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anonymous a good support group is necessary May 02, 2010 12:20 PM

Hi. I live in Savannah Georgia. My soon to be ex husband picked up our twin sons for visitation at the end of January and did not return them. He is now suing me for sole custody. Prior to this I did not have an attorney, and at this point neither does he. We had nothing more than a verbal agreement on child support and visitations. I allowed him and his mother to pick the boys up to visit whenever they wanted to see them until he moved to Milledgeville. At this point he is not allowing me to visit with them at all. His girlfriend refuses to allow me to talk to the boys without taping our conversation and the last time I did visit with them she stuck a cam corder in my face. The camera died and they won't let me see the boys without being able to video tape me. Even when he would let me see them, we would drive 3.5 hours to spend less than two hours with the boys in their home. We weren't allowed to leave and they barracaded the front door and perched between us and the back door the entire time. He barely allows me any time on the phone with them at all. I am going for my temporary hearing on the 20th of this month. At this point we have numerous affadavits for our case, we have numerous eye witnesses, and we have documentation that what we've told the attorney is correct. We also have copies of his arrest record. It seems he was arrested five times in the time we were married and I never knew it. During the entire two years we were separated he rarely paid anything in regards to supporting the children and hid them several times from me. He is what is termed a hostile aggressive parent. It's sickening to see what he's doing to our sons. I've tried taking them from their daycare, taking them from their home, everything I can think of to get them away from him. He left his family to be with her and she doesn't have custody of her children because of her temper. I'm completely and utterly heartsick of this whole mess. His main motivation behind this is to try to keep from paying child support. He doesn't care whether or not this is right or what it's doing to our children.  [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
I totally agree!! May 04, 2010 4:56 PM

I was very glad to read this post, but at the same time heart broken. It's nice to know that you're not alone, but going through things like this, it doesn't comfort me that other mothers are also. I received a notice from DHS-Child support division that I am behind $3000 in child support. I had 2 strokes in February of 2009 and have been receiving unemployment since. They based the amount of child support of of the job I had in 2007, when my ex husband didn't want child support. I was and still am under the doctor's care, but do you think DHS cares? I have got to find an attorney to help me. I just refuse to believe that there is no one out there that cares. I worry everyday that my son feels that I am mad at him or don't want him. It eats me like a cancer. His father is retired military and has totally brainwashed him. He will not allow my son to talk to me, my mother or anyone in my family. He won't let my son accept things that are sent to him. I have got to find some help. I just can't take this much longer. If anyone knows an attorney in Oklahoma that would help me, please post. I am praying for each of us that are going through this horrible nightmare.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
anonymous hosyile aggressive parenting and petition May 08, 2010 5:09 PM

HAP stands for Hostile Aggressive Parenting and is a severe form of mental and emotional abuse often used in separation and custody cases to allign the child or children involved against the other parent. This behavior stems from a bully and often abusive partner who no longer has control over the other person. The child(ren) are often the only weapons they have against their partner and a last ditch effort to regain control over the other person's life. Forms of Hostile Aggressive Parenting include: * Alienating the child from the other parent * Not involving the other parent in life affecting decisions of the child. * Limiting contact between the other parent and the child and/or supervising visitations and communications with the child without a court order. * Using threats or enticements to persuade a child to say or write hurtful things to the other parent. * Making degrading or diminitive comments about the other parent to the children or in front of the child. * Making false accusations about the other parent. * Threatening the child or otherwise persuading the child to alledge false accusations. * Actively trying to denegrate the role of the other parent in the life of the child. Hostile Aggressive Parenting is often used by parents that have severe control issues, abusive personalities or histories of abuse, codependency, and that view the child as yet another means to control the life and inflict harm on the other parent. They view the child as a possession rather than as a little human being. The damage this behavior leaves in a child's emotional and mental growth is staggering. Children involved in such a negative and disruptive environment often grow up with PAS, Parent Alienation Syndrome. PAS is a condition in which the children internalize what is happening around them. In addition to having the normal scars from a fragmented family, they then have the additional trauma of being put in the middle of an adult situation they have no business being in the middle of. This results in emotional scarring. Remember that children learn about relationships and emotional developement from their parents. It is in the best interest of a child not to be in this type of situation. Long term damage includes: * drug and alcohol dependency * dysfunctional relationships * abusive and violent behaviors toward animals and children * destructive behavior * anger management issues * reality dysfunction * suicidal thoughts and/or attempts * lack of emotional development * lack of emotional stability * loss of empathy * inability to form healthy attachments to other family members, friends, or pets * verbal abuse to other family members or friends * loss of attachment and hatred toward the other parent or other sibling * guilt * depression For more information please see http://www.hostile-aggressive-parenting.com/ Please tell Governor Purdue that this form of mental and emotional abuse needs to be made a crime. Mental and emotional abuse of a child is every bit as damaging as physical abuse with long standing consequences that affect not only the child, but every relationship they will ever have for the rest of their lives. There is a petition to make this illegal in Georgia. Check your state laws to see if this is illegal where you live. If it's not create a petition to make it a recognized form of abuse.  [report anonymous abuse]  [ accepted]
 
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Mothers Who Are Fighting For Custody And Visitation Of There Children
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