START A PETITION 27,000,000 members: the world's largest community for good
START A PETITION
x
 
 
This thread is displayed with the most recent posts first.
 February 08, 2006 7:27 AM

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

1. Sag, you're It.

2. Hide and go pee.

3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.

4. Kick the bucket

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

6. Musical recliners.

7. Simon says something incoherent.

8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:

1. You sell your home
heating system at a yard sale.

2 You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.

3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.

OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.

4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!


Thoughts for the
weekend

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.


But Most Of All, Remember!


A Friend Is Like A Good Bra: Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!

 [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 November 03, 2005 8:36 AM

LOL  that was good!!!  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 November 02, 2005 4:20 AM

An English professor wrote the words: "WOMAN WITHOUT HER MAN IS NOTHING"on
the blackboard, and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, WITHOUT HER MAN, is nothing."
The women wrote: "WOMAN!! WITHOUT HER, man is nothing!"

 [ send green star]
 
 October 19, 2005 7:19 AM

--- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

--- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

 [ send green star]
 
Wonderful Story October 13, 2005 3:16 PM

Elaine........

Love it....

Hugs,

Bette Jo

 [ send green star]
 
 October 13, 2005 6:43 AM

Thank you, I like to ask just to be sure.  You know how things fly around the internet.  LOL  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 October 12, 2005 12:57 PM

Absolutely Dian! And anyone else who wants a copy, help yourself. It was sent to me via email, so it's not mine to keep.

Glad you liked it!

Hugs, Elaine

 [ send green star]
 
 October 12, 2005 10:25 AM

Elaine, that was so cute, can I copy it and e-mail it out to my mom?  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
Just a Mom??? October 12, 2005 9:04 AM

I love this little story!

A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's
office was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.
She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. "What I mean is,"
explained the recorder, "do you have a job or are you just a...?"
"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman. "I'm a Mom."  
"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, "housewife covers it," said the recorder emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day..I found myself in the
same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar." "What is your ocupation?" she probed.
What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out.
*"I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."*

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and looked up
as though she had not heard right.  I repeated the title slowly
emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself
reply, "I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters, (the whole darned family) and already
have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it).  But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she
completed the form, stood up and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3.  Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mom."
Motherhood! . What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.

Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" and great grandmothers
Executive Senior Research Associates"? I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants.

 [ send green star]
 
a little humor September 28, 2005 3:29 PM

for Wednesday.....

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?
(taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people's

 A grandfather is a man grandmother.

 Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them.

They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run.

 It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars. They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also Why we shouldn't step on "cracks." They don't say, "Hurry up."

Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes. They wear glasses and funny underwear. They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don't have to be smart. They have to answer questions like "why isn't God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?". When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television, because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us. They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

 A 6 YEAR OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED. ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.

These were so cute I had to pass them on.
 [ send green star]
 
Hello everyone September 21, 2005 6:20 AM

here is a little humor for the day.......

  An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
    The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'"

Jimmy sounds just like my grandson Cody!

Hugs,

Bette Jo

 [ send green star]
 
 September 21, 2005 6:18 AM

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor.  She told him she was writing a story.
    "What's it about?" he asked.
    "I don't know," she replied.  "I can't read."
 [ send green star]
 
Michelle.... September 15, 2005 6:07 AM

yes, they do say the darndest things.

My 2 1/2 year old granddaughter Natasha is always inviting me over to eat dinner. LOL.......She also asks me when she can come stay over at our house. They use to do it all the time when before they moved. When we were getting ready to leave on our last visit she asked if she could come home with me. I just hugged her harder and tried not to cry until I got in the car.

Hugs,

Bette Jo

 [ send green star]
 
 September 14, 2005 5:25 PM

As all of you know, I spend Saturday Morning's on the phone with my two youngest Grandchildren, Gracie and Coy.

When I called this past Saturday as normal, my Granddaughter asked me when I was coming to see her. I told her that Grandma was hoping to come see her soon.

First there was a bit of silence, then I heard her draw in a breath then she say, "Well hurry up Grandma before I get old".

I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry or laugh.

Kids say the darndest things.

 [ send green star]
 
I am September 14, 2005 10:31 AM

glad you enjoyed it. It was a bit long but I liked it.

Hugs,tn_flowers012Butterfly.gif

Bette Jo

 [ send green star]
 
 September 14, 2005 6:14 AM

Awwwwwwww, that is sooooooo cute Bette Jo!  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
boy this one was longer than I thought.......LOL September 14, 2005 6:13 AM

  • You remember Bo and Luke Duke, Daisy, Boss Hogg, or-worst of all-what Sheriff Roscoe's full name was.

  • Your parents paid $2,000 for a top-loading VCR that was almost the size of a coffee table.

  • You found nothing strange about Bert and Ernie living together.

  • You remember having a rotary phone.

  • You actually believed that Mikey, famed kid on the Life cereal commercials, died after eating Pop Rocks and drinking a Coke.

  • "Members Only" jackets...say no more.

  • And lastly, I'll make a song stick in your head for the rest of the day: ...you actually remember the words to the theme song of  "The Greatest American Hero." ("BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I'M WALKIN' ON AIR...I  NEVER THOUGHT I COULD FEEL SO FREE-EE-EE...")

