed to survive, or so I thought so. But I did leave, I had to find the old me and start making improvements on my self and the way I used to think. Until I accomplished this, I knew that I would end up in another relationship just like the one I just had came out of. I also knew he would not leave me alone. He would call and threaten, he'd seem to know where'd I'd be and show up there. I knew this, but the choice I had to make was to recoup the death of me, because I hated the way I felt, the hollow shell that I had become.... The had taken over my whole life.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 November 08, 2004 11:43 PM

you just described exactly how it was with my ex. It made me cry becase you said everything I felt.Its so hard to reconstruct yourself after something like that. *thanks* for sharing, it makes things a bit easier knowing that you arent the only one. *hugs*  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
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Stopping Violence against women
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