Tasha
The Cheyenne then returned to the thrift store. "Ahh" the china man said. "Now you would like to hear the story?"
"No" said the Cheyenne, "I just came back to see if you had any bronze white men!"
From out in the distance comes another voice, saying, "We don't like the sound of it either. He's not our regular drummer!"
Wide Open Spaces
Music and Lyrics by: Keith Secola
....Anyways, there was
this radio show,
and the talk show host
of the call in radio program
kept saying over the airwaves,
"I'm sick and tired of people
trespassing on my land, havin'
no respect 4 my fences,
disrespecting my signs,
I'm sick and tired."
So I calls him up
and get over the airwaves
of the talk show call in
radio program and I say,
"What do you mean
your fences,
what do you mean
your signs"
I says, "Did you know
that you could go a mile
above the earth
and look down
upon the earth,
you won't see your fences,
you won't see your signs.
In fact, you can go to the moon
and look down
upon the earth,
still won't see your fences.
You might see
the wall of China,
you might see
the L.A. aqueducts,
but those aren't your fences.
If you can't see your fences,
how do you know
it's your land?
Silence
Followed by pontification.
He says "What's the matter man,
are you some kind of Commie?
This here's America,
land of the Atlanta Braves,
home of the
Washington Redskins.
Red, white and blue,
America,
and if you don't like it
here in America,
why don't you just
get back to
where you came from."
So I did.
I camped out in his back yard....
__________________
Found that at:
http://rriverstone.com/netart/NDNhumor.html
Top Ten Signs your Medicine Man is a Scam Artist
10. He tries to sell you your own personal mile of the Red Road
9. You begin to suspect his traditional herbal medicine is really just crushed up Tylenol from IHS
8. His Sundance is sponsored by Frito-Lay
7. Suddenly, all his ceremonies seem real familiar after you watch the movie "Billy Jack" again
6. The only tribal nation he is affiliated with is Donation
5. Rich ladies from California are convinced he needs a different colored 1999 4x4 truck for each of the 4 directions
4. Not only does he have a website, but the address is www.sellout.com
3. The only thing in his pipebag is a portable credit card machine
2. In order to attend one of his sweats, you need to contact Ticketmaster first.
1. His sacred white buffalo reeks of spray paint
Top Ten Signs You are a Techno-Indian, by Okiyapsni
10. You have several CPU's up on blocks in your living room.
9. Your snag doesn't want to hear that lame old "my server was down" excuse anymore.
8. You think a floppy disk slot crammed with sage will somehow increase your connection speed
7. You send eeezzzzmail
6. Your mail address is DancesWithModems@hotmail.com
5. Before you attend a powwow, you need to check its website first
4. Your mouse is coated with frybread grease
3. You ask chicks for their email address at powwows
2. You have a beaded zip drive
1. You now know a hard drive isn't just the road to Red Shirt Table!
All for the People Four men gather on the top of 30-story
building, an East Indian, a Japanese, an American Indian, and a White
Man.
The East Indian guy says, "This is for my people!" and he jumps
off.
The Japanese says, "This is for my people!" and jumps off.
The American Indian says, "This is for my people" and pushes the White Man off.
The BIA Ten Commandments
1. You shall have no other forms of government before me.
2. You shall not make for yourself an independent and self-sufficient
government, for I am a jealous bureaucracy and will punish the Indian
children for the sins of their fathers to the seventh generation of
those who hate me.
3. You shall not misuse my name or my symbols, for I will impale you on my flagpole.
4. Remember the first of each month by keeping it holy. The rest of the
month you shall go hungry, but the first day of each month is a tribute
to me, and you shall receive welfare checks and commodity food in
exchange for your continued dependence.
5. Honor your Indian father and Indian mother because I have stripped
them of their land, language, and hearts, and they need your
compassion, which is a commodity I do not supply.