Author: Michelle Waugh at ATISSI51  [ send green star]
 
cont. September 14, 2005 6:12 AM

  • You sat with your friends on any given Friday night circa 1982 and dialed 867-5309 to see if Jenny was actually there.

  • "All skate, change directions" means something to you.

  • You've ever owned a pair of rainbow suspenders like the ones Mork used to wear.

  • You bought a pair of Vanns and wanted to order a pizza in history class so you could be just like Jeff Spicoli. (Related item: if you've ever smacked yourself in the head with a shoe and exclaimed, "I'm so wasted!")

  • You owned a Preppy Handbook.

  • You were too young to see "Blue Lagoon," so you just had to settle for the second-hand reports.

  • You remember when movies were only PG and R.

  • You learned to swim at about the same time "Jaws" came out....and still carry the emotional scars to prove it.

  • You remember when your cable TV box had a sliding selector switch... and your "cable remote" was connected to the TV by CORD!

  • Your jaw would ache by the time you finished one of those brick-sized packages of Bazooka.

 [ send green star]
 
cont. September 14, 2005 6:11 AM

  • You're currently employed doing something that has absolutely nothing to do with your college major.

  • U2 is too popular and mainstream for you now.

  • You remember trying to guess which episode of "The Brady Bunch" it was by the first scene.

  • You had a front-row seat (i.e., blew off one or more classes) for Luke and Laura's wedding on "GH."

  • Your parents wanted you to attend medical school, but you decided it was pointless since Quincy got all the babes anyway.

  • You know who shot J.R.

  • You recall when Love's Baby Soft was in every girl's Christmas stocking.

  • This rings a bell: "My name is Charlie, and they work for me."

  • You were unsure if  Diet Coke would ever catch on. (Related item: you were sure that "New Coke" would NEVER catch on.)

  • You know all the words to the double-album set of the "Grease" soundtrack.

  • You've ever had a Dorothy Hamill haircut.

 [ send green star]
 
cont. September 14, 2005 6:09 AM

 

  • You remember your first kiss with someone having happened while either "Leather and Lace" or "Crazy for You" was playing.

  • You remember with pain the day the Green Machine hit the streets (or the sidewalks), instantly making your Big Wheel obsolete.

  • The age-old question "Where's the beef?" still makes you laugh.

  • You remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever possibly have more advanced special effects than "TRON."

  • You had a crush on Ted the photographer on "Love Boat," Gage from "Emergency," or Ponch from "CHIPS."

  • Your hair at some point in time in the '80s could only be described by saying "I was experimenting."

  • You've ever shopped at Benetton.

  • You're starting to believe that having the kids in school year-round wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.

 [ send green star]
 
I have one September 14, 2005 6:06 AM

it is kind of long so I will do it in a couple posts.

Have a super day!V

You're Lost Between Baby Boomer & Generation X If...
Submitted by CRE 43

  • You remember when Jordache jeans with a flat-handle comb in the back pocket was cool.

  • Any photograph of you shows you wearing an Izod shirt with the collar turned up.

  • You know any "Weird Al" Yankovic songs by heart.

  • You've ever rung someone's doorbell and said "Landshark!"

  • You were once bowled over by the technological excellence of such products as Atari, IntelliVision, TelStar and Coleco.

  • You remember the premier of MTV -- or worse yet, you remember its predecessor, "Friday Night Videos."

  • You and your friends ever discussed having a reunion at the end of the century and playing Prince's "1999" until you passed out partying.

  • A predominant color in your childhood photos is plaid.

  • You remember when music that was labeled "alternative" really was alternative, and when "alternative comedy" was really funny.

  • You took family trips BEFORE the invention of the minivan.

  • You rode in the back of the station wagon facing the cars behind you.

  • You've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following phrases: "You know, back when...," "When I was your age...," or "When I was younger..."

  • Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you learned things like grammar, math and history. (A big hint here is if the only way you can recite the Preamble to the Constitution is by singing it.)

  • You ever dressed to look like someone in a Madonna, Cyndi Lauper or Duran Duran video.

 [ send green star]
 
 September 14, 2005 5:58 AM

Ok guys/gals.... who has the Wednesday's joke???

 [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
 September 08, 2005 6:18 AM

LOL, I've seen that on a bumper sticker 2, Bette Jo.  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
Heres one before September 07, 2005 7:38 PM

Wednesday is over..........like they say "better late than never".......LOL.........

Seen on a T-Shirt:
If I Had Known Being a Grandparent Was So Much Fun,
I Would Have Done It First

Hugs,

Bette Jo

 [ send green star]
 
 August 31, 2005 10:47 AM

laughing--rofl-mouse.jpg  [ send green star]  [ accepted]
 
Wednesday's humor... August 31, 2005 9:29 AM

Johnny was at his first day of school. The teacher advised the class that each school day starts the Pledge of Allegiance and instructed them to put their right hand over their heart and repeat after him.
    As he starts the recitation he looks around the room, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..." When his eyes fell on Johnny he found he had his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks.
    "Johnny, I will not continue till you put you hand over your heart."
    Johnny replied, "It is over my heart."
    After several attempts to get Johnny to put his hand over his heart the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?"
    "Because every time my Grandma comes to visit she pats me there and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie."
 [ send green star]
 
  New Topic              Back To Topics Read Code of Conduct

 

This group:
Grand parenting from a distance
39 Members

View All Topics
New Topic

Track Topic
Mail Preferences