6. You shall not murder, but I will bring FBI and CIA agents to your
reservations and into your homes, and the most intelligent, vocal, and
angriest members of your tribes will vanish quietly.
7. You shall not commit adultery, but I will impregnate your women with illegitimate dreams.
8. You shall not steal back what I have already stolen from you.
9. You shall not give false testimony against any white men, but they
will tell lies about you, and I will believe them and convict you.
10. You shall not covet the white man's house. You shall not covet the
white man's wife, or his hopes and opportunities, his cars or VCRs, or
anything that belongs to the white man.
This post was modified from its original form on 28 Feb, 9:42
10 people will be dropped into a reservation
where they will have to endure one week of hardship, gossiping,
backstabbing, jealousy, teepee creeping, 49ing, and be able to survive on
high-fat, high cholesterol foods (USDA approved).
The 10 contestants will be given:
* Five sacred rocks.
* Rez car with no doors and no backglass.
* Unwinterized HUD house.
* Three days worth of food stamps.
* Five days of of continuous "PowWow Highway" clips.
* Moccasins, headband & feathers to wear around the rez (which demonstrates
cultural sensitivity to reservation inhabitants).
The lone survivor of RESERVATION SURVIVOR will receive:
* Casino coupon book (a $10.00 value).
* Authentic, Indian hand-made Dreamcatcher.
* A "Princess Pale Moon" Edition Pendleton blanket.
hehehe. Yup. I've always wanted one but they are like a 1000 dollars. Terrible.
Tasha
Hummmmm now that you mention that word stealing, lets see is there anything in the joke department I could steal errrrrr I mean trade for ....... cough, cough
Oh did you get the seasons?
I'll tie one on to that!
True story - about 6 yrs ago we were in Maryland visiting my brother-in-law (Jim) and his family. we went to powwow and Jim introduces his wife and explains (in english) the meaning of the jingle dress dance she is about to perform. When she is finished and we are walking though the crowd gathered around the circle, this guy grabs Jim's arm and says "Do you speak English?" Jim said "No" and walked away....this poor wasichu was left standing there, mouth open. My husband and I were walking behind Jim and heard/saw the whole thing. We couldnt keep from laughing.
I felt bad though, cause this guy had his son with him and it was obvious he was wanting his son to speak with us, but he needed to learn better manners. Just what was son supposed to learn by approaching us like that? I still think about that poor kid...
...You use the phrase, "May the force be with you, aye!!!"
...Your Jedi robe is beaded
...You use your light saber to butcher a buffalo or to open a Bud
...At least one wing of your "rezzed out" X-wing fighter is primer colored and your transmitter is a clothes hanger.
...You discover that Ewoks taste like dogs.
...You have at least one land-speeder up on blocks in your yard
...The worst part of eating with Yoda is eating his commodity food
...Wookies are offended by your Buffalo robes
...You have used the force to get your tape recorder to work so you could record that new 49 song
...Used the force to negotiate with the federal gov't
...Your council man has told you, "Come over to the Darkside...selling out ain't bad, enit"
...You have a dream catcher in the window of your land-speeder and/or X-wing fighter
...You fantasize over Princess Leah's fry bread looking head
...You have to get in from the passenger's side of your X-wing fighter and start it with a screwdriver
...You suggest that the Millennium Falcon is outfitted with a trailer hitch
...If you hear, "Luke, I am your father.....and your councilman."
Top 10 Things To Say To A Non-Indian Upon First Meeting
10. How much white are you?
9. I'm part white myself, you know.
8. I learned all your people's ways in the Boy Scouts (Order of the Bullet).
7. My great-great-grandmother was a full-blooded European princess.
6. Funny, you don't look white.
5. Where's your powdered wig and knickers?
4. Do you live in a covered wagon?
3. What's the meaning behind the square dance?
2. Oh wow, I really love your hair! Can I touch it?
1. What's your feeling about river-boat casinos? Do they really help your people, or are they just a short-term fix?
